SHOULD I STAY OR LEAVE?

I've been seeing a man (separated for 1 year and going through divorce) dor 3 mos and things are going great. We have same values, interests and great sex life. We've exchange "i love yous" and i know that he sincerely cares abut me. I've accepted the fact that he is still married and won't be able to commit in the future. In those 3 mos we've been seeing each other i know or maybe i just make myself believe that i can keep up with "casual relationship" even though we've exchanged deep feelings with each other but at the end of the day a single/never married woman like me still wants commitment i am in no place of being successful in my career at the moment as a matter of fact i just got laid off and still looking for a job but i'm pretty positive i'll get things altogether soon. I'm not ready to get married anytime soon either but there's still something inside me that wants assurance/commitment.

He said he is guilty of not being able to treat me the way he wanted me to be treated (girlfriend) he wanted to parade me in front of his friends take me on holidays, spend days, nights even awkward and not so pleasant hours but he can't. I understand that. I know how it is to he divorced or separated it's takes time to heal and self exploration. But the connection and bond we have is so good i know i have to let go he knows it too because he don't want us to get hurt. But how do you exactly do that? This is so sad and painful. I can't do it even when my brain says so but my heart doesn't seem to understand. Please help me.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You need to do what you think is best for you, he can't give you what you are looking for at the moment and regardless the reason he has left a door open for himself and you should do the same, he might be promising you the world now but in the end you might end up a lone and heart broken, if he really cared about you he will not hold you back

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    • I can't commit in a relationship too as i need to get back on my feet too.
      But i need to be at least get attention/love/care and fun and sex. He gives me that. But I can't seem to shake the idea that he will change his mind in future. He didn't tell me that he will change his mind/ or get tired of me he also said that he would respect that if i choose to leave because of his status and knows that it wouldn't be fair to me if one of his feet is in marriage/divorce. And you're right i "might" be left alone heart broken and that's what i fear the most.

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What Guys Said 7

  • why do you want to leave if you know for sure he is going through divorce? He will be able to treat you better soon.

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    • He is yes going through a divorce but maybe i might be a rebound although he made it clear that i'm not but he might not know it. It is an amicable divorce he's having. But i'm scared that someday i just wasted my time and get hurt.

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    • He is a decent guy and i feel he is very sincere and cares about me a lot. What questions me is that why is he so scared of the feelings he have for me? I know he can't commit i accepted that and I can't commit too. Just scared he'll pull away and leave me or break up with me when i've fallen already. Not sure how to handle this.

    • i am not sure why he is scared. But if you feel his feelings are sincere than may be you should give him a shot.

  • up your self confidence and don't let him control your opinion of yourself. he sounds like he has some issues tbh and i would leave even if he comes crawling back...

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  • You can't believe he won't cheat on you just like he did with you? Sorry baby but he is using you for sex and you can't believe a word he says. Bet there's more to him then you know, and its not good.

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  • Leave. you can't "make yourself" keep up casual thing. in the end you'll be the one hurt. enjoy what you had and move on before it gets ugly

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  • u should stay

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    • I am scared. So scared.

  • By telling your self you need better

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  • stay with him.

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    • Why?

    • things might change someday

    • I'm just worried that he leave when he realizes that he really didn't want a relationship and that's inevitable especially with divorcĂ©e. I'm scared

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