What do you do when you didn't get closure?

You feel as though you didn't get closure with someone?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • How does someone really get closure?

    I think forgiving yourself and the other person is closure. It's like a hard time in our childhood, when our parents never let us do what we wanted. We hated them for that. It gets emotionally draining after a while until you realize, it is what it is. We forgive our parents because we truley love them and so we accept it and move on. Relationships with lovers shouldn't be any different.

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    • Yeah I figure being happy for him I can be free from the hate.

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    • Lol let's hope not!..and yeah my mind sets has changed I use to be about revenge

      but that won't get me any where or change anything

    • Your smart, I like that ;)

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 11

  • I just accept it, if they break up with me something was obvously not right and they didn't care enough so I'm not going to dwell on it. Why do we need closure anyway, it's just like someone telling you exactly why they don't like you... I'd just feel emarassed and insulted being there unless it was remotely sincere. Even then I'd prefer to remain in the dark.

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    • Sometimes- well, for me. I do things I don 't mean to like ignoring someone or seeming like I don't care...in those situations I like to clarify because I hate someone thinking I hated them, when I don't.

      or they misinterpreted something that s just something I would not do, in which case I have to clarify, because it is not me, I do not want to be associated with behavior other than that which I consciously choose...even if its just the check out person- I hate misrepresentation lol

    • Best answer.

  • nothing just move on, don't let it bother u. if they ever cared they would contact you later

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    • I agree, I just broke up with my boyfriend - I told him that I was tired of the accusations and he simply said lets be friends with no explanation. Although I wasn't ready to end it, I have reconciled it by telling myself that if he really cared then he would have explained himself to me or at least called to check up on me. I say you focus your time elsewhere and don't let it get the best of you. Someone better will come along and that will be closure enough.

    • Nothing just move on, don't let it bother u. if they ever cared they would contact you later-

      but what if you are the one that is not getting in touch with them....sounds more like a game of chicken, then moving on....

    • Im assuming he's the on that's not contacting her because she has the problem

  • Turning pain and anguish into something productive.. I believe anyone can put it to a positive end (with great effort). Use the restless sense of loss as motivation to plunge into new adventures, explore personal boundaries and grow as a person.

    So basically, live without closure, but live well.

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  • There is no closure. You can move on, or not, but the relationship is what it is.

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    • What if you feel like you were a jerk& you want to clarify some things..i hate feeling misunderstood..closure is not to fix things- not keep it going but to clear things up- well for me anyways..

      Peole spend so much time explaining themselves then...i've had guys do that I've done it.................everybody who's anybody DOES it ^ ^

    • I was going to answer this question until I saw your response. I couldn't have said it better myself.

      P.S. - Humans Suck

    • @Tolouse: If I'm a jerk and I'm honest with myself, then I know that my partner doesn't want my clarification--they want me away. I also know that my clarification would mostly be excuse-making anyway. (Is there ever a good reason to be an *sshole? Not really.)

      And I also know that this need for clarification is *my* need that I'm *imposing* on my partner; my partner could life quite well with out it. In other words, it's the sort of selfish, *sshole behavior that got me in trouble in the first place

      No, if I'm a jerk I clarify myself by *changing*, by not hurting my partner anymore. Otherwise, I'm full of sh*t.

  • Turn a negative into a positive and move on, that's what I would do.

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  • Is that you again, flower?

    Anyway, there are various ways to get closure. It depends completely on the situation.

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    • No lol, you know I believe in closure... I do not understand why everyone is looking at it like a death sentence.

      if you want closure-get closure....Closure, is possible up until the point of death or vegetation....even then there are ways -other than grin & bare it , until happily you get amnesia & block out a portion of your life

      just say:

      " look buddy this is what I want to say " " -you have anything you want to say ? -Ok. Resolved. Good bye!"

      -Whats the all the drama about?

  • Is there really any closure I broke up with my ex nearly a year ago. The best thing to do is just live on and try not to dwell on the past.

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  • flirt with someone else so you stop thinking about them : )

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  • If you feel the relationship is unresolved or you didn't say something that you wanted or wanted to ask not a lot you can do, accept it and move on if you can't go back and vent, its not healthy maybe move on new relationships it gets easier with time and keep busy...

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  • Call them and give it a shot. What's the worst that could happen. If you want to explain something explain it. If it will make you feel better do it. If you think you might want to then do it. I don't think its ever to late to make amends.

