Would it bother you if your spouse kept a "start over" bank account?

Would it bother you to find out, or to have known since you started dating, that your spouse kept money aside in case your relationship didn't work out?
Its completely their own money, from their own salary.
Would you ever keep money aside for this reason?
Updates:
I'm not saying it has to be a secret, and you can call it what you want like a rainy day fund etc but that could be used in this scenario separate from your relationship.
I guess because I save into separate accounts for specific things I've worded it this way 😊

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2016

Most Helpful Guy

  • It's essentially a prenup though, isn't it? Although, it can imply they don't have a whole lot of faith in the relationship. If you're not comfortable with it, just say so. It is a little weird but also smart.

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    • Not necessarily - a prenup would need to wait for a divorce to settle assets. This is just a cash account with the intent to start over if it's needed... moving expenses, rental bond and furniture etc.
      My husband knows about mine, and I have complete faith in our marriage and have no intent of that changing but if anything ever happened and I needed to get out of our home I'm safe

    • I wouldn't be against it, it's smart planning. It's money that you earn so you can do with it what you like. And, who knows, could be a nice bonus to any shared accounts if you feel like you don't need or want it anymore?

Most Helpful Girl

  • No it wouldn't bother me, actually I think all relationships that are serious should have a separate bank account for emergencies, like breaking up or getting a divorce. Because if you have to leave at least you will have money to get your own place.

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    • Example: my sister is leaving her girlfriend and now she has to live with us because she doesn't have any money to live on her own.
      I think having a conjoined account is great, but always keep yours separate.

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What Guys Said 15

  • The thing about that is that doesn't work. In the event of a divorce, those are community assets and even worse, the court frowns heavily on attempts to conceal assets. I mean, if you CAN do it and get away with it, it seems like a great idea. Like I know that I wish that I had something like that during my marriage because unless you two are very reasonable people, you come out of a divorce quite a bit poorer than you started. My ex-wife was an exorbitant spender so all of our legal fees basically came out of the assets that I had built and since they were "community", it felt like I was being... I don't know how to describe it... being stabbed repeatedly by my own sword collection?

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    • Out of interest did you start with a prenup?

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    • So if I understand correctly, you have a backup bank account in case things don't work out and your husband is ok with it? I mean, I have to say that you guys have a really, really understanding relationship. Wow like... my ex-wife would never have tolerated that. Of course, it only worked in direction for her, but... I can understand why someone wouldn't like it.

    • I do. If we were to ever separate and our combined assets were tied up or it (and I seriously, seriously doubt it) ended badly and we became vindictive I have the security to start again. I don't have to rely on my family or the charity of others to support me until things got better and I think I need that. I've always been open about it, I do all of our finances - we have joint accounts and each put money into them for me to move around so I've always kept everything transparent since we started combining finances. He is very understanding, but I think our honesty and being able to disassociate deep rooted fears sometimes have nothing to do with the faith we have in each other.
      I think I've mentioned before my sister in law's engagement ending last August and she had to move home and is still partially dependant on her parents while she saves enough to move back out. This isn't an uncommon occurance in my social/family circle

  • Yes and no. On one side of the coin it seems wise as marriages don't work out 100% of the time. Better to be prepared than not. On the other side of the coin that money could be used against me in a divorce. Another issue is either spouse could be much more quick to rush into a divorce because they won't be financially impacted as much.

    I also think it's wrong to do this in the sense that you nor your spouse has your "own salary." What each of you make is communal. That is to say none of it should be saved or spent without express knowldage and/or permission of the other.

    Lastly having been through a divorce and got the dirty end of the stick, and having had to start over from scratch, I would consider doing this, but I would have major issues in doing so as I see it as lying by omission. Not sure at this time if I would do it or can even advocate it. Another thing to consider with this is logistics. Where would you keep it? In the event of a divorce both parties have to disclose to the other financial assets, debts, and everything else including bank accounts. Even a dumb lawyer could find the information if one attempted to not disclose the information. This is an issue because whatever is there your spouse is entitled to half, and if it's sitting in your account with your name on it and you take it, he's still entitled to half. You'd need keep the $ in a place it can't be tracked. That is in cash, under the mattress so to speak.

    Being a realist, I'd be ok with doing this for certain if both spouses were open and honest and disclosed the amounts they had set aside and upon request allowed their spouse to verify that. Marriages end. Why not be prepared? It's just better to do it open and honestly. I'd be warpath pissed if I found my wife was doing something like this without my knowledge.

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  • I think it would bother me a bit.

    I wouldn't mind if it was just an account for life emergencies like rent, car, bills, stuff like that. but to know that she doesn't think we will work out, or that it's in the back of her mind would bother me.

    I'm not saying this is a bad idea for her to have. But I just wouldn't call it that to his face.

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  • having money that's yours is ok... the problem is that you see it as "start over money". the fact you're seeing that as an option is deeply upsetting too me. almost as if you're not fully committed you our marriage..

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  • No, I advocate it. But keeping your own finances is not just for that reason alone - it teaches you financial independence. The urge to spend frivoulously when you have 6 figures combined income is a LOT higher than if you are 5 figures alone.

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  • In case it didn't work out? Yeah that would bother me and no I wouldn't do that myself. Personally though I'd separate my assets so not everything will be under one account, name, house, whatever

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  • My money is My wife money. But if I knew she setup another account in case the marriage didn't work out, yeah it would bother me somewhat because it shows she lacks faith in our marriage.

