Should he forgive me and do I deserve a second chance?

I've been with a guy for 4 months and in the beginning it was difficult because he was very unemotional and I never knew what he was feeling. A couple months into the relationship I went to Mexico and got completely drunk (not an excuse), and my friend and I were completely taken advantage of. When I first arrived in Mexico, I was receiving somewhat cold messages from my boyfriend and I felt very unsupported and unwanted. I wanted to get away and just enjoy myself; but in no way did I intentionally cheat on him. I was looking for something that I couldn't find in the relationship. But when I got back he told me he loved me, and sat me down and asked if anything happened in mexico, and I denied it. I was so scared and how do you ever tell someone what you did? A little less than a month passed and he found a text I sent to my friend that talked about it and how I was nervous because of certain things. He confronted me and told me I slept with someone and I denied it because I did not know where his source came from. I then began to feel terrible and I wanted to tell him, but he wouldn't answer his phone. Eventually I got a hold of him and told him. I've never felt this bad in my life, especially because he had this problem in another relationship before I came along. I met with him and told him everything, how I felt and cried and apologized and asked for forgiveness, and I get a text the next morning saying he can't be with me anymore because all trust is lost. I understand that, but I feel he jumped the gun a little and didn't have time to think it through. I love him dearly and I care for him so much, it just hurts my heart to see how much I upset him and I can't do anything about it. I'm asking for forgiveness and time for him to compose himself and maybe give it another shot but he doesn't seem interested now, and is so hurt and upset. It's so hard because I know I'm much better than that I'm a good person, but it's so hard to show him. I don't know what to do, and I've said every possible thing. I want to give him time...and I wonder if I even deserve a second chance.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • We've all made mistakes that were never intended to hurt the person we care about. Some people vow to never keep a person around who cheats, some people break those vows to themselves. I can tell you now though that his anger has to deal with the fact that you did cheat and that you waited so long to tell him what happened.

    "but in no way did I intentionally cheat on him. I was looking for something that I couldn't find in the relationship." Subconsciously you did want to cheat. You let yourself go and you let it happen. The thing you have to do now is figure out what it is about yourself that you want to fix to not have this happen again. That's all you can do. The guilt is probably driving you nuts and making you feel worthless but you're not the only one who's been through these situations. The difference is how you come out of it, either a stronger better person, or someone who constantly hurts the person they love.

    In terms of him, you'll have to give him time. Time to think and time to hurt and time to heal. If you think you deserve a second chance, that'll be based on if you feel you can trust yourself to never do that again to any guy. His trust in you will either come back or it won't, it's hard to tell, but all in all you will have to give him time. If he really cares for you he'll come back slowly, but in the mean time just work on coping with what you've done and forgiving yourself so it doesn't eat you alive.

    Good luck.

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What Guys Said 2

  • some people can forgive for things like that, and some cant. I for one couldn't forgive someone, or at least couldn't forgive right away. it would take a long time to get over something like that. and most people are the same. if it was me, I would have broken it off when I found out from you about it. it hurts a lot when you find out someone you love was with someone else when you trusted them to never do such a thing. no matter the circumstance...u said that you didn't intentionally cheat on him, but what does this mean? " I was looking for something that I couldn't find in the relationship." it could mean something totally different I guess, but usually that's how cheating occurs. looking for something you can't get from yur guy/girl.

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    • When I said that I meant that I wasn't getting the support and attention I wanted.and he's very unemotional so I was very frustrated.its nothing to do with sex if that's what you thought. And just the day before he told me he knew, he told me he's the most forgiving person ever.Im sitting here and eating myself alive basically out of guilt.ive never ever felt this disgusted with myself. if only he knew how dumb it was,it lasted like 5minutes and we didn't even finish.thanks for your response, though

  • I am gonna say no on this. You LIED to him. That is a red flag. In his perspective how can he trust you in the future when you cheated on him and lied. I used to give second chances and believe in them, but hearing a lotoif this and seeing this. I wouldn't, maybe for a while or permanently.

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