She still talks to her ex, and he doesn't know me and her are dating?

Me:age 19

Her: age 18

Her ex: age 22

So I met this girl through work, really suddenly.. we ended up going to the same school, and we hit it off really well while she was still together with this guy. they had been together for 3 years before I came around and she was saying how they were having a lot of problems, she ended up breaking up with him and waited roughly a month before finally we started dating... about 2 and a half months pass and while I know it would be hard for her to get over this guy she was with for three years, and she jumped into the relationship with me kind of quickly after such a long one... and so I was a little skeptical at first and kinda tried not to bug her about it too much in the start(even though I later found out they were talking every day during the first few weeks that we were dating, until his phone got turned off) but as more time passed I tried really hard not to ask about him at all. she still like talks about something he did and such but nothing too huge... but its to be expected since she was with him for three years. so more time passes and she eventually (though maybe a bit early) says she loves me and while I feel the same way if not more about her I still know she is talking to him through a friend of his that uses another phone. and I worry about it.. because she has told me that when he talks to her he try's to guilt trip her in every way possible as I understand from what she tells me he says, things like; oh I'm leaving to go to Mexico and other things in that manor. and me having done this in the past for someone I still wanted, knows that he would try anything for the one he wants.. so automatically I don't trust and want her talking to him and I wanna know if that's bad or if I should be more understanding... or what. and she often avoids talking about the subject of him at all when I ask her things about it though its not often... I'm kind of offended that she doesn't tell me strait up. and she has not confirmed that she told him that she is with me yet, only that she sees me and talks to me. so what should I do? because though I try to not think about it much... it still bugs me a lot and hurts me to know, and yes I have told her that I don't like it and that it hurts me... and her only response usually is "i know..."


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think me and my boyfriend are in teh same problem. I still talk to my ex. I was in love with him so bad, but I love my current boyfriend waaaaaay more, like way way way more! lol. The thing is though, I still get the urge to talk to my ex, I like talking to him, I don't have any feelings for him but there will always be that something there that will stop me from deleting him from Facebook or deleting his number. We broke up 2 years ago now. I have been with mike for a year and a bit. He knows I still talk to my ex and I know how much it hurts him so I prefer to not let him know I'm doing it or talk about him. Perhaps your girlfriend feels the same way? What you need to do ask her straight out if she still wants to be with him. tell her you don't care what her answer is, you just need to know the truth before things get even deeper and one of you gets badly hurt. You don't want to suddenly find out you were the rebound guy. Don't try and tell her not to speak to him because this never works, it just pushes us further away and it causes arguments which may encourage us to look elswhere for positive male attention. You just need to find out the truth about what's going on. If she tells you they're just friends, tell her to be careful and explain how he might be trying to get back with her. Then all you can do is trust her. if you don't, its simple - there is no relationship if there is no trust.

    This may be a rambling messy piece of advice but I'm tired and I'm just saying whatever opinions come into my head lol

    I hope it all works out

    Faye x

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    • She has told me that she does not want to be with him, and that she wants to be with me. and I believe her and I totally trust her. and initially I was skeptical about being that rebound guy and the way it seems now, I think she does truly want to be with me.

      id have to agree in that I think she just likes to talk to him though she doesn't want to be with him anymore. and she tries to not tell me but I end up asking because I can't help but wonder sometimes

      very insightful!

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 2

  • I think you should go with your gut feelings on this one. Yeah, she's probably still really close to the ex and whatever, maybe she wants to stay friends with him, BUT the red flag is that she hasn't told him about YOU. There is no reason to keep it a secret from the ex unless she is still interested in him - still being "single" keeps the ex around with possibility of getting back together. If it were truly a platonic friends-type relationship between them, there wouldn't be any qualms about talking about you (this from experience of talking about boyfriend with my own ex).

    Also if she does "love you" and she knows that it hurts you, she would be trying to change the situation instead of leaving it the way it is...

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    • Thats what I was thinking too... why wouldn't she just tell him.... I know that he knows there is a guy but she hasn't put a label on it yet... though I've asked her to just simply do that... and I wouldn't worry about it... so he knows that she has moved on ya know?

  • Personally, I would be offended too. It seems that your girlfriend still has a thing for her ex, otherwise she would've stopped talking to him. I always say that I want all of someone, not half of them, and it kind of seems like she's only giving you half of her. For me, a month wasn't enough time to get over my ex that I was with for a year...so I'm kind of thinking, she wasn't over her's either. One of the key things (in my opinion) in a relationship is trust. If you can't trust her, the relationship may only get harder. If this truly bothers you, just sit down with her and let her know how you feel. If all she can say is, "I know" and she's not saying, "I'm sorry, I don't want to hurt you..." then maybe she's not sorry at all. If she truly does love you, she would see that what she's doing is hurting you and she would stop.

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    • She has told me that she feels its unfair to me in the relationship but that was at the start and doesn't seem that way anymore. and I have told her it hurts me and she says I know... like she is trying to stop but its hard because they had such a long relationship... which I can understand... and she doesn't ever call him because she doesn't have a phone... he always calls her from random numbers

What Guys Said 2

  • Understanding? If your girl is corresponding daily with a dude, you should be at least alert. If that dude is her ex? Her ex trying to get her back? Squash that.

    "I know"? The answer to that was, "I don't want you to know. I want you to stop."

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  • dude don't be with this girl. this relationship is wack and you know it. she needs to be single for a good long time befores she ready to date. and love somebody after this short of a time ha. obviously she doesn't know what love is. she means I lust u. she should have 0 contact with her ex and she needs to be able to do that before she will be ready for a relationship your not her boyfriend your her replacement.

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