My reason for asking this is because I was dumped for a first love, who treated the guy horribly (so he's told me). I know this is not the guy for me and that I should be thankful, but he was seeing her behind my back and admitted to trying to use me to get over her when he broke up with me (because he said I have the traits that he was looking for that she apparently lacked).
I'm no longer speaking to him rest assured nor am I angry at the ex (I'm pissed at him) however, now I'm paranoid about ex girlfriends and now every time I like a guy I'm afraid that he's either not over an ex or he's seeing me and someone else. My dream for as long as I can remember has been to settle down and marry but now that I'm thirty three years old I'm wondering if it's even possible. The ex is the same age as me so I know my age is not the culprit in this case.
I guess I want to know if it's even possible to get over this paranoia and learn to trust again and if I should give up on the dream of marriage?
Most Helpful Guy
Getting over a first love is no easier or harder than any other, except it is the first time you have to try. Sounds like this guy didn't try, and instead was just biding his time, and sadly, you got caught in the crossfire.
Unfortunately, people of both genders cheat. Also, often, ex girlfriends often don't want a guy back until he is with someone else. Even then, when this happens, often they will dump the guy as soon as the thrill of cheating is over. Usually the ex doesn't actually want the guy as much as they don't want anyone else to have him.
The best defense against this, sadly, is actually finding out about their past. By the time a guy is in his 30's, if he us prone to cheating, he has probably done it quite a few times before. If he hasn't yet, he probably isn't going to just start out of nowhere.
The exceptions of course being a guy in the middle of a rebound, or in the middle of "finding himself" (read as Midlife Crisis). Those are random situations.