How do you breakup a relationship when both of you love each other more than anything?

I am engaged to someone after dating for 5 years.. due to work he lives abroad. Yeah now its a long distance relationship. Things aren't great. I loved this guy with all my heart and now I don't feel it anymore. All I wanted from him was his love and attention. I wasn't getting his attention at all so slowly we drifted apart. But my life took a turn for the worst. Somehow... I absolutely don't know how tbh, i feel for my friend. He has been my friend for years! He was always in love with me but never showed it because he didn't wana come in between me and my fiancé. Anyws, when he found out that my fiancé and I were soo drifted apart.. he thought we broke up or something (its all my fault for not telling him that we weren't broken ul). So we started dating. Of course my fiancé doesn't know, nor my family. Me and my friend have been dating for 4 months now. I just realized what i feel for his is sooo much different from what ever experienced in my life. He also feels that way.
Its like I can't breath without him. He means the world to me. But i know we have to end it. I just don't know how!! There are a lot of family binding etc which won't allow me to be with the guy i am dating. Also if i break up with my fiancé it will crush him. Pls help me how i should break up with the person i am seeing now. I know it will break us both and disappoint both of us for the rest of our lives but I am thinking about our families and people who are involved with us. If i break up with my fiancé, it will affect a lot of people. Do I sacrifice our happiness for the sake of others? If so how and where do i even start?
Ps. Guys if you wana judge me or put me down.. please don't comment. I hate myself enough already 🙂


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  • tell your fiance you've been cheating on him for the past 4 months and everything will sort Its self out.

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What Girls Said 18

  • I understands how you feel, I felt the same way when my fiance went to prison, but then after meditating about it I came to the conclusion that I have to think about myself. And you probably do understand how much I suffered to, not just for me being alone again but for him being under the authority of those worms loser failed cops calling themselves CO ' s ( I ' m sorry if I offend anyone in law enforcement, I worked in law enforcement as well in the past, but CO ' s are like the lowest quality both as law enforcement and as humans ).
    So try to let the feelings heal, for me it took about 2 months or so, and try to think with a clear mind what works best for you. Of course other strings attached with families and what not can affect you indirectly, but think about what would be in your best interest. Also, feeling so deep in love, head over heels where you value someone more than yourself can be a reflection of low self esteem. I know it because I was there after an abusive relationship. So think what ' s in your best interest. If your fiance is so determined maybe you can rely on him. Maybe if the new guy would not completely break other chances of success in life that losing the ties with your family can bring then you could choose him. Just don ' t choose out of pity. If you pity your fiance then it ' s time to break up with him and choose the new guy instead. But as I said, only if the worsened relationships with your family won ' t affect your success in life.

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  • Life is too short for regrets, or making choices for your life based on how someone else may feel. I truly believe you can love more than one person at a time. Imagine your life without one of these men in it, which one hurts the most when you imagine it.

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    • Thanku for understanding that its possible to love more than one person at once. 99% of the people consider me as a bitch but i guess we all have our reasons to love diff people. But I will be 100% honest, I didn't mean for this happen. So it really sux for me to imagine different scenarios☹️

  • Even if you hate yourself for thinking about breaking up with either of them, just do it and instead try to fix/stabilize the relationship you see as more important. A secret relationship will only bring pain to everyone involved. Sure, their effects on friends and family might be different but they have no right to decide your partner.
    As for breaking up, Inthinknit's best to get it over with quickly. Compared to when you keep it bottled up try to hide the fact you two broke up, It'll hurt a lot more for a while but it will most likely also heal much quicker.

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  • Listen to your heart and do what you feel right... I would choose to be with person I love. Your problem you have a fear to be judged, crush something and break someone's heart. You should think of yourself.
    You have two choices: you can stay with your fiance with regrets and be unhappy or you can be with person you love regardless what someone would think of you. Your family should be happy for you, ofc they would be in some kind of shock and confusion but in the end they wish you to be happy

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  • And this... This right here ladies and gentleman is why no one has trust anymore.

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  • because of girls like you people can't trust even girls nowadays. if you didn't feel anything for him, you should have broken up with him before itself INSTEAD OF CHEATING WITH HIM.

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    • Yep I agree with you. Because of fuckers, good girls have to compromise with shit boys. As good boys have lost trust

  • Just because you were with someone for 5 years doesn't mean you should stay with them. My suggestion is that you talk to your fiance, and tell him that you are starting to lose feelings.

