My Ex won't respond to my text, and be there for me. Despite knowing what I'm going through. Please help me. I'm so afraid. What should I do?

Basically long story short- my boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me. He actually blocked me from everywhere without me knowing we had broken up and after a week of straight begging, he called and told me that. Anytime I've text him, he's been super mean and just blocks me. I love him very much. I keep begging and begging for him. He walked out after years together. Not even valuing our friendship never mind relationship. I'm going through the hardest time of my life, it's affecting me emotionally, mentally and physically. I'm shattered, it's affecting my university and I'm on the verge of being thrown out and lots of things are happening to me. It's overwhelming. I'm so afraid for my own wellbeing. He is my bestfriend, he means everything to me. He's the only one who was there for me, the one who I told everything to. We had so much together, and he just forgot about all of that. I feel so alone and I feel lost inside and my heart is broken. I don't know to cope, everyday I struggle, I feel completely worthless. I want him back, I don't know what to do. I don't give up on people I love and it hurts that he could do that so easily. I have tried everything possible to move on and distract my mind but the pain and good memories are always there. I care about him and always wish the best for him, I really love him. I pray everyday but I'm so depressed. People take advantage of my kind heart and I just want my true love back. I'm not a strong person. Life is too short for me and I believe that if you have something worth fighting for then you shouldn't give up, but he doesn't want to talk to me. I text him letting him know what I'm going through and that I need my best friend and he just ignored me, I'm so heartbroken and in total disbelief that he would do that.. I'm human after all, I don't deserve that. I did everything for him, I'd always support him and be by his side and now when I need him, he couldn't even say one word..
I wanted to text him again and say something about how I'm in disbelief that he couldn't be there for me, but part of me has nothing to say to him anymore. I'm devastated. Should I say something?
He text me and I thought he cared as he was asking and then he started saying that I look okay and to grow up and to fuck off, and a lot of other mean things. I'm devastated, I didn't respond as I have nothing left to say anymore. My heart is so broken, I couldn't stop crying in pain. To know what I'm going through and then just disregard that and abuse me and stab me even harder with that knife completely broke me


Most Helpful Guy

  • What you're going through is very hard, undoubtedly so, but it's what an awful lot of people go through after a breakup when it wasn't their choice to break up. Unfortunately you can't expect anything from your ex because he is now your ex. He has made a choice to not be with you anymore. You can question how he went about that but ultimately he has made his choice and he is allowed to do so. None of us is obligated to be with anyone past the time that we want to be with them. As decent human beings we should try to lessen the impact of the breakup if we can but, again, there is no obligation.

    He is not the one to be there for you anymore and you can't expect him to be. You say that you have tried everything to move on and yet you haven't moved on because you are still holding on to him. That is nothing abnormal, but it just shows that you are still very much struggling for any kind of closure. You haven't yet fully accepted that it's over, that the likelihood is that he is not coming back.

    Fighting for someone and not giving up can seem very noble but, at times, it's just part of the delusion. You can't fight for someone who doesn't want to be fought for, who doesn't want to be with you. That is wasted effort. You need to stop fighting because the cause is lost. What you need to do is to deal with that and to get past this time in your life and on to better times. Nobody said that breakups won't feel like absolute hell but, similarly, nobody has said that this pain will kill you. It won't. It's normal and natural. It's part of the grieving process and part of the healing process. The pain is making you better, even though it feels like anything but.

    • I know all of this but if he ever turned around and said he needed me, I'd be there a second. That's the type of person I am. I know that not everyone is the same, but I'm someone that's in love and even if he has no obligation, he didn't have to end things on such bad terms, when I have only been nice and polite in asking for closure which I didn't get and then my life started falling apart and I let him know bc he knows how hard I've worked for my career and I felt so sad that I'm losing everything. I just wanted to hear something so that I'm able to understand the situation. It's a cruel heartless manner in which it was done. I'm not looking for a relationship, I'm just looking to have my best friend back.. because prior to dating we were best friends for years and our friendship is so valuable to me. It's hard to let go of something that you don't have any answers to. The hardest goodbyes are the ones never said. I can't explain to you the amount of pain I'm going through.