    There have been a few times I wish I could have said one more thing, not that I thought I could change things. Just to make myself feel better, more human. And There have been a few times I wish they had talked to me, told me what the real deal was. So do what you want, I would.

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  • Move on, I've tried making amends, I've tried seeking a "real" sense of closure, all it does is cause more pain, it's better just living on with that feeling, it fades a bit , but never gfoes completely away, you best bet is just trying to move forward and try to forget about it, don't try to feel angry toward that person or what happened, because that doesn't help either.

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What Girls Said 10

  • You move on and try to forget them. I often find that the need people have for 'closure' is just an excuse to contact the person who broke up with them and try to make them feel as if they owe them something. Surely someone breaking up with you is closure enough?

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    • She did not say someone broke p with her......she just said they broke up.

      & feeling like you owe someone something is a technique people use to try to contact the person, true.....BUT sometimes people really just do want closure, they want to clarify themselves or apologize or just have an understanding.

      -not everyone is out to get someone, even if they don't want to date them anymore :)

    • Firstly, I thought the question asker wanted to know people's thoughts in general and not because she has gotten dumped thus I was speaking GENERALLY, so please don't assume I was talking about her.

      Secondly, I understand the need for clarification absolutely, but when the other person isn't willing to give it then there's not much else you can do. Needing closure and telling yourself you need it before you can move on can be self-destructive.

  • If I need to express myself and say things I didn't get to say then I write a letter. I write down everything I want to say, that I feel and hold nothing back. The purpose of the letter is me empowering myself to say what I needed to and getting if off my chest. I put it in a sealed envelope and then I burn it. I make myself watch it burn completely and I vow to move forward. Somehow seeing the flames, crumbling of the paper, black smoke and ashes brings me solace.

    I don't bother physically mailing the letter because in my experience it won't change anything. In addition, the person in question could care less about hearing from me muchless reading my emotional rant.

    Thereafter, I do my best to move forward, not look back, learn from the experience and not repeat the same mistakes or patterns.

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  • more often than not, you won't be so lucky to get closure, so don't waste your time/emotions pining for one (that was a mistake I once made).

    it helped me to rationalize about why the relationship ended. sounds flimsy, but it does help psychologically. remember the reasons why you two broke up, those are the reasons for you to move on.

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    • What does pining have to do with CLOSURE , closure means closing it up sealing it - the end.....why does everyone keep saying closure is a way to hold on to someone...you guys are weird.

    • Umm that's not what I said at all. I said pining for closure, not for the other person. besides the 2nd half of my answer is a suggestion for how to get closure and end it. please read carefully next time.

  • delete anything on my phone to do with it.

    remove anything from my room/car to do with it.

    talk to my best friend.

    and breathe.

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  • some talk, no rush, no distractions around by, so it will clear up our minds, and see what we have done to each other in the past. If lucky, we will agree to put all this to the past, and move on. Friends or not, as long as it eases our minds and feelings to peace.

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  • If I don't get closure, I just put my time and effort into something that takes my mind off it. Like I go out and run for miles upon miles... that always distracts me and it just helps me out in a way.

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  • It's hard to get over at first but once you think about it less and focus on other people, it's easy to move on.

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  • Think about what you would consider as closure. Write it down. Go outside in the woods and scream it out. Burn the paper. Watch it burn and as it goes say goodbye!

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  • i feel like if the right moment didn't come along for you to get your closure, then may be there was a reason and just better off that way...

    it took me 3 years to accept it and move along, to remind myself he doesn't want/need me when id fall weak thinking of him, otherwise if he did he knew where to find me. But the fact that he is out there enjoying life moving along and didn't look twice back at me, means he is not a worthy man whatsoever and doesn't deserve my love at all. That's closure to me. Life's way of protecting me.

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  • It depends on how things ended. I didn't get my closure until months after my ex and I broke up. We were still friends after the breakup, but I was still distant because of everything that happened. So one night we were hanging out, just the two of us, and we started reminiscing about how we first got together. And it gave me the opportunity to express how I felt about everything that had transpired between us.

    I think true closure is something you can achieve if you guys have maintained contact. But if there is no longer any communication you either have to find that serenity without him or break through that wall between the two of you to get everything in your heart out there in the open -- even if it's awkward and embarrassing. (For the record, I'm all for breaking the wall.)

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