Please help- I'm so heartbroken, I really want to make amends. What should I do?

Okay so my boyfriend of years broke up with me months ago and cut me out of his life completely. The end of our relationship was a little rough as we started arguing really frequently and it got too much. However during the last year of our relationship, things went sour. I lied to him and broke his trust as I had old pics of guys on my phone from my past, I knew I messed up and did everything in my power to make it right, changed my phone number deleted my social media, I was hurt that I hurt someone I loved, and I did everything to make him happy then I discovered he cheated on me and then I forgave him as I felt like equal now, although I did not cheat on him. Anyways he made barely any effort after he cheated and then I caught him texting another girl, I forgave him again. Things were okay, but I started getting really insecure as he became distant so we started arguing more and more which led to our break up. We always were bestfriends for years before dating so I didn't expect him to cut me out of his life. As soon as he broke up I started begging, the usual stuff as I was heartbroken. He would completely block me and ignore me but then we spoke a few times only because I contacted him first but he has been pretty cold and mean and doesn't care. I started to work on myself and becoming a better person, I changed myself and realised how immature/needy I was when I was with him and I grew a lot. I gave him space and time, and decided to reconnect a few days ago as I didn't want to lose what was important to me and someone I cared about. I apologised to him and took full responsibility for my own part, at first he told me he understood but then just switched the next day and started abusing me and calling me vulgar names and that he will always perceive me in that way, He keeps holding onto the past, and blaming me. No matter how hard I try, he won't give me an opportunity to show I've changed. He resents me so badly, Why won't he let go?


0|0
25

Most Helpful Guy

  • It's best to let him go. I know you spent years together but you need to realize that it was not all your fault. Part of it was him as well. He seems like he already made up his mind and won't change it and that sucks but you need to take time and get a hobby or something to take up your time so you won't think of him as much...

    0|0
    0|0
    • He text me saying this ' I'm sorry getting your hopes up with what I said the other day. I still hate you and don't want anything to do with you. I'm blocking you I was doing good but I think about you too much now and that needs to stop ' I don't know what to do or what to say😞

    • Nothing much that you could say if he did block you...

      You need to spend time with some good friends and start doing something that you always wanted to do or thought of doing. Maybe learn how to dance or maybe become an usher at your local theater, just something to occupy your time.

      You need to realize that he treated you pretty poorly even if you blame yourself for the situation and that you deserve better treatment than that. Do something for yourself to make you a bit happier at least for. few moment, go outside and look at the stars, eat your favorite meal (ECT)

    • He hasn't blocked me yet so I wanna say one last thing, do you have any ideas?

Most Helpful Girl

  • just read what you wrote, do you think this relationship could last for 50 years? it won't. if you think your heart hurts now, trust me, it would hurt even more if you stayed on with him. i know it's hard for you now. that's how heartbreaks feels like. yes, he was your bestfriend. so was my ex. but truth is honey, people change. it'll take time, but you'll learn to accept that. you'll be doing yourself a favour by letting him go. he sounds extremely immature to be perfectly blunt with you.

    0|0
    0|0
    • See the issue for us is distance, otherwise none of this would have happened, right now I'm not looking to get back together with him. All I'm trying to do is be civil and have our friendship back. I know that it's not easy to get back into that but we were strong enough bestfriends for that to happen. I didn't want to be bitter, we are adults.. why can't we just be mature and be civil enough to say hey. I just don't understand and the other day we had a great conversation and it was just like we used to be and the next day he just turned on me and brought up the past again... how are we supposed to move forward if he won't let go, I forgave him, I made so much effort and did everything to convience him to give me another chance but he just refuses to accept it and perceives me as the old person I used to be and doesn't look at the good things about me, rather the bad mistakes I had once committed and it sucks

    • i've been where you have. i too was dying to keep the friendship. i too believed we could be mature and put our past relationship aside, and be friends. but can i be honest? you may not realize this now, but you will in the future. this is a way of you clinging onto the relationship.

      i was really just like you, and one day a group of my friends just sat me down and told me off. and guess what? i cried my heart out. and that made me think. if all i truly cared of was the friendship, why was i so affected? then i dug deeper, and be honest with myself. i simply didn't want to let him go. friendship was just an excuse.

      it's been 8 months, and i'm still trying to let go completely. i've been with him for 8 years, so you can imagine.

      i hope you'll be enlightened too the way i was. :)

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 4

  • it really sounds like you both need to separate from each other longer. peoplevdont stay that angry forever. but separating might Al sob bring toyboy new people. either was that seems far to stressful for someone to dive into again

    0|0
    0|0
    • how the hell did I make so many typos. sorry. i have a cracked screen.

    • Show All
    • it really seems like you both need to just take some time apart.

