Guys, is it true that you never get over the first girl you really love?

No matter how horrible she may have been to you?

My reason for asking this is because I was dumped for a first love, who treated the guy horribly (so he's told me). I know this is not the guy for me and that I should be thankful, but he was seeing her behind my back and admitted to trying to use me to get over her when he broke up with me (because he said I have the traits that he was looking for that she apparently lacked).

I'm no longer speaking to him rest assured nor am I angry at the ex (I'm pissed at him) however, now I'm paranoid about ex girlfriends and now every time I like a guy I'm afraid that he's either not over an ex or he's seeing me and someone else. My dream for as long as I can remember has been to settle down and marry but now that I'm thirty three years old I'm wondering if it's even possible. The ex is the same age as me so I know my age is not the culprit in this case.

I guess I want to know if it's even possible to get over this paranoia and learn to trust again and if I should give up on the dream of marriage?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Getting over a first love is no easier or harder than any other, except it is the first time you have to try. Sounds like this guy didn't try, and instead was just biding his time, and sadly, you got caught in the crossfire.

    Unfortunately, people of both genders cheat. Also, often, ex girlfriends often don't want a guy back until he is with someone else. Even then, when this happens, often they will dump the guy as soon as the thrill of cheating is over. Usually the ex doesn't actually want the guy as much as they don't want anyone else to have him.

    The best defense against this, sadly, is actually finding out about their past. By the time a guy is in his 30's, if he us prone to cheating, he has probably done it quite a few times before. If he hasn't yet, he probably isn't going to just start out of nowhere.

    The exceptions of course being a guy in the middle of a rebound, or in the middle of "finding himself" (read as Midlife Crisis). Those are random situations.

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What Guys Said 8

  • Not completely true but not completely bullshit. You never truly get over ANY person you loved, you just get used to the idea.

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  • It took me years to do that

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  • The girl i shouldve married and wouldve seen out my life with I lost when I was 18. We were in love absolutely before we even kissed or touched each other. Now I ain't a sensitive type and I don't go for soft stuff but that girl owned me completely and I her. We used to stare at each other over the table and our friends used to always joke about it. Like get a room you two. Take her out she's nuts for you. We eventually did and it was the best time of my life. I worshipped her. We just clicked on every level. She was still living with her dad and he took her away down south and she had to go because she was very obedient to him. Never seen her again. Still think about her all the time even today. There wasn't even the internet or mobile phones back then. You kept in contact by letter but I was on the move all the time so the only way you could see me is if I turned up at your door. I've been with plenty of women since but once a girl gets into the centre of your heart she never leaves. You just gotta make the most of what your left with I'm afraid

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  • total lie...

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  • No it isn't

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  • not at all true.

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  • no, i got over her very quickly as i realized how manipulative she really was.

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  • had my first real love since i'm 13\14 for a girl. i felt for her (knew her already way longer than that), never got her as girlfriend. had another girlfriend for over 4 years, in that time it was ok, but i was still looking for her.

    a lot of stuff happend in the mean time, now i'm 22 and would still leave everybody for that first crush. She is a goddess to me :/ and that hurts

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