    • Realistically you couldn't have him as your best friend right now because you are absolutely not over him and therefore you would just get hurt again and again, as you held out hope for more. You can't be just friends with someone you love, who no longer is in love with you, until you have grieved for and come to terms with the loss of that love. You would just put yourself in a place of prolonged torture until it inevitably fell apart anyway.

      You can't explain the amount of pain that you are going through but you can be sure that many have been through it before and have survived. Not only survived but thrived, become stronger, smarter and found new love that has proven much more deep and worthwhile.

      Closure is a luxury in a breakup, it really is. Many people simply won't get it, they won't get explanations, they won't get answers, they won't get any comfort beyond that which they provide for themselves. They have to find their own closure, making peace with what has happened.

Most Helpful Girl

  • If he is not talking to you, blocked you everywhere out of the blue you have to let go of him.
    Yes you guys had five wonderful years together but now it is over!! you don't need him to be there for you during these hard times that you are going through. I don't think he is worth fighting for if he doesn't care for your friendship.
    There are other options here, you might have a girlfriend to talk with, family members to talk with? If you do, go talk to them instead.
    Whatever you going through you can go through it!. You might be in this situation for a reason, reflect and find out what that reason is so you can deal with it better.
    Instead of thinking about the five years relationship, think about your future you said you are in the university, do you know how many people wish they could go to the university? And you are about to get kicked out? What?
    Pick yourself up, get yourself together and fight for your career instead of thinking about your ex that doesn't give a shit about you.
    Being depressed because of your ex boyfriend? GIRL FUCK NO!
    There is no time to be depressed, if tomorrow was your last day on earth would you go after your ex and cry for attention or try to enjoy it to the fullest? Think like that and DO NOT let anyone fuck your happiness. You can make yourself happy, you are your best friend, you got yourself at the end of the day, If he is not there for you, YOU ARE THERE FOR YOURSELF.
    Don't be afraid of anything you can go through this, stop humiliating yourself and stand up for yourself!
    Eat healthy meals, go to the gym, spend time with loved ones and study for your career. Stop allowing the depression to affect you physically, mentally and emotionally.
    Go on youtube there are videos to motivate you! You don't even need to pay for that advice GIRL!!!
    Keep yourself busy and you'll see you won't have time to think about your ex or this situation that you going through. You'll be either too busy or too tired.
    Make the decision Girl, is in your hands, you either destroy your self and your life because of THE EX BOYFRIEND AND THE SITUATION or YOU STAND UP AND WITH DETERMINATION AND STRENGTH YOU GET THROUGH THIS LIKE A SAVAGE SUPER WOMAN!
    And if you choose to allow WEAKNESS, the person that your begging to come back is progressing in life, he will archive his goals, find himself a new woman, have kids, while you miserable.
    Good Luck, Stay strong!

    • I'm trying my hardest. I just wanted some help and support from him, and I'm speechless that he didn't even respond. Part of me wants to say something but I feel like there's nothing more for me to say. I'm in immense pain. Thank you so so much. Honestly I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I really need to hear this, thank you for being so understanding and thank you for your advice. I am extremely grateful. God bless you and may you always be happy in life❤

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    • I really hope I can do all of that and become strong. I don't want to miserable anymore. I miss smiling. He text me last night and I thought he cared as he was asking and then he started saying that I look okay and to grow up and to fuck off, and a lot of other mean things. I'm devastated, I didn't respond as I have nothing left to say anymore. My heart is so broken, I couldn't stop crying in pain. To know what I'm going through and then just disregard that and stab me even harder with that knife completely broke me

    • stop having contact with him. Block him, delete him and move on! Don't allow him to tell you harsh things you dont deserve to be feeling worse because of what he sayu. Cry it out let it all out and then you will feel better.
      like I already said spend your time doing the things you love. Outdoor activities like reading a very interesting book, picnic with friends or only you alone with your book. Do some writing about how you feel and what you want to do to be happier. take 1h or more to study and take breaks in between. Go exercise 30 to 90 minutes in the gym or some yoga class or boxing to release anger. Your time is money and investment it in yourself. if you drive go out of town and discover nearby places that are nice... There is so much to do.
      Good luck, don't talk to your ex anymore.
      Talk to other people who are interested in listening to you and spending time with you. Order pizza or make your own pizza and watch your favorite movie you'll feel better if you do this things

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Well, I will offer two hypotheses:

    1) He no longer cares about you at all. In this case you have no choice, you must get over him.

