Please help me😔 what should I do?

My boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me two months ago and cut me out of his life completely. The end of our relationship was a little rough as we started arguing really frequently and it got too much. We always were bestfriends for years before dating and in love so I didn't expect him to cut me out of his life completely. As soon as he broke up I started begging, the usual stuff as I was heartbroken. He would completely block me and ignore me but then we spoke a few times only because I contacted him first but he has been pretty cold and mean and doesn't care. I started to work on myself and becoming a better person, I changed myself and realised how immature/needy I was when I was with him and I grew a lot. Although he contacted me first one time when I got into a crash and for the first time we had a good civil conversation. But the last time we spoke he gave me an indication after months saying we could be in each other's lives in the future but not anytime soon bc I stress him out and I felt like it's not fair for me to have to suffer and wait when he's living his life so I sent him a text explaining all my feelings and told him it's soon or never and to stop playing games, it was a little mean on my behalf but I really love him and i stood up for myself and since then I didn't contact him for a month and I just initiated it and now I'm getting a hard time, I don't know how to respond or what to say.. please someone help
Please help meπŸ˜” what should I do?

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I was going to add that I wasn't ready, I never knew what it was like being in a relationship and you were my first everything, and I love you a lot and I didn't realise what I was doing wrong
Please help me😔 what should I do?
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