I was with my boyfriend for over four years. The first three years were bliss, but then I left to work somewhere else. My company received many applications, yet I got the job, so the move was a huge personal success. While things were going really well for me (at least when my career was concerned), they took a turn for the worse for my boyfriend: He made some wrong decisions at work and was forced to leave the company. I supported him and he got another job, but our relationship changed:
Whenever I tried to cheer him up, he became upset, telling me that I had no idea what he was going through. I also experienced some personal troubles related to my family. I was quite frightened by the experience but whenever I turned to him for support, he pushed me away. We were in a long-distance relationship and geographical distance turned into an emotional one. Adding to our troubles was the fact that he had met other women, who thought that he was single. While he told me about these meetings (Quote: "Look, I met her for lunch, nothing happened but she did think it was a date..."), the fact that it happened more than once (four times!) caused me to question his fidelity. I slowly but steadily lost my trust in him. This lead us to break up a few months later.
After our break-up, he kept contacting me, though. Even after he found a new girlfriend. While this did hurt my feelings, I accepted it. Our contact remained purely platonic, so I thought nothing of it.
A couple of months later, he calls me, telling me that he just broke up with his new girlfriend, he realized that he has made the biggest mistake of his life, I'm the one he needs to be with etc. To make a long story short: We got back together. But my doubts about his loyalty remained...
One month later, he forgot his phone at my place when he came to visit. That evening he got a text message from his now ex-girlfriend which read something like "Hey honey, what are you doing? I miss you and I love you" etc. I was furious. So I logged on to his email account... and found evidence that he cheated on me during the last six months of our relationship not only with this girl but also with another woman. I can't begin to describe how I felt. I broke up with him that night, writing him a letter telling him that I want him out of my life forever (among other things). He tried calling me the next two days after that (until he received the letter I guess), but I hung up every time because I felt so incredibly furious. He also sent me a text message in which he tried to apologize... a text message!
Now that the rage has gone for the most part I can't help asking myself why he isn't making more effort to contact me. Does this mean he never really had feelings for me? If this was the case, why go through the trouble of winning me back after we broke up for the first time? Do you have any opinions? I would really appreciate them. Sorry, if this is really long. I just had to get it off my chest. Thank you!
Most Helpful Guy
From what you told us, he pushed you away when you needed him during a family difficulty, you tried to comfort him during his rough time losing his job and feeling down but he got upset.
I think he doesn't like responsibilty and that's why he pushed you away and got upset when you tried to comfort him, he tries to take on things without the help of others but just can't cope so puts a barrier up for everyone.
This type of person I'm trying to explain would be one that doesn't like to be left on their own and becomes a tad clingy, mybe not just with you but with someone who shows them some interest like you say a girl going on dates, in his head he was thinking this is good some company but also some guys when the option to sleep with a girl especially when your guys maybe doesn't get much of the "Good Thing" us men will let out arrow do the leading.
Long distance relationships to me won't work, you have to be close to you spouse if you can't break up and meet up later in life because someone will cheat but that's not always the case but someone who acts like your ex they will to feel loved or close to someone.
He wants a bit of both worlds and isn't sure what he wants.
I hope this helps you.