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  • The only time I'm going to combine my finances with my wife is when we get married. Not before.

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  • the question i have is are you married? or dating and living togather?

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    • I'm married 😊 But I'm just asking peoples opinions on it in general, not for advice on what to do

    • oh ok. i would have one house account for bills and anything for the house. then separate accounts for you t spend on things you want

  • yes it would... I would bring that shot up every day.

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  • Nope, im getting half that money, lol.

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  • Its a good idea. Many relationships are destroyed due to money problems, if you have some money on the side both of you will be less stressed out about potential money problems. It will strengthen your relationship in the long term.

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  • I'd be hurt a little. I'm not vindictive or spiteful. If I ever divorced I wouldn't want them to suffer and I'd help them financially even after divorce. There's really no need so I feel like they think I might be lying when I said that they wouldn't have to worry.

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  • No it wouldn't because I'd have my own secret stash too.

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  • Go for it she's not getting any of my money

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What Girls Said 19

  • Wait, how is this different from... like, y'know, just having at least one account in each of yr separate names?

    (Which every couple shd do anyway... If you ever have to justify the way you've allocated individual investments for tax purposes -- say, in an audit -- but ALL yr accounts are joint, then, you're basically fucked. In that case, the government can divide up the tax benefits/liabilities/allocations between the two of you however tf it wants to.)

    __

    I mean...
    If this is somehow different from just having individual savings accounts -- which is something EVERYONE shd do -- then, pl explain the difference.

    Because, if there ISN'T fundamentally a difference -- like, if these are just normal savings accounts in yr individual names -- then, FUCK NO I wouldn't be okay with this.
    Because in that case, THERE'S NO REASON TO **SAY** that they're "start-over" accounts. Because they're just normal bank accounts.
    There's no reason at all.

    Honestly, I can't see that as anything other than a giant "Fuck you, I distrust you so much that I'm going to **explicitly call this** a runaway fund, just so you KNOW I don't fully trust this rl."

    Ugh

    ... again, please tell me I'm wrong, and that there's some other functional difference here.

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  • I wish he would've told me from the beginning he was keeping it but it wouldn't bother me. He should have his own money and I should have mine.
    That's what I'm planning on doing. Having a joint bank account between us and each of us have our own separate accounts. We would put anything we don't need for rent, groceries, or kids in our separate account to be used for things we want that only benefit us. For example if we wanted to save in case anything happened

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  • I don't have a problem with a savings account for rainy days. I do have a problem with someone planning how to dump me as soon as they start dating me. How can they ever be invested in a relationship when they're actively investing in us breaking up?

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    • Why would you view it as a plan to dump you? Most people take our car and house insurance hoping they won't need it but as a safety net in case they do?
      Not judging; just curious on the view 😊

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    • That is *extremely* distressing to me.

      Like I said. It's one thing to have a savings account for general upsets. It's a whole other to have one for breaking up.

    • Fair enough 😊 Each to their own.

  • You guys remember the Air Egypt flight that got hijacked last year? Well one of the passenger thought they were going to die so he called his wife and told tell her about a secret bank account he had and guess what? She wanted all the details of the account while the plane was being hijacked LMAO!

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    • Well, it's not as though she would have been able to get them later!

      Rlly -- if it was a Swiss bank account (= essentially anonymous), she wouldn't have had a single sweet chance in burning hell of accessing it, regardless of whether she was next of kin.

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    • Maybe, maybe not.

      I never heard of this incident, but, I suspect that the reporter may just have been sensationalizing the word "secret".
      I. e., ALL Swiss bank accounts are "secret", so, this may have been nothing more than a call to possibly say goodbye, and to ENSURE his wife would have access to the money.

      In fact, I'd actually bet on that. I'd bet a lot.
      No matter the amount in the account, I don't think any man would use his LAST phone call home to be like "Hi wifey, just wanted to say I've been leading a double life for years now, but, you can have the leftovers."

    • @redeyemindtricks The story came form the passenger sitting next to him, so you could be right.

  • I don't see how I would find out about something like that in the first place, if he did have a bank account for that specific purpose. Because why would he disclose that?
    But in the event that I did (maybe he told a mutual friend who then told me), I'd be extremely hurt. I'm not sure what I'd do.

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  • Yes? It's a very good idea and not that uncommon? I know a lot of people that like to keep their assets spread out. It wouldn't bother me, I'd be doing the same.

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  • We dont share a bank account to begin with. Our money is ours. We split bills and expenses, and keep our own. It works well. Not sure why you would share one.

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  • It would bother me yes, but if a divorce were to happen you would have to split everything or fight for anything you want so it would make sense to keep money aside that's just yours.

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  • If it's specifically money reserved for if we end up breaking up then yes, I wouldn't be happy about it.

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  • I wouldn't care. People need to protect themselves.

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  • I wouldn't be okay with that. I'm fine with a prenup but that is a little much

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  • No lol I don't think you should even talk about that shit. I'm in it to win it.

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  • no of course not.. it's totally okay..

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  • Yes, that would definitely bother me.

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  • what that guy said

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  • no he can do anything

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  • One thing to have a reservoir of your own personal money in case of emergency and it's another to have a specific account to "start over" if you fuck your life up

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  • Nope that's fine. My Grandmom did that... had her moms name on the account from before she was 18 and when she got divorced the courts never found out about it. I know a friend who just took it all out and hid it 6months before filing for divorce... he never even knew she had it.

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  • I think it's a wise choice actually.

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