Girlfriend with depression/anxiety I tried to help but it went bad, what can I do?

Hey guys, first time post. I've been dating a girl (LDR) for a few months now after knowing her for a few years and from meeting her it was obvious that she was shy, and as this progressed it was found that she has had some history with relationships that have gone bad and what seem like depressive tendencies. Recently she become less and less talkative to the point of not even saying hello for whole days and recently i found that she always thinks "paranoid" where she is only thinking about the bad things about the people around her and the ones she trusts to the point of her feeling sick and always saying that she's the problem and it all he fault. So i tried reassuring her about thing making sure she was okay telling her how much i cared and loved her, that kind of thing.

But today i asked if shed ever thought about getting professional help from someone like a doctor or something. But she says that was bad and made her feel worse and that it wasn't 'Normal' and i apologized which didn't go down well either, to the point where she's probs angry now and she now says she's not gonna tell me about her feelings anymore and that she's gonna keep them to herself from now on.

First of all, was i right to do this?, i'm just really concerned about her
and Is there any way that i can at least diffuse the situation or make it any better? I'm just completely lost now, I have no clue what to do or how i can approach this. I just need some advice...


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  • Depressed male, here.

    First off, the absolute best thing that can happen to this girl is getting professional help. You were spot on in that. If you care about her, my advice is that you double down on that course of action. Pick one of (school counselor, teacher, her parent, clergy) and get an adult involved.

    Her depression will undertake to twist incoming input in a negative way, such that the common-sense "Let's get you to a doctor" comes past her filters as "You aren't normal," but it is in fact perfectly normal to go to the doctor with an illness. Depression is just another form of illness, but she may not be able to see it for a long time.

    If you don't want to escalate, I suggest you visit Reddit's /r/depression forum, they have a whole section on how to talk to a depressed friend, s. o., or family member, as well as tips on recognizing suicidal behavior.

    The general advice is "Listen. Support. Love."

    The specific advice I'll give is "Make your own support network strong." If you are going to undertake to support somebody with depression, you'll need to have support from some people who have ONLY your best interests at heart, and support from some people who have BOTH of (you and her) best interests at heart.

    There is definitely emotional-sponge potential in the depressed mate, and a particular set of nasty tricks that may lie ahead - think along the lines of "If you leave me, I'll kill myself," threats, at which point we're way past normal teenage boyfriend/girlfriend and into emotional abuse and manipulation.

    So, as they say on the airplane, "Put your own oxygen mask on first."

    You must take care of yourself, well and truly, in order to give her the support she needs.

  • This girl is an emotional sponge. You need to be careful that she doesn't drain the life out of you. If she refuses to get help then you certainly can't help her. At best you risk becoming depressed yourself as she pulls you down into the blackness with her. Now that she refuses to even talk there is literally nothing that you can do, nor is there anything that you SHOULD do. If she wants you as a friend then she should earn that. It shouldn't be all one way traffic.

    Don't let someone else's drama become your life. You won't win any prizes for it. Chances are she'll just fuck you around again and again and then one day she'll be gone and you'll be left wondering what the hell hit you.

  • You did the right thing. You can clearly see she has issues. She is just in denial and angry about it. This is all the more reason she needs professional help. Now, you need to realize that you are not the cause of her situation, it isn't your responsibility and you have no obligation to correct it. Good for you for wanting to help, but never feel guilt tripped into it. You have the right to a happy relationship, not one where you have to step on egg shells all the time and be forever worried and concerned for her. She needs to want to be happy too. If she refuses to seek help, then she is abusing you and your generosity towards her. It isn't fair to you or her to continue if she refuses any help. Your relationship would be doomed. So I would put my foot down and say if she loved you she would get some help because the way things are won't work!


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