How do I break up with someone I have feelings for?

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It's hard... just being with him. He's cold... He doesn't have the emotional aptitude to deal with me. He has the emotional maturity of a 6 year old. I tried talking to him like twice, he calms me downs and reassures me. but nothing changes NOTHING ! I even tried to change Myself in order to adapt to whatever this is. I just couldn't...
It's hurthing me... It's emotionally and physically exhausting...

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What Guys Said 21

  • Why breakup in the first place? Honestly, if it's some bs like bad timing or something along those lines you should tell him you're not interested and don't see him in that way. You telling him you have feelings for him and then disappearing is the biggest mindfuck in the world and one of the most frustrating things to go through.

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    • It's hard... just being with him. He's cold... He doesn't have the smotional aptitude to deal with me. He has the emotional maturity of a 6 year old :"I want you to stay but I don't want to commit" even tho we're exclusive. that's the vibe I get from him. I tried talking to him like twice, he calms me downs and reassures me. but nothing changes NOTHING !
      It's hurthing me... It's emotionally and physically exhausting...

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    • Thank you Very Much. This is what I needed to hear. This is my answer. He just wasn't man enough to tell me. even tho I gave him several chances.
      I really appreciate honesty above all.
      It Hurts but not for long.
      Thank you Again !

    • No worries, I wish you the best of luck. Sorry you had to go through that, it's very unfair that it happened to you. Just remember that actions ALWAYS speak louder than words. Just take it as a lesson learned and move on. Now you're even more suites to finding the right guy for you who actually appreciates you.

  • I know you said you have feelings for the guy but it also sounds like your logical part of the brain is telling everything in that relationship is wrong and you should not be with him anymore.

    If you hate all those things about him, then why do you have feelings for him?

    Because he used to be caring and nice at the start of the relationship? Because he can be caring and nice from time to time despite it being rare? Because you feel that if you stick with him long enough you will get to a point where he finally grew up and be the person you want him to be? Because he's great in bed?

    Sorry it Isn't enough... It sounds to me that you still have feelings for him due to second guessing whether or not "he's the one" and you just need to work harder... You worry that if you dump him now, you will make a huge mistake and miss out on a great future.

    You think it could be a mistake to leave him because you may not have tried enough. Obviously you did try more than you should but emotions are getting in the way. You sound like you simply don't want to hurt him by leaving him, but you need to look out for number one.

    Ask yourself, can you see yourself spending the rest of your life with someone like him and can you see yourself putting up with all this crap you have issues with for god knows how long?

    No?

    Then you have your answer. There is no easy way to break up with someone and it is almost always messy, but you need to do it and you know full well that you do, it's just that you don't want to face the situation where you actually do break up with him, him being upset, you being upset, tears will probably fly and it will no doubt be messy.

    But you need to do it so you can move on with your life and it sounds like he needs it done so he can learn a lesson or two about growing up. Over time you will get over the experience and over time you will head out and find someone better.

    But for now, you need to step up for yourself and tell him it is over. It will be difficult but it is necessary. If he says he will change, he won't. It will go right back to where it is now in due time.

    He may change but it won't come until you both move on.

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  • Why would you?

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    • I guess we're too different... He's cold... and emotionally immature.

    • "We're too different, goodbye"

  • Obviously there is a reason that you need to break up. If he's not the right guy for you do it. Rip it off like a bandaid. Tell him you aren't interested anymore its as simple as that. Sounds easy but it will he tough no doubt about that. Yes you have feelings but those won't last forever especially if he's not what you want in a partner.

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    • To your update. He won't ever change. Its for the best for you to break up with him as it is affecting your emotional and physical health.

    • Yes. I agree. Thank you.

    • You're welcome. Just got stick to your guns and do it. Its hard but it needs to be done.

  • You just have to say "Sorry, it's not going to work for me. I hope we can stay friends, but we can't be a couple." I still like almost all the women I dated, even after I stopped seeing them. The breakups weren't anyone's fault, it just wasn't working for various reasons.

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  • You simply explain that it's not working for you, you can't do it anymore. Thanks and good bye and good luck. No blaming, no excuses, no crying, just say goodbye.

    And walk away. If it's not convenient to see him, then just call him. Be done. Move on.

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  • It;s not working, so you have to go.
    Dating should be fun and exciting.
    He is not for you.
    Just calmly explain that it isn't working out, and that you need to find some
    time for yourself to figure things out.
    You might even remain friends, as I did with many of my exes.

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    • I agree. and no , I don't want to stay friends with him. I want him out of my life completely once and for all.

