How do you prefer to handle a breakup?

How do you prefer to handle a breakup?It is time to break up. I have tried to be the best boyfriend that I can be but, after two years, she just isn't into me. I've told her that I love her; she has told me that she really likes me, respects me, and trusts me. . . but she doesn't love me. Spending time together is not as important to her as it is to me. In the last three weeks, we have spent only one night together. She had plans for all those other weekend days I wanted to be together, and her plans didn't include me.

I am not angry at her but I am disappointed that she has been somewhat selfish in our relationship. I could tell her how I am sad, disappointed, etc. but what's the purpose? It won't change anything. So why even tell her all the reasons and go through the litany of "I said this and then you said that and then I did this," etc?

Of course, if our relationship had been toxic, my plan for breaking up would revolve around minimizing the drama and the potential for any arguments getting out of control. But that is not a concern.

Have you broken up when you realized that a long term relationship just wasn't working? How did you break up?

  • I have never had a relationship that broke up.
    17%(7)22%(14)Vote29%(7)
  • My only breakups were of toxic relationships and I just made sure that I was safe.
    12%(5)9%(6)Vote4%(1)
  • When I broke up, I told my SO via text or email
    15%(6)14%(9)Vote12%(3)
  • When I broke up, we did it over the phone
    12%(5)12%(8)Vote12%(3)
  • When I broke up, we did it in person but it was brief and relatively unemotional
    20%(8)20%(13)Vote21%(5)
  • When I broke up, we did it in person and discussed the reasons. Later, I realized that this WAS helpful
    12%(5)12%(8)Vote12%(3)
  • When I broke up, we did it in person and discussed the reasons. Later, I realized that this was NOT helpful
    12%(5)11%(7)Vote10%(2)
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Most Helpful Girl

  • It sounds like you two are on different life paths. You want commitment, and a connection. The way you describe her, it sounds like she is just looking for a good time. If you already told her and she hasn't responded then just get everything you own and leave and don't bother looking back. When I was your age and I knew it wasn't going to work, I didn't even bother calling to tell them it was over, they will figure it out and it sounds like like she needs someone to do just that, leave her alone. Don't feel bad, just block her calls for as long as you can and when you do speak don't bother explaining, just say your moving in a different direction. Don't fall for any lies or manipulation to win you back, you're not married. I hope that helps. Go find a good girl at a library or soup kitchen volunteering. You'll thank me later. Best wishes.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • When I break up with a girl, I usually have 2 rules that never change.

    1. Unless it doesn't make sense to, break up in person.

    2. Do not have sex and then break up.

    I had this girlfriend once and I was trying for a month to break up with her. I wanted to tell her after we hung out for a bit because I felt bad just showing up breaking up and leaving. The only problem is that I kept having sex with her. I wasn't even the one initiating. I felt like shit. So I just came over one night when I knew we would be alone and broke up with her then..

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What Girls Said 8

  • I recently had to let go of someone I liked. We did not date, but I had that one sided "feelings."

    I was very upset and angry at first. I would think about him and kind of prove him wrong in my head, and etc. That did not help, so after a while, I finally decided to take the right approach..
    Block his number, focus on myself (family, goals, hobbies), and not dwell on his thoughts even subtly. That has helped.

    Today, I thought of him again for a minute and felt distressed. Then, thank God, I was quick to realize that I shouldn't do that. If I just stick to this solution a bit longer, I know soon enough I would forget about him and no longer feel distressed by his thoughts.

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  • I don't think discussing reasons at the time of the breakup ended up being that helpful, but it felt necessary. Discussing reasons after we'd had some time to cool down ended up offering a little more insight. But I think it would be too hard to have a proper breakup without discussing the reasons at the time, even if it doesn't stop you from being upset, it feels like the natural thing to do.

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    • Bullshit. No one wants to hear it. It doesn't fix anything, just pisses people off. Just agree to disagree. Just move on.

