Had a miscarriage last week and boyfriend split with me yesterday, advice please?

Hi I'd been with my boyfriend 15 months, we planned for a baby. I got caught straightaway but unfortunately last week miscarried. My partner was upset but we said we would get back on our feet and try again in the future. Since then he has been hot and cold, one minute telling me he's there, and then saying it's over as he doesn't see the opportunity arising again for another baby as I'm 40. I don't see this as an issue. I feel he's putting having. Child before wanting to keep me in his life, we both have children already from other relationships.
He then ended it with me, just plucking things out of thin air to disagree with me. I went to see him to talk and he said go away and then told me he didn't love me anymore, this man was holding my hand only five days ago telling me everything will be ok and that we can focus on each other. I went home upset, I don't believe he doesn't love me anymore. He text to say don't contact me anymore so I haven't, as heartbreaking as it is I can't chase him. I've done that already. I'm feeling so low that I lost baby and him in less than a week.
Yesterday out the blue he texts me to wish my daughter a happy birthday. I haven't responded. From a male point of view is that just his guilt, or he's trying to show respect for walking out my children's lives or is it a message hoping I'll respond so he can converse with me?
I don't know what to do but leave him to it. He's now set up a dating profile so I guess this man means business. Any thoughts really appreciate it?
also he suffers with anxiety and depression so our relationship has been a rollercoaster due to this


Most Helpful Guy

  • sounds like he has something lie bipolar or borderline personality dissorder as well (but I could be entirely wrong). Some women blame theirselfs for miscarriage.. I hope you know that this isn't your fault. I hate the fact that he acts this way because this must be so difficult for you.. I honestly have no idea what he was trying to do with the happy birthday message. I would just talk to him so you both know where you stand. Ignoring him is only going to leave confusion between you two.
    I hope everything will be alright.

    • Hi I have wondered about the bipolar, even mentioned it to him for him to be in denial. He says and acts one way one day and then another the next. He acknowledged is outbursts are destructive and was going to get help. He didn't. I've supported him so much and just wanted his support on this occasion and he's let me down.
      I'm scared to contact him for fear of looking like I'm chasing him. Thanks for replying x

    • Show All
    • @jduncan2017 true. I'm glad to be a nice person and glad you are too 😊 Not enough of us in the world today. Thanks for chatting

    • Thank you have a nice night

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What Guys Said 4

  • if he can't get his *stuff together* before the baby. Do you really want a man that *could leave at any moment * when the late night 4am crying starts or the (late night trips to the hospital). If I were a women i would think super hard about what he's showing you now before you make a life long choice. Not judging just my option

    • Thanks you are very true. He has shown his true colours now and been unreliable and unstable and left me when I need him most. He does need help. Thanks for your reply

  • In my experience, a miscarriage is very intense and emotional, there's a lot to deal with, he might need some time to adjust

    • Thanks I asked him if it was to do with the baby and could we talk through it all. He said it wasn't and he just wants to move on from me. It's so difficult as I want to be there and in his life.
      It really is a difficult thing to go through. It's been painful emotionally and physical and I feel abandoned

    • I can totally understand that, it's a messy situation to be in...

    • It's very intense for both, it's a hard thing to deal with together

  • I am sorry for you for the loss of your baby due to your miscarriage...

    ... but he sounds like he has a cruel streak in him and what he has done to you is in my opinion unforgiveable, I think you deserve to be treated much better than he has done... so I would sincerely advise you move on from him as quickly as you can, hopefully you will find a man who will truly love you and be there for you no matter what.

    Good luck

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    • To be fair I understand your comments totally but when your hearts involved, your children and the death of a baby, things aren't as easy as that

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