Long distance ex boyfriend has new long distance girlfriend, he dumped me 3 months back, can I get him back?

My ex boyfriend who I dated long distance for 1.5yr dumped me after I "changed" going to college. My values stayed the same (no parties, no drinking, etc) but I changed in that I had less free time. The time I did have I spent with friends. I realize now I hadn't been messaging him in the same happy/funny way.

I used to be funny all the time with him as I didn't have a lot of friends in hs. Coming to college I made more friends and thus spent less time on my phone. As a result my ex boyfriend got less attention and I appeared to him as changing into a different person

Long story short, he dumped me and I didn't understand why until I looked back at screenshots of our old texts. I miss them... With college I just was more distracted and in person conversations with my friends were valued more to me. I put my boyfriend on the back burner and somewhat ignored his issues because he was always negative and sad. I still cared about him it's just I was a little selfish and put my friends first.

I regret this now. I'm still the same funny person and I miss him. He's a really good guy. At one point I found messages of him texting other girls while we were dating. (Flirty, sexual, etc). I was hurt. But I didn't realize that my ex was just desperate for my attention.

He warned me many times how if I didn't value him more he would dump me. He admitted to bein controlling and so I put his comments like these to the side and kept living my life.

He broke up with me many times because of this and then the next day he would appologize for being crazy. I still feel at fault for the failure of the relationship and I want him.

We have been "broken up" for about 3 months but we still talked a little each day. I thought we had agreed to try and fix it while I kept my friend oriented lifestyle. I still wasn't as funny and talkative Bc I couldn't be on my phone all day and I was stressed out too

About 3 weeks ago he told me we shouldn't talk anymore Bc he was talking to someone new.

Advice?


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What Guys Said 2

  • You need to decide what your priorities are and then stick to them. This guy was very honest about what he thought and felt and you didn't care. It seems your consequences are that he has moved on. If we don't consider the consequences of our decisions/actions, we really don't like what we get. This is what is happening to you. If you thought about it, you may have made a better decision. Sorry.

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    • We we're not here going through some tough times in our individual lives... him more so. He was really annoyed with one friend of mine who liked me but I didn't like him... I wasn't concerned but my far off boyfriend obviously was. I told my friend no chance. And that was that.

      My boyfriend continued to have a bad luck streak and this friend of mine was a real stressor for him. I realize my mistake now... and I feel terrible.

      This isn't to say I wasn't there for my boyfriend. There was just a lot of tension because of all the shit going on. (Car accident... lost job... etc)

      Just when his life started clearing up and he got his dream job he got the new girl. I feel like he associates me with the dark time in his life which was really depressing for him which doesn't help me out any.

      Do you think I could have a shot with him in the future? I really love him, still. I apologized. I recognized my mistake. I learned. how would I go about getting him back?

      I feel he's replacing me with someOne new

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    • It's not human nature to be jealous. It's insecurity and lack of trust that causes it. Try what I said and if he refuses, you know it's over. If you don't try, you can't get him back. I think you should let him go. He started having issues when you found new friends and he wanted to consume your time. you are 19 and long distance relationships really don't work very often. You can't really get to know the person when you don't see them regularly. To truly love someone, you need to see all the good and bad in them to know who they really are. You need to see how they react to things, how they treat you on a regular basis. What are they like in good and bad times. Do they have your back and support you in different situations. There is so much you miss when not together. He seems to have to know where you are and who you are with. That's not a good thing and if he isn't satisfied with your response, he will question it.

    • You have a right to privacy in your life. He doesn't need to know everything you do, who you do it with and where. If he doesn't like your response, he will question you. He is not your keeper and you have a right to a life that doesn't just involve you. When he does this stuff, he is proving he doesn't trust you. There is no such thing as a good, healthy relationship if there is a lack of trust on either side. he sure didn't take long to get a new girl. i know that hurts, but you don't normally start up with a new person if the breakup upset you. Think about all this and if you want him, try what i said. Just decide how much control you want him to have.

  • move on, a long distance relationship will pile on the stress , I'd say just explore other options and respect his wishes

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    • We have been making a long distance relationship work the entire time. I actually think they are good for some reasons. He would be able to move where I go to school sometime in the near future. His new girl is long distance too so I can't see that as an excuse to date her.

      I just think generally he was bored of the relationship which was partially my fault. An de partially just the nature of the events going on in our individual lives. I honestly think it could work out if he weren't so obsessed with finding someone new instead of trying to make it work with someone who has been with him through thick and thin. Relationships aren't easily disposable.

      I get why he wants to move on. But I learned my lesson. I'm confused why he wouldn't give me a second shot when I gave him one when he was caught cheating (ish).

      Advice on how to get him back? /giving him space and trying in the future?

    • bringing up old interests and falling back in love again

What Girls Said 1

  • First of all he's not a very good person , he blatantly cheated on you. wanting attention is no excuse. why would you even want to be with someone like that? Then he broke up with you all the time when he didn't get his way. it doesn't sound like he valued you or your relationship at all. No, I dont think you should try and get him back. he's In a new relationship and has moved on , i suggest you do the same.

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    • I know no one deserves to be cheated on. But I honestly was pissing him off by not fully being a role in his life. I can't be too hard on myself... I'm a full time student with my life struggles too I know.

      When he was texting those other chicks I broke up with him. I was hurt... but I felt I wasn't as hurt as I would have been if it had occurred at the beginning of the relationship when I was more invested. That makes me feel really bad. After breaking up with him on the phone he denied it but I had my evidence. He then broke down crying asking for forgiveness.

      I love him very much. I feel like he wanted someone new and someone who seemed to have a better personality. Every new person you talk to has an exciting personality. But when life and the relationship settles in... the excitement fades.

      I am extroverted in person but through the phone I seem kinda blah not to mention I'm exhausted by the end of the day when we got to speak.

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    • He is a very good guy! I want to make it work. I have a specific type and he is it. I know there are many fish in the sea it's just I had very little to complain about when we were in a relationship together.

      I just think we needed to try something new.

      Do you think it's too late? I know he's talking to a new girl but do you think there is a chance he would want me back? He said no a million times but I think he's just trying to get me to move on so he can have guilt free fun with his new girl.

      Not really sure how the long distance again is gonna work out for him...

    • I think it is too late , remember , he's currently with someone else and has cut contact with you. He has someone else now , and he wants you to move on.

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