I found a suicide note written by my partner whom I'm breaking up with?

I recently told my partner I wanted to end our relationship, he asked if I would consider couples therapy first. We have been together a long time so I agreed to go. The other day I went to log into my email and his was still signed in, I found a draft and it was a suicide note. Saying that if the couples therapy doesn't work he is going to kill himself. He has a plan to buy a gun and a place where he will do it. He has people whom will receive the note and it even says goodbye at the end.
It was very upsetting because we have children together and he has so much to live for besides me. It makes me angry that he would do that to his kids. I talked to him about it, told him that I will always care about him even if we don't end up together and that the kids need him in their lives. I talked to him about how I could just as easily die and he needs to be able to be alone.
He said it was just a spur of the moment thing and he isn't going to actually do anything. But I'm still concerned. He hates therapy and feels it's pointless because he had a bad experience with them as a child. His sister asked me to go to couples therapy just so I can get him to go to a therapist even if I don't plan on staying. The only issue is the next available appointment isn't until July and I feel so trapped. Like I finally got the courage to say how I feel so that we can move foward but I can't move foward. It's frustrating but I'm too afraid to leave because I don't want him to hurt himself. But now I can't stop thinking about his mental stability. I'm not sure what to do.


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What Guys Said 3

  • You obviously know him far better than we do. Is he manipulative? I mean if he's a narcissist, he may have arranged for you to see the email.

    If not, then you are in a bit of a moral dilemma. It sounds like you are really determined to leave and that your mind is already made up. Therapy in that case obviously isn't going to save your relationship. At the same time, you cannot stay with someone purely to prevent them from committing suicide.

    May I ask what the underlying cause of your dissatisfaction is?

    • I no longer feel attracted to him and I don't have any romantic feelings. Whenever we hang out, it will be fine but it feels purely friendly. And it feels gross when he tries to kiss me and such. He used to be verbally abusive, we ended up trying a three way with another man because he was bored. Being with another man who actually treated me like a person made me realize how low my confidence had become. I lost a lot of respect and built some resentments. I ended up cheating on him which was wrong. We both made amends and agreed to better ourselves. We are doing great. He treats me better and I am more respectful. But the romance is completely gone for me. I lost so much of what I used to feel for him through all of what we went through, I honestly can't imagine myself with him anymore. Everything he does bugs me. His tone of voice, his humor, things I used to love. He is trying so hard and I feel like he needs to invest it into someone who actually feels something.

    • He has been manipulative before but I don't know if he would know that I would check my email and see his instead. I usually use yahoo and it was his gmail so it seems like a stretch but I wouldn't say it's impossible.

    • If he meant for you to see it, he'd have opened a Yahoo account or something, so I'd assume that it's real. I'm sorry that this has happened to you, and to some degree to him, but apparently his lack of respect is what destroyed your relationship, and that's on him.

      Suicide threats should be taken seriously, but at the same. time, you can't let them control you. My suggestion would be, as your friends have recommended, that you engage in therapy, but bring up this suicide threat early on, and separately discuss an exit strategy with the therapist. The therapist may be resistant to discussing issues without your bf's participation, so you need to make it clear that your desire to talk is related to a life and death issue.

      Good luck!

  • Please get him some help. He's a good guy, and I know what it's like to be in that much horrible pain.

  • 3 way will help


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