He's using condoms -just not with me. Is he cheating?

Been with this man for 3 years. We used condoms but stopped after 1 year. We do not live together, so about a month ago I was over at his place after 2 week holiday. He gives me a mild peck and is acting a bit erratic. He offers a massage and takes out some gel from the bedside drawer. I'm thinking "where did he get that?", so I say "let me do you", and take the bottle to see it's a lady stimulating gel he used to use on me. So afterwards, I put it back in his drawer and see he has a bunch of the condoms that I think we used to use all scattered. At this point I'm not sure what to think so I decide to count the condoms and then put in a ziplock bag push it to the back of the drawer. A few weeks later I am back at his place and he again is acting weird, so I take a peek at the drawer and the bag is wide open at the front of the drawer and there are condoms missing. I quietly took the bag, made an excuse to leave and now don't know how to confront him. He cheated on his ex-wife (the reason they are divorcing), and he is a person with a short attention span always getting bored, but I told him I wouldn't be tolerant to cheating and that he should just tell me if he wants to see others. Is he cheating and how should I confront him? It's been 4 days so not sure he's seen the condoms missing.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You knew he cheated on his ex-wife when they were married. Why did you think he wouldn't cheat on you?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • If you know he has cheated in the past and has not said he's made an effort to change-then yes, likely cheating. Why have condoms or buy them if you don't use them with the one girl you are only supposed to be having sex with. Similar thing happened to me. We stopped using condoms after a month though because I went on birth control right away. I thought he was only having sex with me. One day, I saw condoms on top of his dresser. I found it odd since we stopped using them months ago. Last month, after two years together I found out he has been cheating. Now I know why he had condoms. One time he told me that bjs don't feel the same with a condom doesn't feel anything. I asked whats the point then?

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What Guys Said 12

  • Yes he is cheating. Leave, don't go back. When he asks why you don't talk to him anymore just let him know that you don't tolerate being cheated on and now it ain't gonna work out. Any communication after that he makes should either be ignored or responded with "it ain't gonna work out."

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  • Well I think you have two options, if you feel like you know he is cheating, and it sounds like you do. You don't even have to ask, honestly closure is always something people search for and it's often eluded because it comes from within. I think option two would probably be to just ask. You don't have to tell him HOW you know. But if you feel like your relationship is good, it shouldn't be a thing for him to tell you no. If he acts squirrelly and lies or if he says yes, you can safely leave his ass behind.

    Lastly, it sounds like you already don't trust him. That's definitely not good either. Trust your instincts.

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  • once a cheater... you know the rest. sorry. I would confront him but that's my personality. something bothers you, say something. good luck

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    • I'm leaning towards what my gut tells me. He's cheating. I'd rather just kick him to the curb and say: "I was waiting for you to say something about the missing condoms but I guess you don't have the courage. If you have found others to substitute me then you should have just told me up front because forced love isn't something I need. All you had to say was you wanted to date other people. I would have been all for it. Hell, I feel guilty when I get hit on and here you have been using the condoms in your nightstand. I guess I should never have expected loyalty from you. Oh well, live and learn."

    • well put miss... you seem smart enough to do what's right. trust me, there are really good men. that's why I'm here. to try to reignite a beautiful thing. someone will be with you and love every second of it.

    • Tell him that exactly! Kick him out of your life for good. You deserve better. Good luck

  • Yes he is cheating... why else have that shit in the house?

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  • he's definitely cheating on you! I had an ex that did the very same thing, if you want to know without a doubt I can tell you how to catch him dead to rights!

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    • How?

    • this is how I caught my ex girlfriend, I took the condom packages and got an insulin syringe and I used it to inject each package with jalapeno pepper juice, and I put them back in her purse, and

    • WTF!!! Don't do that. If there is another woman, he may be lying to her about having a girlfriend. She could be completely innocent in this mess. Why should she be made to suffer? Not to mention, if you get caught, this is assault and you can be charged with a crime. Asker should just confront the boyfriend.

  • I'd say these are definite signs of cheating.

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  • if being married didn't stop him from cheating. i doubt he would stop for someone he is just seeing

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  • If he's using a condom it's not cheating because he's fucking a piece of rubber. Another girl might be helping be meh, semantics. If it's not bareback it doesn't count unless the rubber breaks. Other than that maybe he just threw the older ones away? Those do expire eventually. And if you go digging deep enough you will always find what you are looking for (I prefer just remaining ignorant and don't go digging or asking too many questions).

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  • Ask... But seems like he is busted.

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  • he's cheating

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  • well two things as i know some blokes use condoms to wank into but also he may be cheating aswell

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    • thats the thing guys use condoms to cum in sometimes
      so its a 50 to 50 chance

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    • Very plausible, I agree... Except he told me he used to masturbate in bed next to his sleeping ex-wife and then wipe off with a tissue. So not sure he's into using condoms for that. He's also very messy and there is always a pile of dirty clothes about so I doubt he cares about the mess. Plus, he doesn't really like the feel of condoms - or so he says, so not sure if the tight feel is his thing. But thanks for answering.

    • hmmmm very suss then confront him as its now leaning towards he's up to no good

  • Now cheat on him.

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What Girls Said 9

  • If you knew he is a cheater, you should have never got involved with him. If he can cheat on his wife, he will cheat on you.

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  • Wearing or not wearing a condom if he's fucking with another girl it's count as cheating

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  • look if he cheated on his ex wife than he will cheat on you. a cheater is a cheater and by reading this you just answer your own question.

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  • He just got busted no need to confront him just say goodbye to him. I can't be with someone like him. I would have called him out on the spot then told him we are done for good.

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  • Yeah, I didn't read

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  • He doesn't want to have baby

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  • i'm sorry to say this but yeah he's cheating on you

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  • um my guess would be most likely, as they said once a cheater always a cheater, sorry for the brutal honesty

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  • The fact that he may be having some sexual intercourse with other girl implies that he's cheating on you. Men like that doesn't deserve a good relationships

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