    2) He no longer loves you, wants to end the relationship, but doesn't want to hurt you. In this case, keeping seeing each other will keep your hopes up and in the end you will suffer for longer. It is better not to see him at all and get over him.

    You're gonna feel like shit for a few months... call your friends... you'll feel better eventually, don't lose hope.

    • My friends don't care.. I wouldn't be on this website if I had people to talk to. My friends are fed up me talking about it and barely respond when I tell them what's going on. He doesn't care anymore, I know this and it hurts so damn bad. I just wanted closure, I don't deserve any of this let alone his abuse that comes with it if I talk about how I feel. I just want him to know what this is doing to me and understand me

    • Yeah I was dumped once by a woman I was really in love with, and she never said why. Lack of closure is the worst thing actually.

      I'm gonna sound like an idiot, but try doing some endurance sports like jogging or cycling. Endorphins work wonders when you're going through shit.

    • Yeah it really is, you're just left there in the dark trying to figure out what happened and you're just stuck in one place over and over again. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy

What Girls Said 7

  • im so incredibly sorry you have to go through this,
    my ex did the same thing to me, and i know how bad you're hurting, i really do, my heart goes out to you
    i know you dont want to hear this right now, but it gets better, you will overcome this and you are stronger than you think, so hang in there.
    it might seem like you need him but you don't, your life is going to get much better you just have to take things one step at a time and allow yourself to heal

    • Thank you for your kind words, I appreciate it. I know my heart is in pieces.. I can't think straight anymore, I know how stupid I sound but I can't help this. I just feel like everything is crashing down at once. I feel so worthless and humiliated and I'm all alone.

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    • It won't let me message you because I don't 2 xp! I followed you back, try now 🙂

    • ok i sent you a message :)

  • don't keep waiting for a response... fuck him... he really doesn't care if someone he used to once LOVE can't even get an "are you ok text" from him.

    • Do u think i should say something, I'm just so frustrated and hurt and shocked that he wouldn't even care about my pleas of help.. I wasn't asking for much. M in such disbelief that he would do that to me after all those years we spent together. He will just think I'm attention seeking and that I'm okay

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    • just remember everything happens for a reason... this is just to build your muscle for the next relationship you get in you won't be as vulnerable

    • Yeah I learned a lot from this. Thanks for being kind🙂

  • He broke up with you, of course he isn't going to be there. Go to someone who cares about you.

    • I wouldn't go there if people did care. I did because he's the only one I could talk to, and tell everything to, who understood me. That's why. I get that he doesn't care about me anymore, but it's not hard to be a decent human being. I'm not a stranger, I'm someone he spent 5 years with.

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    • That's messed up, I wish I could give better advice other than giving him some more time to cool off. Try to occupy your time until then. I know it isn't what you want to hear, but the last thing you want to do is make yourself sick over this.

    • I'm already am, like I'm exhausted mentally, emotionally and physically. I cry so hard that my chest starts aching and my heart physically hurts. I wish it wasn't like this. I deserve a response. He would always say to me that all human life is precious when I had issues before so now when I need him he doesn't remember that. It's like he's doing this on purpose, he knows how I feel. I write everything down honestly and yet I'm still left in the dark to figure it out on my own

  • I know it's difficult to understand but when he's blocked all contact from you he needs space and silence. You need to find new friends, a better supportive network, and family to support you through this tough period in your life. I know how you feel, when you're still in love with someone who can completely cut you out. Right now, you need to focus on university and bettering yourself as a whole. You can't rely on this man to be your sole happiness and reason to live. Without him, you will still be beautiful, loved and intelligent. Cry and each time you're tempted to talk to him speak on here and preferably to your friends or family members. For now, you need to focus everything in being independent and not worry about someone who clearly doesn't care enough to help you. You need to cry, use the pain to focus on important goals and go out with friends.

