Will not contacting him make him want me back?

Long story short. I was in a relationship with a guy for about 6 years. we broke up about 7 months ago and have kept regular contact. we hang out and talk all the time.he is even planning on coming to the beach with my fam for a few days.

i am ready to start our relationship again and not having commitment from him is starting to get difficult. whenever we bring it up he just says that he isn't ready to jump back into a relationship.i kind of feel like he's taking me for granted...trying to have his cake and eat it to. we act like boyfriend girlfriend in every way except the commitment. I know he isn't seeing anyone else and he says I'm the one he wants to be with...

i think part of the reason that he isn't ready is because after the break up we actually started getting along better we realized our feelings for each other were strong and we treated each other so much better than we did before the break up.i think he is enjoying the attention I am showering him with and is afraid that if we get back together it will return to the way it was before the break up.i know it won't because I have changed completely.

if I back off on contacting him as often do you think this will open his eyes to how much he truly wants to be with me? I want him to see that he can't have me 100% if he's not willing to give back 100%? please help and give any advice.


0|0
123

Most Helpful Girl

  • hi! I actually went through a similar situation. I was in a relationship with this guy, he broke up with me because he felt that it was getting too serious and then a few months later, he asks me if it would be alright if we could start seeing each other again...but without the commitment. And of course, I totally say yes because I was in love with him and hoped that maybe he just needed a little time. 2 years passes by and we were still in this weird relationship were we acted like we were a couple, but the commitment just wasn't there. Also, like your situation, I also knew that he wasn't seeing other people...

    so here's my take on it...After going through all that...i can honestly say that I felt pretty worthless because I knew that I was giving more than what he was giving back to me. A lot of times I felt like I was being taken for granted. And it made me feel insecure, unhappy, unloved. it just wasn't normal. And I came to realize that I deserve someone who's going to be there for me and not be scared to commit to me. Now I know that sometimes the only way to get your point across is if you get up and just leave...to show him that you know your worth and are not afraid to leave him. YOu might get the response you want (which is for him to realize what he's got is worth keeping)...OR he might not even have a response to it at all. He might be indifferent, he might not even miss you. And as painful as it sounds...you're going to have to face the reality of what's really going on between you two.If you are looking for something serious but he really doesn't have any plans to stick around, then there's really no point in hurting yourself further. The truth hurts but it will definitely set you free in the end. That's just my opinion. But whatever you decide, I wish you the best of luck. :)

    4|1
    0|0
    • As weird and confusing as a limbo relationship may be to the one who is in love, your boyfriend prob still loved you, was afraid of commitment, wanted you guys to work, but say a step back as the only option. If you had actually broke up for a time I believe that would have been your best chance of showing mutual respect, and the only chance of a reconciliation. 2 years is crazy though why did you never tell him what you wanted this whole time, he wasn't taking you for granted it was comfortable.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • I don't understand why you two can't manage to move on.

    Go out in the world, be active with your life, and run into someone new.

    Meeting new people works, ya know. And you'll get over him faster.

    And what kind of dumb sh*t is this ... he wants to be together, just no commitment? What the f*ck do you call that? Oh I see ... friends with benefits.

    If it's been 7 months and he still can't get over you, he sucks with controlling his emotions. Desperation is calling.

    0|0
    2|0
    • well said Phoenix52...he is giving you a great advice and it really works. Maybe you will not be able to get over him as faster as you want but at least is a good start. Good luck

  • guys have no idea what they got till its gone...if you stop contact with him completely it will make him see what he's missing...another thing is you should go out on a harmless date with a close friend...if he ever ask "hey what ru doing this weekend" just say "i have a date planned...u?" then don't talk to him for a few days and see what his reaction is...if he really cares he'll be scared he gonna lose you to another guy and wanna work things out...if he acts like he dosnt care and pushes back...then atleats you know he's just blowin smoke up your butt so he can have his cake and eat it to, ya know? hope this helps and gook luck!

    2|0
    0|0
  • he's afraid of the pressure of labels...or he is just a cheating lying S.O.B who wants to have a back up plan to fall back on WHEN he finds someone else...(ive done both, you just gotta figure which it is...but only time can tell) heartbreak's on the line here...i wish you the best of luck.

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 11

  • Get rid of him. Seriously it sounds like friends with benefits and you don't need that.

    If you are with someone for that amount of time and they can't commit to you. They never will.

    Sorry to say it like that. Backing off won't do a thing. It might make him chase you for a while but once he has caught you he will back right off again. ANd that will only screw with your head even more. You don't need that.

    Do yourself good. Get away from him.

    Hold your head high and find someone who wants to be with you.

    " If you spend too long holding onto the one who treats you like an option

    You'll miss out on finding the one who treats you like a priority"

    I know its hard. I've been there. But he won't change. Playing hard to get won't change. You need to think about yourself. This situation is doing your head in I assume? Get away. It won't be easy. Butyou have to do it. And one day will come and you won't think about him. Youwill be happy you got away while you can because you found someone who treated you like a priority,

    0|0
    1|0
  • AUHH !

    Okay, I can see where you'd think that not contacting him will make him want you more, but I don't necessarily think that that's the way you should approach the problem.

    I would just set him straight, and ask him how he expects you to give 100% if you can't get the same 100% from him. (This is a rhetorical question btw, and you'll probably have him stumped for a while)

    But if you absolutely feel the need to do the no-contacting thing, just play it like this:

    - let HIM come to YOU

    - when he texts you, hit him with the 1-word responses

    - make HIM talk the most

    - make HIM ask what's wrong

    You hold all the cards, and if he truly loves you the way you know he does deep down, then he'll come around.

    I hope I've helped

    ( :

    2|0
    0|0
  • it's hard. but backing off will help. I have had personal experiences with this. the ex I wanted to get back with, it was bad to shower him with love/ attention, just made him take me for granted more. not saying it always is this way, just saying space does help.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I would back off a bit, but DEF. don't tell him you are doing it on purpose. You know, don't tell him what you are doing or who you are going out with. Don't LET him have his cake and eat it. Let him guess about what you are doing, and where you are at. He doesn't get to know everything about you if he can't commit. I think the idea of you hanging out with other guys may kick start him. But do it delicately, you don't want him to know you've devised this master plan.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Stop calling him.. It's a win win for you. Either he will not call, thus giving up on his game and you will know he was a waste of time, or he will man up and take you back.

    0|0
    0|1
  • i think you should be straightforward and tell him exactly this, what you think. Assure him that if he likes things how they are now, they will be the same, you just want to know that he's ur man. Let him know that you want that commitment and if he can't give it to you I def agree you should withdraw. if he really wants to be with u, he'll come around, no doubt.

    0|0
    0|0
  • out of sight out of mind. cut him off ! my ex of five years tried to do that with me..but I ended it.now he's rebounding like crazy and all I see is weakness.let him go,do your thing,KEEP busy and let him feel ALONE.

    0|0
    0|0
  • if you back off don't back off to long. I did this before., and it didn't work very well.! but stay away for a little while. until he contacts you would be most useful. but don't wait for him start dating again.. just keep in mind that he is there..

    0|0
    0|0
  • YEP! Make him chase you! Hard to get, never fails ;)

    0|0
    0|0
  • you should stop contacting him becuase guys notice what they really want when its gone.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Wow, that is the best deal for him I have ever seen. He has the person he loves, but can do what he wants at the same time. This is probably the dumbest thing you can do. He knows he can walk all over you and you will except it too, because to be quite frank the ball is in his court. Stop putting in so much effort and make him fight for you! Go out and have fun and make him miss you! Tell him that you will not put yourself in a position like this.

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...