    • Yeah so what should I say?-I understand what you're trying to say however I made that clear from the start, I didn't expect you to welcome me with open arms and make me your girlfriend, just to be cool with each other. That was never my intention I know that these things take time, I know what I say to you has very little affect or value to your life, but those times you heard that was when I was the old me, I never fully understood or grew up UNTIL I had time apart from you and was able to reflect properly. Please understand that. I think you're misunderstanding me, I'm not asking you to make me your girlfriend, just to be friends. I won't interfere with your life. i just wanted a chance, when you're ready and with time

  • Maybe he doesn't love you anymore

    0|0
    0|0
    • Yeah I can tell he doesn't otherwise none of this would have happened but all I wanted to do was to be civil, and have our friendship back. I didn't want to be bitter, we are adults.. why can't we just be mature and be civil enough to say hey. I just don't understand

    • Give it time, You'll see the things will get better

    • I did, I gave him months and reconnected once I matured and changed, I also apologised for my behaviours. We didn't break up because of that issue, we broke up because we started arguing a lot. When I initially text him, he was hesistant about giving me another chance but I explained everything and we had a nice conversation just the way we used to be and the next day he just turned and brought up the past. The situation was dealt with last year, I was punished for it enough and i knew he couldn't forget but I thought he forgave me, and then all of a sudden he brought the situation up again and whenever he talks about it, he gets heated and resents me even more. I don't know why he still is holding on and won't let it go. I'm trying so hard to make amends with him and be civil, yet he just refuses to acknowledge that and is so cold. I really care about him and wanted to make it right, and took all the necessary steps and no matter what I do I'm not good enough

  • maybe he thinks he can't trust you or himself around you anymore, thats why he doesn't want any connection even if its civil one!!

    0|0
    0|0
    • But we continued to be in a relationship for a year after that situation and after I messed up, so I don't think that's the issue because then he cheated on me twice after during the year on separate occasions. So how is that fair? When I'm the one who is trying to make this work. The past is in the past and doesn't equal to the future, everyone makes mistakes, good people make bad mistakes but that doesn't mean we have to be punished for the rest of our lives. Why can he not let it go when he isn't perfect himself

    • Show All
    • He just text me saying this ' I'm sorry getting your hopes up with what I said the other day. I still hate you and don't want anything to do with you. I'm blocking you I was doing good but I think about you too much now and that needs to stop '

    • he is being selfish bcs he is saving himself from the pain!! pain is a complex thing , sometimes its comparative/relative while others it is unexplainable

  • trust is like a melted Hersheys bar. u can put it in the freezer but it will never be the same

    0|0
    0|0
    • But I forgave him and put my trust into him.. even though he made more mistakes than me, I was just as hurt, so why is he still holding it against me? So I never have a chance with him 😞

    • fuck him don't miss out on living if he's not he obviously don't care about u no more and can't just tell u that... he's got to be a dick to u instead. lifes to short to deal with that shit anyway go out meet new people have good time

    • He already did he told me he doesn't care and that im a liar and a hoe. When I initially text him, he was hesistant about giving me another chance but I explained everything and we had a nice conversation just the way we used to be and the next day he just turned and brought up the past. The situation was dealt with last year, I was punished for it enough and i knew he couldn't forget but I thought he forgave me, and then all of a sudden he brought the situation up again and whenever he talks about it, he gets heated and resents me even more. I don't know why he still is holding on and won't let it go. I'm trying so hard to make amends with him and be civil, yet he just refuses to acknowledge that and is so cold. I really care about him and wanted to make it right, and took all the necessary steps and no matter what but I'm still the bad one in his eyes

What Girls Said 1

  • a lot of girls who want their exes back here and in their stories there actually are chances that their exes may still be in love with them and they may come back but in your story I just think its not possible to make amends anymore because he really seems like either he needs some more time or that he has moved moved on. he won't let go of the past then you should just let him go.

    0|0
    0|0
    • It's not about getting back together, it's about our friendship. Life is too short to be bitter and to argue, we are adults so why can't we be mature enough to be civil.. especially when we were bestfriends for years and dated and have been through everything together. Why is he holding a grudge on me, when I forgave him for his mistakes

    • Show All
    • He replied saying this- what do I do now?
      I can't flip a switch like a light and be like hey! Let's just totally forget about everything and put everything under the rug like it never happened. It's really silly that you would propose such an idea. That we haven't talked in months and you think you can waltz in here just bc you look different and think you think differently that I'm just gonna welcome you with open arms. I've heard this im different so many times I've heard it more than when I say I'm gonna quit smoking so like godammit you make me so mad

    • he could've used a bit different way to say this but he has a point that he can't just change his mind. like I said we can't force men to change their minds tgey think what they want when they want. did you say something after this? how do guys feel after break ups and how do they handle it. specially when they are the ones who broke up with the girl and the girl wasn't at much fault and he breaks up with her just because of small problems that he can't handle. seems like he just isn't ready to let go of the past and forgive you. too bad for him. as its not the mature thing to do. just dont say anything after this. lets see if he texts you by himself again.

Loading... ;