    • I just feel so alone because I don't have many friends and people to talk to that understand me. I'm trying so hard to just smile and focus on myself. I have been going to the gym everyday and I have been working on myself. But my heart is just so broken and it's shattering. I wasn't asking him for much, I just wanted some help and it hurts that he wouldn't do that. I always try to help others and when I need someone, nobody is ever there😪

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    • Yeah and I'm trying to figure out why. I've never hurt or harm anyone so why do am I getting treated like that. Sure I'm not perfect but who is. I always wish the best for others. He just doesn't care anymore, he woke up one day hating me and treating me worse than he would treat someone who has done something to him, I couldn't understand because I was his girlfriend and have been for years and it was just so sudden. He won't reach out to me ever that's the thing. He thinks I'm okay because I post pics of me on social media and his friends show him them if I'm wearing certain things.. once time he actually told me he doesn't care and that I seem to be doing okay, so I'll be alright. I even tried giving him space because I thought he needed time to calm down, but after no response to my text I guess it made it clear that I'm not worthy of an answer and it breaks my heart because I love him more than anything and if he ever needed me I'd be there for him and I always have been.

    • He sounds awful, you deserve a man who goes out of his way to show you he cares and loves you unconditionally. It's time for you to heal from the pain and let go of the past. Delete him off everything if you can't stop reaching out or looking at his social media it will only hurt you. Time for you to be silent and work hard towards your goals. These few days have really been tough for me but how can I allow someone to hurt me this badly without them feeling remorseful. Slowly your mind, body and heart will move on from toxic people. Don't make excuses for his cruelty and heartlessness.

  • Move on you're too good for him.

    Girl, I read what you wrote & I'm tired. You are a lot, too much actually. I don't know if you are just emotional right now because of the break up but you are doing the most. Clearly, this man wasn't your best friend or at least he isn't right now. He cut all contact with you because you sound emotionally draining & he wanted a clean break. LEAVE HIM ALONE. Take the time, let it hurt but fall in love with yourself so that you are not so draining emotionally. Build a backbone. Be about yourself. You don't have to be cold hearted but just fall in love with you. Be there for you & LEAVE HIM ALONE because he does not want to be bothered.

    • First of all, you don't know me and you can't judge me based of a question i have asked on a site. You don't know me or my relationship or him. You don't know why he cut contact with me... if I even began to tell you what he did to me. You'd change your mind real quick. I have ever right to be emotional, you're not in my situation. Don't be heartless

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    • If it was that easy to let go I would have done that by now. Do you think I enjoy being depressed, do you think I enjoy crying all the time, being treated like dirt when I deserve a lot better. No obviously not. If I'm here then it's genuine. I'm here reaching out for some help because I do not want to feel this way anymore. I'm in a tough place in my life, I'm going to be emotionally drained. I've been through a lot of shit, not just with this break up but with other personal issues and I don't mean to come across that way. That's just how I feel. So how do I fix that. I will leave him alone now because I'm just shocked that he wouldn't be there for me and yes I know we aren't together but we always said we'd stick by each other even when we broke up before and we supported each other so I had no idea what happened. Is there a way I could reach out to him in a few months trying to fix things... even if he realises he won't tell me, he'll wait for me to imitate it. That's how he is

    • It's going to be hard with the break up & whatever else you have going on but maybe find some time for you. Go to the movies or the gym. Buy a new dress or something you like. Start treating yourself. Talk to someone, even someone professional about all you are going through. It's hard but you just have to start moving. Find what you like, other interest to keep your mind off of things & eventually, it will be easier for you.

  • Maybe seek help from uni counselling if there is an opportunity like that? xx

    • Yeah I did reach out for help, I'll be starting that sometime soon🙂

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