Most Helpful Guy
Here's the thing... a lot of women will deny it, but there are plenty of women who take great pleasure in being verbally abusive to their guys. There's no doubt that you're into that a bit, however I don't think that that's the real problem. I think that maybe you two just need to not be together. My ex-wife was the biggest bully ever and she too would be verbally abusive in just the strangest ways. Like... I'd be about to leave the condo and would say "Hey, Audi is low on gas, I'll be right back." and she'd say something like "So you're going to fill it up?" in this "Are you fucking stupid?" tone. And I would say "Umm... yeah" and would leave wondering what I was doing wrong. I think she just enjoyed talking to me like that and making me feel stupid.
The answer with her was simple though -- I should have left her before I ever married her. Not only would it have been better for me, but I think it would have been better for her too. I don't think you're a bad person, but I think you need a reset. Let this guy go (for both of your sakes) and work on yourself a bit.
Most Helpful Girl
... you did go a bit too far and of course there were better ways you could've resolved any issues you had/still have with him. However, that's not to say that his actions (such as getting physically violent against you via throwing you down on the floor, grabbing your hair and legs, etc.) were in any way appropriate either.
You guys BOTH took things way too far, in my opinion.