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    • By fiancé is my best friend. That's how i have seen him for the past 10 years of my life.. but he cheated on me 3 years ago.. but i was too blindly in love to walk away.. I started losing feelings shortly after that but always dragged out this relationship. Only now i realize the mistake i made. Now that my fiancé is 100% committed to me and loves me more than anyone else makes it harder for me to leave him because I don't wana hurt him. Also there are soo many other factors involved which i cannot overlook. At the same time, the person i am seeing now.. well he is nothing less of an angel. He made me a better person and he is my better half and i can't walk away from him.

    • For me, if you were so sure about your fiance. You'd just drop the other guy. So if you don't drop the other guy it means you're not sure about your fiance.

  • What i would do is distance a bit from both guys and try to look at the situation from another side. Who do you want to be with.

    I do agree it's hard to go on with LDR and very risky... but also your feeling for your friend doesn't mean he's the one for you. You may feel happy right now because you're not happy about your Fiancé not giving you attention. I would try to talk it out with him if possible so both of you would be happy. I doubt he's happy being away from you neither. So seeing your friend could be a just someone to fulfill your needs. Plus you've only dated for 4 months, that's not enough to determine.

    Like i said distance yourself from both and i'm sure you'd get idea what's best for you. After doing rethinking, you should go for what you feel, no matter what other's say because it's you who is going to live this way... but again think carefully, you don't wanna make a mistake here as there will be no turning back. Decisions are going to be final.

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  • Don't hate yourself. No one has the right to cast judgment unless they have been in your shoes. And even then sometimes they will never understand whether it makes it right or wrong. I think the only piece of advice I can give you is to do what would ultimately makes you happy because this is your life. Sometimes, no matter the things we do in life we have to set aside other peoples feelings and think of our own.

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  • you need to be honest

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  • if you can't handle being in a long distance relationship with the man you're engaged to you dont deserve anyone. LDR works fine as long as you put in the effort, which you obviously are not if you feel nothing for him anymore.

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  • If you aren't happy with your fiance, don't be with him.
    Be with the person that makes you the happiest.
    Just be honest to your fiance about how you have been feeling.

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  • Listen to your heart
    Don't get married because it is for your family and friends. Be with who you are in love with. Remember it's always great in the beginning.
    What if you loose the man you love?

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  • Go with the guy who you love and makes you happy. I would break up with your fiance.

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  • Honestly, I don't think you love either of them and you lied to both.
    This new love of yours is just probably a way of you convincing yourself you actually don't like the other guy and had a great reason to cheat on him like you couldn't help yourself - not true.
    Conveniently, it's an impossible love, so you don't actually need to owe to it and are already looking for a way out. When you really love someone, you don't give up that easily.

    And no, I'm not putting you down. Not wanting other people to point out the blatantly obvious doesn't solve anything. You should be more honest with yourself and the others, maybe things would start working out more in your favour.

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  • i personally think you should break up with your fiance even if its agianst family stuff, because its your life and not there's and you will just end up resenting him and your family for the rest of your life. if your family can't respect your descision to see a different person, then thats their problem and not yours, they need to deal with it. but if you really can't date the guy your dating just tell him straight that you can't see eachother anymore and cut off all contact, pretty much like how you dont see your fionce, and after a year or so your feelings will probably go away

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  • I would still stay with your fiancé. Don't break his heart or others. But why not just talk to your fiancé about this because relationships are about being honest, open, truthful, faithful, loyal, etc. I'd do that because if nobody speaks, it only gets worse from there every second. Not majourly, but bit by bit it will, trust me on this!

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    • Thanku.. i also agree.. its just the situation i am in.. its like I can't explain nor walk away from it.. frankly speaking my fiancé cheated on me 3 years back and i forgave him because it was a one time thing but through my process of forgiveness I lost my feelings.. tho he is 110% committed to me now and will remain with me no matter what, it kinda makes it harder for me to walk away from him. Esp because i know that he is a great person!! But tbh.. the person i am with now.. is the love of my life and he is even greater of a person.. I don't know my head isn't working at all.. 🙁

    • But I do kinda understand what you mean because 2 years ago I had a friend who was madly in love with her boyfriend, but as soon as he proposed to her, she kinda lost feelings for him. I'm pretty sure it was stress from the wedding because that's what she said to me many times since she heard many stories of couples who are fine and madly in love with each other, then when they get married, it's not so fun anymore. She dated him for 7 years before he proposed and she didn't know what to do because she instantly felt feelings for her ex again. But I told her to tell him (not her ex, but her fiancé) this and talk to him about it because stress makes things 100 times worse than usual. So she did. And once she did that she felt a lot better and ended up marrying him just last June, actually

    • Her fiancé was upset that she was feeling things for 2 guys at the same time, but he was understanding because he said he was nervous about a whole "after marriage life" happening as well

  • You're a bitch... you don't deserve either guy at all. Honestly you should take some time to yourself so you can grow the fuck up.

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