but whenever I see him I start thinking about him and stalking his Facebook and wondering if our break up really was worth it. I know it's just because I feel lonely without him.. because I was definitely not happy in our relationship near the end of it.
i just get upset when I see him with other people, boy or girl, because it shows how well he's doing without me. and how he probably barely thinks of me anymore.
I might just want more closure but maybe that's an excuse. I keep thinking about what would happen if we just sat down and talked just to catch up with each other and see if he acts like an asshole and like he doesn't care about me, or if he acts mature and tries to be polite. I know I hurt him but i would still love to be friends. . but I think it would just end up hurting me in the end because when we broke up I, admittedly, begged him (never doing that again) to still be friends and he said he guessed we could. like it didn't matter. then we never acted on it and he avoided looking at me in the hallways. it would have hurt less for him to say it was a bad idea. who knows? maybe he wanted it to hurt.
I don't know. I don't want to feel this way anymore. most days I'm fine but then on days where I pass by him and see him I end up thinking about him and conversations we'd have or arguments or just laughs we'd have and then I feel bad because he has so many people to rely on and I don't, and he's probably not thinking about me but here I am, lonely just when I see him and stiffening when someone mentions his name. do you have any advice? xxx