Is no contact REALLY the best thing to do?

So I met this guy during his military leave when me and some friends hung out with his friends. I wasn't attracted to him at all so I never bothered talking to him the 1st night. Days later my friends and them hung out, he asked about me. My friend gave him my number and we started just texting. He came down on his weekend off and we hung out. Then kept coming down every weekend after for the next 3 months, it was just me and my roomies so they would come (him and his friend) and just stay the weekend in our house.

Long story short, it started off as a "friends with benefits" thing and we agreed to keep it that way, since he was in the army and was going back home to Cali shortly. About 2 months passed and we caught feelings, we dated for the mean time. When the time for him to go back to Cali came we had already caught tons of feelings and agreed to keep dating and see where it goes. A year passed, we were still together.(.he would fly to Fl to see me & I would fly to Cali to see him every month or so).

Everything seemed perfect until one day out of no where he said we should go our separate ways. Prior to that he hadn't spoken to me in about 4 days which made me wonder. And that was why. This happened about 4 months ago. We agreed to just be friends. He recently admitted to still loving me but that's it, because he doesn't feel the need for a relationship. At the beginning of everything until about a month before breaking up we spoke everyday all day basically. Recently he's been ignoring me. I asked if he wanted me to just leave him alone but he said no he likes talking me..but yet he ignores me. hmm...i feel like I'm just bugging him even though he says I'm not. But if I don't talk he won't either...and its gotten to the point where he just doesn't answer even if I do talk. His and my friends all tell me that he just got scared because of how serious we were getting. I guess commitment scares him. No one expected this from him, he was or still is a super nice guy. I love him and I'm having a hard time moving on, I would love for us to work things out. what should I do? please help I'm losing it. I tried the no contact thing for a week but I gave in :(

I guess an important fact is, the topic that first broke the ice was when he told me he was from Cali, because I had plans of moving out there at the beginning of next year (2011)...I still plan on moving whether me and him fix things...so I don't know if that would help the situation a little more.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Its hard to stay friends with and ex, you end up friends with benefits or can't get over them and move to new relationships etc. He may have met someone else, it seems more that you are having trouble geting over him...

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What Guys Said 1

  • i think the no contact rule works if you do it right. just make sure to not give in and let things go. only problem is, because of yur distance, he might be with someone else and you would have no idea. so it kind of makes everything one big question mark

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What Girls Said 1

  • I think you still think abou him and can't get over him. Your focus is still him. That's why you can't really or seriously think about getting over him or moving on. I also think still talk and in contact with him even make things more difficult for you. I think you know what you should do but the problem is that you can't do it. Why focus only on his needs and his words, and what's about you? Do you think about your own needs? Or does he care about your needs or want to fix things at all? Based on what he did and what he said, is he the person who can truly make you happy? You have to really consider about it if being like this is good for you and then make a decision.

    For me? Yes...Definitely! I feel powerful and independent and strong when I just cut off all contacts. I try not to live my life stuck with an ex who no longer wanted me. I also don't be friends with him even if he said he wanted it as I think being friends will only make me suffer. There's nothing that hard if it's what you really determine to do, maybe it will be hard at first. Keep trying and keep moving forward. Do other things, think about what else that you like to do and makes youself happy, hang out with friends. I always say this to myself "move on, move forward, move on, move forward".

    Love yourself...you have to really love yourself and put yourself first in this situation.

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