  • Be honest, and tell them how it is. Why break up if you have feelings though? Timing not right?

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    • Because pain is what I feel most of the time now... being with him is just exhausting...
      I tried to fix it but I'm the only one trying. I'm just gonna give up. I know when to stop I just don't know how...

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    • Then you'll have to be more assertive, go into the conversation with a clear purpose, and don't let him distract you from that purpose.

    • I will...

  • What OlderAndWiser posted is good. Just go into the conversation and get it over with. Tell a couple friends and even make plans to meet with them at a certain time. You're going to feel like shit, but if you're at your breaking point, then get it over with, no more contact with this guy for at least a year, and get through the emotions of a breakup.

    If you're living together, you'll also have to figure out who's moving out and when they will have their things out by.

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  • Do not ever change who you are for anyone EVER. I don't care how perfect they seem. The only evil who is perfect for you will dig you, all of you flaws and all and will still wake up each morning with one thought "How can I make that girl smile today". Now go ditch this chump have a cry and get back out there. that guy who is perfect for you will walk on by if he thinks you got a man.

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    • I will :')
      Thank you very much.

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    • it is hard. the pain of the heart is the worst nothing physical can come close. I don't know exactly what happened but I can tell you that from what I have read is that you get better you need to get your power back. yeah yeah everyone says that like it's so easy, it is not. first thing you need to do is (and this is without knowing details and you need only share what your comfortable with) quit seeking validation from him, also worry about him and his feeling no more (now don't do this for every break up, just when the guy is being a ass to you) don't show him that he is affecting you negatively, no matter the pain, when and if you are around him be all like "Whatever man, and get over yourself dude" I know it's much easier said than done but some guys get off on that, it's sad but true. I want to give you a bit of something to trip on ok, now this is pure science. it's 100% true. so keep it in mind. it helps me. ...

    • the atoms in you body that make up who you are were created in the hearts of stars that went nova millions of years ago in galaxies that don't even exist anymore. that means that you are litteraly made up of Star Dust. You my dear are a Star Child. think about that you are a Star Child and you deserve every good thing that this life has to offer you so don't take scraps like a defective asshole who can't even trouble himself to be nice when you are hurting.

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  • life is way too short. just say your feelings around the ridiculously have changed and it's over for you. you don't need to get into why this is true for you, because i feel like it will put him on the defensive and make him feel like you're criticising or judging him, which you are, and that's not only ok, is very important! nonetheless, he doesn't sound like he's got the maturity to handle the detailed truth or take a look at himself in the situation and see his role. so, just approach from the angle of your heart is no longer in it, and you must leave the relationship. maybe he'll be relieved as well.

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    • I think he will. and I have to do this. he's making me do this... I hate him for this.

  • Is he not affectionate with you? Doesn't express?

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  • An attractive looking, but childish players. We saw them. Women love them.

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    • I never gave him that impression.
      But he does fall into those two categories.

  • Its not you and you can't mature him. Find your new guy and enjoy.

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    • I hope it was that easy...
      Thank you tho.

  • look girl if you truly love him/her don't break up

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    • Why stay with someone who doesn't feel the same about you. I'm not a masochist...
      You have no idea how exhausting and painful it is to know that you can never be the person that truly moves them. the person they finally want yo be with...

    • you will find someone love for who you are

  • Why are you breaking up with them

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    • It's hard... just being with him. He's cold... He doesn't have the smotional aptitude to deal with me. He has the emotional maturity of a 6 year old :"I want you to stay but I don't want to commit" even tho we're exclusive. that's the vibe I get from him. I tried talking to him like twice, he calms me downs and reassures me. but nothing changes NOTHING !
      It's hurthing me... It's emotionally and physically exhausting...

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    • I doubt it... He won't change neither will I...

    • Well this is where you two draw your differences
      He'll eventually come back since he's drawn to you, he'll realize what he lost
      THEN you lay out the rules

  • confusing question

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    • Seems very clear to me

  • just reciprocate whatever he does... act like he acts with you

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  • Don't

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  • yeah, cause that makes perfect sense... honestly, it's like, logic of a woman...

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    • It's hard... just being with him. He's cold... He doesn't have the smotional aptitude to deal with me. He has the emotional maturity of a 6 year old :"I want you to stay but I don't want to commit" even tho we're exclusive. that's the vibe I get from him. I tried talking to him like twice, he calms me downs and reassures me. but nothing changes NOTHING !
      It's hurthing me... It's emotionally and physically exhausting...
      And YES ! IT FUCKING DOES !

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    • yeah

    • Okay...

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