It's been 5+ months, but it still hurts deep. What does it mean?

My ex broke up with me around Christmas time. We were long distance for 3 years. I have drowned myself in work, became vice president of my school's International Students club, hang out with friends, entered a Japanese speech contest and got 3rd place I failed a speech that I was forced to give to the entire school, when I was in 5th grade. Last minute and unprepared I embarrassed myself, the laughter and shame shackled me my confidence ever since. This was such a big deal for me, yet I feel so empty inside. Everyday gets worse, I look at other girls and it just doesn't feel right. I have heard it all before about moving on, just work on yourself, go date other girls.

If I can't let go because my very being won't let me, what does it mean that I overcame my fears, gained new skills and got a better job that it does not feel meaningful?

It feels like my heart is being crushed. My body just feel so heavy every day. it just gets worse.
It's been 5+ months, but it still hurts deep. What does it mean?
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