Why is cheating considered so terrible?

if the cheated-on person never ever found out, what's so awful about it? there's the whole concept of loyalty, but why does that word have such a strict meaning? you can still be utterly loyal to and in love with someone, technically speaking, while satisfying yourself though other means.

I'm not talking about a full-fledged affair where you truly love someone other than your wife/husband/bf/gf. that's a completely different animal. I'm talking about a one-night stand with a hot stranger, or a FWB thing to satisfy yourself the way your partner can't, or someone who you meet up with while traveling (think vera farmiga's deal with George Clooney in "up in the air"), etc. and, again, hypothetically the cheated-on person would never find out (which I guess you could argue is never a certainty).

i ask this out of honest curiosity and confusion, not to find some way to justify myself. I have never and will never (haha, hopefully) cheat during any relationship, so please don't attack me for that.

and please don't give me anything about it being sinful. I'm not at all religious anyway, and those arguments mean next to nothing to me.

Updates:
just to clarify, I myself look down on cheating and wouldn't tolerate it in a bf/husband. I'm just curious as to why it's such a sin. is it just cause society has trained us to think that way? if it's truly so terrible, how do polygamous societies thrive?

0|0
83

Most Helpful Guy

  • Primarily, because it's a breach of an unwritten contract between the people involved.

    In an open relationship, both people give each other the privilege to be with others, etc. In a closed relationship, when cheating occurs, it's breaking the contract that you two will stay with each other and only each other. It shows that you are unable to hold up your end of the bargain, and that you cannot be trusted. Ask pretty much anyone, and they'll tell you that a relationship without trust is never a successful relationship.

    Another factor is the results of sleeping with someone else. If my girlfriend slept with someone else, then I would definitely want to know about it. I'd make her get an STD test, and I would require a paternity test on any children she had. This, of course, is assuming that I stayed with her in the first place (which I probably wouldn't, due to the trust issue). If I were to cheat on my girlfriend, then it's likely that I could impregnate some other girl and catch an STD myself. I wouldn't blame her at all if she wanted me to get an STD test.

    3|1
    0|0

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • That's good you will never cheat saying "never" is kind of early don't you think

    0|0
    0|0
    • I see your point, but I know who I am. hopefully I can stay true to that. :P

  • In theory this is good, the problem is when your partner gets a std and passes it on to you, you get pregnant and you don't know who the father is, then you have to decide to tell your partner if you aren't sure, or you test the dna and find out he isn't the dad, etc, 10% of the population dad isn't dad., you or your partner falls for the fling and you lose your partner, what do you want to say to jen, clearly you are team angelina, good for you, each to his own, woman is the new man...everything has a price, long term consequences etc...

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 8

  • Well, I do believe that you can be utterly loyal to and in love with someone, and still satisfy yourself through other means. That is why I'm in an open relationship. I don't believe in lying to my partner or hurting them by doing things behind their back. I am completely honest with my partner about who I play with and when I play with them, and he is the same way with me.

    1|0
    0|0
  • I do see your point, I've wondered about that myself. But menox has a point in saying that if you feel you need to satisfy yourself with other means, that relationship is probably not right for you. When you are truly in love with someone, I think they should be more than enough for you.

    It's not just the dishonesty that hurts in that situation (and it does hurt a lot, you can't be sure that they would never find out or that you wouldn't feel guilty), it's also the fact that you're not fully happy and satisfied with them - the whole point of being in a committed relationship is to be with someone who satisfies you in every way. Otherwise, you may as well only have FWB-type relationships.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Just to clarify, when I said satisfy I meant sexually. but yeah, good answer.

  • Re: your update - Cheating and polygamy are two very different things.

    0|1
    0|0
  • In my prior relationships, the only circumstances that led to cheating were when someone was not fulfilling the other persons needs. Usually emotionally. Sometimes, the only guilt comes from a lack of guilt. However, I speak from experience, the pain that you cause the other person is far from worth a few moments of satisfying whatever pervasive fantasy is being acted upon.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I just read the question heading...wtf kind of question...

    1|0
    0|0
    • Thanks for your enlightening comment.

  • It is better to be told a hurtful truth than to be told a comforting lie.

    1|0
    0|0
    • But why? isn't that a bit selfish? if my boyfriend ever cheated on me (like a drunken one-time hook up sort of thing, not a long-lasting affair) I'd just rather not know. chances are it would only get in the way of our relationship. I'd be suspicious and insecure for a long time.

    • Show All
    • AND something like him cheating, SHOULD get in the way of a relationship. If you cheat in a relationship, you don't deserve it, and should confess, and allow the other person to take whatever action they want. If someones going to do something unfaithful, they shouldn't have misplaced trust.

    • But my question is WHY should it get in the way. if the circumstance is as I previously explained, that is. WHY is it considered unfaithful and awful?

  • are you playing devil's advocate?

    i wouldn't tolerate it. if I was married and my hubby cheated with a one nighter and I found out about it even if it was years after the fact he would have hell to pay if not a divorce. I take it that seriously. I feel any infidelity is wrong and inexcusable. when you're with someone and you are committed it means just that. committed. that means you don't lay down and have the most intimate act at all with another person at all. it's a breach of trust and could put you at risk for STDs/hiv/aids. seriously the std rate is on the rise in this country, if my man went outside of our relationship and put me at risk for catching something I would be so p*ssed off and wouldn't tolerate it.

    im sort of a spiteful person, there is no way that I could just get over being cheated on. I would have to break up with him because if I did stay the relationship would never be the same again and I'd want to get revenge on him..so its just better to end it

    0|0
    0|0
  • Let me just say this. When a person truely, and undoubtedly loves another, they would have no desire to be with anyone else. Their partner would satisfy all their needs, sexually, mentally, and emotionally. And it's not always the cheating part that hurts, it's the fact that the other person decieved, lied, saying they would be faithful, and didn't. Whether the opposite knows it or not, which, most of the time they do without being told, because in one way or another, that person has a connection to the other, and can feel a change in their partner. Cheating, pulls people apart, it doesn't bring them together.

    0|0
    0|0
Loading... ;