    • Show All
    • @samhradh_leannan @Browneye57 The UN peacekeeping forces have arrived. You two obviously are not going to persuade each other of anything. If you need to keep sparring to get out some pent up anger, have at it, bit it isn't a pretty sight. Why don't you call a truce?

    • @Browneye57 You are the one who came to my answer and told me that what I'm doing, which works for me personally and has been a huge help to me so far in my life, is bullshit. I am not the one picking a fight.

  • Oh that is very unfortunate :(
    I'd say tell her that you are unhappy and you're leaving. The thing is, if you tell her why, she might want to "change" or claim she'll change to keep you. Maybe there's always that possibility so I don't know if giving her an explanation would be the best thing, it's up to you to read the situation when it comes.

    I've tried to have civil break ups, but my exes were crazy. They wouldn't let me leave when it was face to face, not even over the phone or text. But eventually they got the hint that I didn't want to speak to them.

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  • Yes I did, and sometimes it's just the way it has to be. Some are not long term and are just lessons to be learned. Besides, the fact that she hasn't said I love you back to you after dating two years is a huge red flag. Her not spending but one night with you out of three weeks is too. Couples have separate lives of their own but if they absolutely can not fit each other in more often than that, it's time to go.

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  • If it were me, after making up my mind, I'd arrange a meeting as soon as possible to end the relationship and wish them the best moving forward. I'd make a clean break.

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  • Most of my breakups were in person. Unfortunately the ones through which I ended up being single were from their end, not from mine. Not that I didn't want them to happen.

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  • Punch wall

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  • i break up when things dont work it doesn't matter how much we try

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What Guys Said 12

  • Never dated before, never been in any relationships before. Just break up in person, make it clear it just didn't work out and it's just a waste of time and effort to try to make it work again and that you wish her best of luck and that now would be best for the two of you to move on and start over again.

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  • I've been the one to break up in all my 5 relationships, and I did it in person, but some were more brief and unemotional than others.
    I've never been dumped in a relationship, but I have been told to stop talking or seeing each other during the stages before being in a relationship, and at first it sucks, but I tend to think about it a lot, beat me up about it, which sucks even more... BUT, the good thing about that is that it makes me move on pretty fast. In less than a week I've already moved on.

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  • that REALLY sucks man

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    • Yes, I have invested 2 years in her and she doesn't want to include me in her plans tonight and tomorrow night, last Friday night, Easter weekend, etc. On Wednesday, she said maybe we could get together Friday night and she would let me know when she talked to her son (who was supposed to be coming to town this weekend,) but she never called or texted me. I guess she just forgot about me.

    • I'm sorry to hear that

  • A lot of hoopla. I would tell them to fuck off. :)

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  • I did it in person. She asked why, I told her that our relationship was becoming toxic. I think it went pretty well.

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  • Let the woman think she's breaking up with me. I've had a few bunnyboilers that couldn't get the message

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  • Quick, let them know why/discuss and then walk away, don't linger and take time away for a while before trying to save the friendship if that is your concern. Saving the friendship is usually hard and will take time.

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    • I have no interest in preserving a friendship. In my experience, that only prolongs the process of letting go. If I am just her friend, I will eventually hear about the new guy who she is dating and I don't need to be tormented with that knowledge.

    • Then best to just be quick and not prolong the inevitable and cut her free. it's not fair to either of you to stay in the rut that you have no interest in anymore.

      Best of Luck...

  • Face to face breakup is the best. But if you feel like she may explode and cause drama i wouldn't mind a phone call or text. I have done that before

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  • My break ups sucked epically. The only time I say it sort of not suck, he told her "it's not gonna work out" any time she asked or tried to say anything, he just repeated "it's not gonna work out" after a few weeks, she stopped trying.

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  • OlderAndWiser-You and I are friends. I'm so sorry this is happening. Call
    me if you need to.

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  • Get out more and put myself around more people or distractions

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  • I never had a relationship, I don't know what's breakup

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