Being Used or is he confused? Or am I blind to the truth?

So, quick background... dating this guy for year and a half. I love him obviously, but it has been rocky. He has cheated on me twice but then around December we had moved past everything and were doing great! I have a daughter that I thought he loved and then in sometime in January he started to change. He starting acting funny and then came home one day and was like I don't want to see you anymore because you have kids and I don't see a future with you. We never really stopped talking then got back to together to back up a few days later. I later found out he was seeing I girl I suspected he was cheating on me with. He said she had nothing to do with it that it is because I have kids. For about a month and half we've spent 4-5 days a week together going on dates, sleep overs and sex. I have asked a few times about getting back to together and he says he isn't sure yet but most likely not but its ruling it out. He is openly dating and tells be everything and it hurts my feelings. He however, doesn't want me to date and will be very nasty, if I go out or out of town accusing me of seeing someone else (which I'm not). Just the other day he said he loves me and misses my daughter be then pulls away. Its literally can change from morning to night. Then he calls me begging for me back and gets mad when hears I'm out or trying to date online, etc.

Should I give him an ultimatum or just leave? Or keeping trying to make this work on his terms? I know I deserve more then he is offering I would just hate to think I couldn't have tried to make this work. A part of me thinks he really does care and the part feels like a fool who is being used.
How should I end it? No contact or explain myself if so


Most Helpful Guy

  • Jesus Christ please tell me you're not this dumb. Why in the name of God would you take back a cheater once let alone multiple times? Why in the name of God would you be with someone that doesn't want you? I can't believe I'm having to explain this. You're nothing but a side chick. Someone he can drift in and out of your life to fuck you when he pleases and you're stupid enough to do it. He won't ever be what you want so an ultimatum won't work. He would just lie and continue his cheating ways anyway. This will never change or go anywhere good so you have a decision

    • I'm not that dumb :/ Its hard when you care for someone and it was once good and he is good at manipulating people. I know I deserve better and yes, I know you can't change people. He isn't going to change but he is really good at getting me sucked back in. I go weeks without talking to him and he shows up at my place asking what I've been doing making me feel guilt for things I haven't even done. Yes, I know ditch him and move on I just didn't know if this wasn't some odd guy thing from time to time. I have never tolerated someone treating me so poorly but I think its all the low blows he has given me. Thanks for the advice and tough love I'm assuming.

    • It is tough love and let me tell you this. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result. Sound familiar? You have nothing to feel guilty for and why would you even listen to anything he has to say? Block him from everything and stop all forms of communication. If he knocks on your door call the police

Most Helpful Girl

  • I would explain to him that you need more out of the relationship. Frankly he sounds like a selfish ass! Best of luck to you

    • Thanks! I know I have to just cut it off. He is an ass but a good manipulator.

    • I know the type, it's definitely easier said than done but demand better! There is a man out there that will respect and appreciate you. It's just a matter of finding him, also easier said than done but you deserve it! :)

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What Guys Said 3

  • What happens in that relationship might affect your daughter in the future.
    you're dealing with someone who likes to control you and leaves the door open for his personal (stuff) to take whatever he wants from you or from other girls.

    If you don't want that relationship... simply say No.
    you don't have to explain yourself to someone won't make any change but make things get worse.
    In the meantime, take a vacation away from any relationship and start by knowing your priorities.

    Good luck...

  • Yeah by this time its ultimatum time. You've got a kid. There's no time for some fuck boy who doesn't want to be with you but still wants to sex you up daily. All the red flags are there.

    • Thanks. Its sometimes hard when he knows where to pull my heart strings and you care about the person. I just need to cut it off. I do fine so awhile for no contact but he finds ways to reach me even after I have blocked. I will just have to shut him out completely.

  • Definitely using you for the sex. He is physically into you but does not want to date you. let him know that's not what you want


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