My girl of 2+ years left me out of nowhere to go back to an abusive ex. Can I get her back?

My ex and I have been apart for a month now and its been confusing the entire time. She and her ex has kids together ages 3,6,and 7. The kids live with the ex. She divorced him about three years ago because he refused to work and was verbally abusive. He pushed her to the point of attempting suicide! Since she left him the way she did, he gained custody of the kids. He treated her like crap for FIVE years. The two years that we lived together, we were inseparable. We did everything together. I have a close relationship with her kids and I love them as they love me also. Her entire family knows that she has never been happier than the time that we were together. AND her entire family hates her ex. We had plans on getting married but I hadn't proposed just yet(I was gonna do that in the next couple weeks) . Then she decides that she wants to be a family for her kids and decides to move in with her ex and the kids. This shattered all that I thought was good and right in life. She says that she still loves me and that she thinks that we have a future together. I treated her so well that she never wanted for anything. She also said that this was the best relationship that she had ever imagined of being in. And then she abandons me out of nowhere. We now live about six hours apart from each other. We still talk but its not the same. I don't know if she is confused or what. I know she is "The One". My question is can I get her back and how? We are the love of each others life. We belong together but I don't know wut I can do , if anything can be done at all.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • this is a really big problem! She needs to get the kids from her Ex then stay away from him, convincing her to do this could be very hard, I say be nice to her, don't act like a creeper, give her space, she'll come back. good luck

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What Girls Said 1

  • its really hard for some women to leave abusive exs. I mean in fact, I think for a lot of abused women, its because they have been so mentally abused that their judgment fails, in terms of safety or what's best for them. And exs can be manipulative. After a victim has been abused so long, they start feeling sorry for the abuser, they in part defend or excuse them for there behaviour. And there's also a martyr effect, where they want to save the abuser. It takes a lot of work to cut the ex out of their life and their feelings for that ex, and they also have to agree with doing this, which they usually dont.

    Its a really hard situation, and the worst thing is, you hope she can be safe. that's more important here than anything else, and it sounds quite dangerous at the moment. I think nows not the time to be convincing her to come back for your relationship, but should support her in getting out of the abusive relationship, for her sake. Friends and family can show their concern, but you can't force her to come back, that might make her more defensive. Just be ready and on call if any sign of trouble occurs. I know its hard, but I hope for the best for you and that you and her can be happy and safe and together, but safety first.

    There's probably a good reason why she's willing to risk herself, most mothers need to protect their children and be with them. maybe a good topic to talk about with her - whether her children are safe with her ex and if she feels this is the case, and whether the children can bear the abuse between parents when it occurs. just I think she knows as well as you do that going to her ex is a risk. just bring up the safety issues so she can think things through again and think about what's best.

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What Guys Said 1

  • unless you can get custody of the kids, you are not going to be able to break that kind of a bond with her and the ex. women have a special bond to their children and if the ex has custody, this makes her trapped.

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