I am so so so sad. I am not even sure why?

I am so upset because this guy is driving me crazy. I said I won't catch feelings for him. I did not want to. I thought it was going to be easy to not do so if I was aware that he was a player. I am not sure if I like him or his attention. I get sad when I don't get messages from him, but I also get upset when I get messages from him, because I get... nervous? Anxious? My parents are getting divorced. I failed a class. I am ''talking'' to a few guys but none of them (only the player) have asked me out. I feel so lost. I feel ugly. and worthless. My brother hates me. I don't really trust my friends anymore and I don't know why, they are very nice. I day dream about 1. Me having an accident and dying or 2. My whole entire family having an accident and dying. Now I'm not sure what is the thing bothering me the most. I feel unwanted by everyone. And also, I think the guy I went out with a few months ago is talking shit about me with our friends in common, because they no longer talk to me.
I am so so so sad. I am not even sure why?
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