How can the person you were with for 4 years marry a woman from Albania he's only known for 4 months?

Was in a 4 year relationship with a man that stated "he loved me and wanted to marry me". I said I would not simply because there were problems that I had tried to get him to realize & he acted as if they were not. Finally in October2009 I had, had enough and broke it off although it was a hard decision, I still loved him. He went on the Internet shortly after and met a woman from Albania who came over at the end of November and stayed until the end of Jan. I spoke to him in January and asked him how he could move some woman in so soon after we broke up and did he love her. He stated, "its a mutual thing". After she left on 01/31 to go home, I talked to him again. He stated that he cared about me and still did but I wouldn't give him what he wants and I guess she would, moving in I mean. He stated in that conversation that he very well may make the biggest mistake of his life but he just might marry her in a month (although he stated just previously that he didn't know if she was coming back). Well she came back on 03/18 and he told his family he was marrying her 2-3 weeks later. He married her on 04/23. I finally realized what he meant by Mutual thing and that they apparently had decided when she came over that they would get married. How can someone who supposedly loves you so much, marry a woman from another country only a few months of knowing her. Could this be a relationship of convenience, he doesn't want to be alone and she wants her green card? Just very confused as to how someone could do this! I'm really trying to get some insight into why someone would do this.
I will also add that during our entire relationship he and his son never walked with my son and I when we went on outings. I found this to be very hurtful and tried to tell him although it made no difference.
Also his son was usually very rude 2 my son as if he was trying hard 2 push us out of their life. Always thought his dad would speak 2 him about this but he never did. He stated early that if he was not part of my sisters wedding that I would not have
paid any attention to him. I thought at the time and still do that he must not have had a very high opinion of himself to say such a thing. I guess I just don't completely understand men!


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What Guys Said 2

  • some people are dating or pursuing relationships in the hopes of getting took that away from him so he got frustrated and went looking somewhere else...mutuality and convenience is something that can quickly fast forward a relationship and it doesn't matter about time because 2 people have done their homework on what they really want and it seems like a good deal...i don't think that rushing into marriage is a good thing but, if it serves the purpose of both partners no matter how it turns out, then that's the way it has to go for now...

    • I understand where you coming from and you're probably right. His own mother said when he told them he was getting married said she was afraid that he was doing this because he was afraid of being alone. I felt that same feeling many times in our relationship which is why I wondered if it was really love as he said or just the fear of being by himself. To be quite honest I just don't understand it. I always thought he'd think about things and somehow we'd work it out but to my suprise, well.....

  • He wanted to marry you and you said no.. Maybe he thinks at his age he wants to be tied down so that he won't be alone as he ages. If you broke it off with him, he needed to find someone to fill the void in his life, and she was willing to offer that. She probably is getting something out of it. Is she much younger than him? That would probably be a good indicator. I don't think he would go out of his way unless he found the girl really attractive. You and I both know that the relationship won't last. He will try to come back to you, and it's up to you whether or not you want him back, after all he's done. Decide wisely.

    • Well I will say that he is 39 and was previously married for 13 years. He told me straight up in the beginning that no one would ever be as important as his son. Your children should be important but I think your partner should be just as important and to be quite honest I never felt that I was. She's about 36 years old & average looks, I mean she is not beatiful but she is cute. I almost feel as if he is trying to replace me in some way with someone who maybe doesn't care if they are important

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