Want my wife back and 2 babies after cheating. How?



I cheated on my wife while working out of state. I had to get an out of state job because I got laid off and couldn't find anything else, so I had to take a contracting gig.

Anyway, before I left I was feeling very down. My wife wasn't talking to me as much. She would take 30/45 mins to answer texts or return a phone call at 10at night. I felt horrible. On the weekends she began showing little interest and I began feeling very insecure. I texted a girl for a week and exchanged two dirty photos and we ended up going out to dinner, a bar and messing around.

She found out by looking at my text logs and calling that girl and found out everything. I completely stopped talking to that girl immediately and have been apologizing perfusely to my wife and expressing how regretful I am. Sending flowers, etc. She is super controlled by her dad and he brought her to a lawyer the next day to file for divorce. He moved her out of our house and back in with them. She won't have any communication with me except about the children, and it's been a month.

We have a 1 and 3 year old and it's tearing me apart that this family is ruined. What can I do to fix this? I feel like me apologizing is just annoying her now. How should I act to get her to give me another chance and get my family back?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Not all marriages can survive an affair.
    Like myself your wife must have known that something was off to check your phone.
    I can tell you what it feels like.
    Like bomb is going off in your head.
    The hurt is incredible and for me the pain was greater than anything else I have ever experienced, even childbirth hurt less.
    Now at the time where she was showing little interest in you, this is when you should have turned to her.
    She would've been feeling lonely without you during the week.
    She needed affection and reassurance but instead you cheated on her.
    Now I found out before my husband had sex with the woman that he was texting but it's still classed as an affair, they were so explicit.
    For me I decided to stay put in the marriage and only time will tell if I made a good decision or a massive mistake.
    This is after having marriage counselling and a hell of a lot of work on my husbands behalf.
    We both know that our marriage will never be the same again.
    Only time will tell if your wife will forgive you. if she does then you need to prepare to answer any questions, have a open phone, quit your job to find something closer and work bloody hard to repair the damage that has been done.

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    • I am willing to do whatever it takes. I've ready started looking for a job back home, and hopefully will get one sooner rather than later.

      How would you have reacted to physical intimacy on your husband's part? Would you have still given it a shot?

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    • I'm not sure how best to proceed since she filed for divorce the following day, which was about 1 1/2 months ago. I just want her to give this a little time. I hate that her parents that she living with now are pushing her to end this quickly, especially with two babies involved.

    • Well it sounds pretty much over.
      Just take it as a lesson learned.
      Don't put ones penis into a vagina that does not belong to your spouse.
      Yep that's harsh but what did you expect from her?

Most Helpful Guy

  • Do you not see the kids at all? You should be able to get some time with them. However the fact is... you cheated and she wanted to divorce you. Cheating on a spouse is a HUGE deal. Besides apologizing and doing what you did there isn't anything you can do to win her back. My best advice is just be the best father you can be to your kids and focus on that. Maybe she might see how hard you are trying with them and give you another chance. I don't know what else to tell you.

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    • Thank you for the advice. I hope this is the case. It's a hard funk to get out of to be a stellar person right now though.

    • I understand but that's what you need to focus on doing. Whether you get back with her or not, your kids need to be your priority right now. Good Luck!

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What Girls Said 4

  • Was there a reason as to why your wife was taking so long to reply bck to you? She could of been with the kids or at work. When you have kids there are plenty of things that need to be done for the next day. Did you communicate this with her? And ask her why. Its easy for you to think about yourself, but what about her needs and wants. Infidelity is a deal broker and once broken... the trust is broken. It will be hard to win her back. Giver her some space and let her think things through. You did the begging and pleading which is good. But now give her some time to think. But I dont think this was the first time that she caught you cheating. I feel it was numerous time especially with the family jumping up and egging her on to get a divorce. It sounds like you cheated on her numerous times and she got fed up

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    • I recently found out she was taking a long time to reply because she was actually living at her parents and lying about it to me. She has a very bad dependency on her parents. She literally chose them over me in our relationship and admitted to it. That caused a lot of issues. I felt betrayed as a husband.

      I had never cheated on her before. I didn't consumate anything this last time either, just other activities. We weren't in a good place when I left though. We we're arguing a few times a week and she said she just had enough and this was the last straw. I know I screwed up badly. I know I don't have any right to ask her to stay, but I just can't give up. This had paralyzed me. I could never do something like this again. I let insecurities control my actions and really messed up, but never again. She's still not talking about anything except the kids. She says she's planning on living with her parents for a year or two, and I don't like that she's letting her parents raise the kids.

  • Would you do it again if the opportunity presented itself? Even if you say no, I'd have a hard time ever trusting you again if I was your wife. That's the ultimate betrayal.

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  • I think you need to give it some time for things to settle down a little bit. You're an idiot for doing what you done because there is NO excuse "I was feeling down" isn't a good enough excuse to go have a fling with someone else. If you loved your wife you wouldn't of cheated period. The truth is, even if you was to get back together it will never be the same again. She will have major trust issues and even may cheat on you just to feel better (but she won't feel better).

    There is only so much begging you can do until you fully accept the end. I think you should show her how sorry you are and not by buying her things it isn't going to make anything better.

    we are all humans and we make mistakes. If you know 100% that you are not going to do it again then your going to have to put up with whatever she tells you.

    Good luck

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    • You're right. I am an idiot. I have some insecurities and they messed with me too much. She's also very, very bad at communicating, and that certainly didn't help. She would never discuss our relationship issues. I do love her though. I don't think cheating indicates I don't love her. I think people cheat for lots of reasons. I was telling her for a long time I felt neglected and unwanted and she just didn't care to even talk about it. Not an excuse, but I was pretty hurt by it. I do love her.

    • Well think about this, let's say you both decide to give it another go... do you think it will be any better? People don't change within a few days. I think if she wants to be with you she needs to grow up and talk about things. Communication is soo important and once that is cut out then this is what you get, people cheating and so on. But as you said it still isn't a excuse but what's done is done.

      Just pull yourself together and don't get into a depression stage because you'll be miserable. See your kids because it is important that they have you in their life. But with regards to your wife , I hope it works out for you! Just give it your best shot and hope for the best. Be very honest about how you feel and don't hold back.

  • Shouldn't have cheated to begin with... I really feel sorry for you

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    • I know that. And I know what I'm capable of, and cheating again isn't something I'm capable of doing. A lot of people say one a cheater always a cheater, but not me. I've been completely paralyzed by this. I literally have changed overnight. Going from uncertainty‚Äč to knowing exactly what I want. Now that I know what I want its like I can't have it. I just want to know how to convince her about my certainty and change.

    • I'll show up at her house

What Guys Said 1

  • There's nothing you can do because it isn't about you, it isn't even about her dad, it's her, she was cheating on you long before you lost your job and started work out of town, have your job take money out your check for your kids support so you'll have a record of it when she puts you on child support, then move on with your dating life, let her go, you've been played long enough..

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