Should I Ditch Him, Or Give Him A Second (aka 10th) Chance?

So I have been seeing/"talking" to this guy named Aaron since January or so. He's cute, nice, totally outgoing and definitely my type- you would think we'd be in a relationship by now. Anyways, because both of us are so busy, we only hang out every other week or so, maybe every two weeks. But it seems like every time we go to hang out, nothing is.. "Set in stone", so to say- for example, I'll ask him to hang out on Monday, and he'll say that's fine, and then I won't hear from him until Monday, where I sit, and I wait, for him to text me to see if we are hanging out. Kind of pathetic, right? On several occasions where we were supposed to hang out, something always comes up. "My parents won't let me go out", or, "I'm really sick" or something along those lines.

Yet when we do hang out, he seems like he actually does care for me- and I've asked him before if I'm bugging him, and if he's still interested in me, because I don't want to waste my time. He just says he's really busy- which is fine, because I'm a busy gal too, so it sort of worked out.

Until Friday night.

We made plans on Monday to hang out on Friday. Friday afternoon I texted him, making sure we were still on for tonight, to which he said, "I think so :)". All seems fine and dandy. So I told him I have practice at 5, and I'm free after that. He told me he had a job interview at five, so he'll let me know. Let me know what exactly? I'm not sure.

So five o'clock rolls around- I eat dinner, take a shower, blow-dry my hair, and see that it's 6:30 and still no text from Aaron. I don't want to bug him, so I wait a little longer.. Until 8. By this time, I'm all ready to go, and I text him saying, "I'm ready when you are".

After ten anxious minutes, I get the dreaded response: "Hey, they're having me work till close today :/"

I had no idea what to say. I was so angry and so hurt, I just ignored it, and haven't spoken to him since. So what exactly should I do? Should I ignore him and move on? Or let him know how much he p*ssed me off? If I say something, I don't want to sound like a girlfriend to him, because I'm clearly not his girlfriend- but I also want to let him know he can't do crap like this to me. Basically, should I ditch him, or give him a second chance?

By the way, I still haven't officially received an apology from him, nor have I heard from him since Friday night.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • He's lame. The first time he stood you up you should have warned him and the second time you should have dumped him. If you are clearly not his girlfriend, then don't make him that much of a priority, he is taking too much space for a guy who is a) not even your man after nearly 6 months of dating and (b) isn't treating you properly to begin with. If he wanted to spend time with you that badly, he would stick to his word and keep his plans. He is flaky and disrespectful. I think talking is unnecessary at this point. You have let him do this to you over and over again and he has continued to do it like being considerate to you is not even an option. He doesn't sound all that great to begin with and from what I read no, it's not a good relationship so no need to worry about "burning through" anything. there are other guys out there.

    -If you are upset with a guy - tell him about it! Tell him why you're mad and express yourself. You have that right.

    -If he does something disrespectful let him know you didn't appreciate it and be mad. Sometimes guys complain about bitchy girls, but sometimes a little sternness is necessary. If a guy blows you off then its not like, oh just a misunderstanding, no, he know that wasn't cool and he knows he did wrong. So if he does something that's not just a mistake but something that was obviously wrong, give yourself permission to show him that you're mad. that lets him know that you won't sit passively by while he disrespects you. He will know he can't treat you like that. I'm not saying start screaming at him crazily but you know just let him know..

    its time to put this guy on the bench and find a new starting player

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    • I don't know who you are, but what you said is absolutely fabulous. I love it! Thanks for the advice.

      I think I should text him, tell him what's on my mind, and say something like, "Look, what you did the other night wasn't acceptable. You can't expect me to wait around for your call because I'm not that type of girl. If you want to see me again, you're gonna have to make it up to me big time."

      Does that sound assertive? Thanks so much for the advice girl, I really appreciate it!

    • Yeah that's good. I sent my guy a text and it was similar to yours too. He will most likely change and try to suck up to you and stuff, then that's when the ball is in your court. Mine did that but by that time I was just irritated by him I ended up with someone else lol..good luck

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What Guys Said 2

  • I think you should move on, if he is nice and interested in you, he would have taken the time to get to know you properly, it isn't a nice feeling being stood up, and I could imagine you were angry, I would be if was hanging out with a girl and she done that to me. Just because you don't hear from him much, that doesn't say anything about you either, some things work out, some don't. But I'm guessing if you moved on and maybe met another nice guy, this current guy wouldn't matter so much. Hope this helps

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    • Thanks! it helped a lot, actually. and I've decided to move on after he took me out with his friends- and I realized that we were totally different people, and that I deserve way better than him.

    • Good for you, wish you the best!



  • I think you should talk to him about it. If your tactic is to dump someone every time you hit some problems with even attempting to solve those problems, you're going to burn up a lot of good relationships really fast. Sitting passively and expecting things to change without making an effort to change them is pretty silly as well.

    If you care about him, you'll get involved and let the guy know there is a problem. If he cares about you, he will do everything in his power to resolve that problem.

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    • I get your point. I'm considering sending him a text telling him what he did wasn't acceptable and I'm not the type of person to put up with it- so, then, if it works out, then it works out. If not, at least I let him know what was on my mind.

      Thanks so much for the advice I really appreciate it!

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