My wife of 16 years had an affair with a coworker?

I caught them on date. We separated for over a year. During that year she said she wanted a divorce and that it was over. She continued to see HIM and I became depressed and suicidel. I met a woman at work and we quickly became friends. We had so much in common and did everything together. She wouldn't leave my side when I was suicidal but wife refused to talk to me. This woman that I met made me feel alive again. We have so much in common and such great chemistry. After about 15 months I had finally allowed myself to move on from my wife and get on with my life. The woman I met from work and I made plans to move in together when suddenly my wife had a change of heart. My wife and have 3 kids and I felt I owed it to my marriage and my children to go home. My wife insisted I quit my job because of HER so I did. It's been a year but and all I do is miss the woman from work. I'm not happy. My wife and I have never shared the same interests we married because we got pregnant. We are parents nothing more. Sure we share a laugh but we don't go out together, she doesn't like sports I love sports I mean we do nothing together. Most evening she's in the bedroom watching cooking shows and I'm in the living room doing my thing. I feel she thinks this is ok because her parents have the same type of marriage. Hell I've never seen her parents kiss or hold hands in the 20 years I've known them. I guess having met the women from work and feeling that chemistry and love I'm asking if it's selfish of me as parent to leave my children's mother to be happy with someone else?

Updates:
Why after all that's been said am I defensive of her?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I can say this from the perspective of myself: a kid who's parents stayed together only for the kids.
    I felt awful knowing my parents didn't want to be with one another. There was constant arguments and fights and life itself was unpleasant to the extreme.
    Your unhappiness will affect your kids. You will only teach them to stay in a situation what is unhealthy.
    Do not do this. You hurt yourself and everyone else around you when you make your own life miserable.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I would have taken the woman from work.

    I don't like the sound of your wife coming around again. It sounds like she and the other guy split, so she needed a familiar fallback (you). It sounds like if the divorce went through and she had to try to sustain herself she probably wouldn't have been able to do it on her own.

    It doesn't sound like she is putting 100% into you or the marriage, and it takes two to tango. She was already cheating on you, and was fully prepared to call it quits.

    Your call.

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    • That was my first thought when she had a change of heart so suddenly. It felt like she was dumped so she came home. It also felt like she was jealous as well. She also swore things would change. That she would be different but after about a year the marriage has gone back to feeling more like having a roommate. I guess I'm scared of change and I'm scared of making such a huge decision. I'm also afraid of what my girls will feel. It's weird but my oldest who is 16 now knows that her mom cheated but I felt she looked at me as the bad guy when she knew I'd found someone else. I'm very close to my girls and don't want that to change. People say it's wrong to stay in marriage because of children but I fear I'm being a bad parent if I put my needs and happiness before theirs.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 4

  • You can never go back after there has been cheating. It will never be the same. Always suspicion. Always bad memories.

    Walk away and start over. While you are young enough.

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  • i say this in the upmost respect towards your kids mom, but GO GET THAT GIRL THAT MAKES YOU HAPPY (thats if she takes u back). you are your wifes second choice now cause that other dude didn't work out. you acted on going back cause u thought u wanted that, now u tasted happiness and lovey dovey feelings... go after it, your kids deserve a happy father!

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  • I wouldn't have taken her back. Working things out for the kids never works... they see how unhappy their parents are, whether you think they do or not. You're entitled to happiness also. Besides, she's proven she can't be trusted. So my opinion is do what makes you happy.

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  • I think it is healthier to see parents make a choice to end a bad marriage. I was soooooooo glad when my parents split up. I am still glad.

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What Guys Said 16

  • Seriously divorce your wife, get back to your work and enjoy life with the girl. Since your kids are 16 at the oldest, they'll be fine and most likely the courts will allow them to chose on how they spend time with each parent. My cousins did that when they turned 14, the courts allowed them to have free reign over how they visited their parents. Plus you want to show your kids what a healthy marriage looks like, what real love is. This is not real love or marriage, and will give your kids doubts when they too start dating and want to settle down. Make yourself happy and good luck.

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  • she cheated on you, and left you for a year, you should have never taken her back however moral your decission was, but as everyone else has said, this is the hardest decission of your life and you need to be strong and leave and show your kids how to be strong and follow their dreams and to be happy. shame as teh other lady sounded really nice and hopefully she will understand if she hasn't already moved on.

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  • Get a lawyer, tell them your wife cheated, tell them your wife asked you to quit your job, reinstate the divorce over abandonment and infidelity and demand she pay you alimony.

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  • I personally would've divorced and gone out with the girl who shared chemistry.

    you can still do right by your kids and be with a partner whom you love, and loves you in return.

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  • Mate you gotta do what's right for you. Do you think the kids want to see their parents unhappy. You'll be making them unhappy just staying together. You can't will yourself to love somebody sometimes you just need to face the truth. As long as your in their lives that's all that matters. They'd rather you were happy and engaging with them than being at home miserable. I split with the mother of my kids coz we were making them miserable. We talked it out and I left. We're still friends for the kids sake coz thank God my ex was switched on and not petty and small minded. You go where your heart is even if it means living under a bridge

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  • First off, I hate divorce, I have never been married, but I have seen what happens with divorce. I have also been cheated on, so I can sympathize with you there. I personally would have given her the divorce back then. People have a need to be loved and a desire to be happy. Your wife is taking that from you, and though I would normally tell you reconciliation would be ideal, but here I can only say that your marriage sounds like it is still over. You can talk to your wife about therapy, and reconciliation if you want to try to have a relationship with your children's mother. But if you believe it won't help, find the woman from work. Find her and have a good long happy life.

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  • This is a hard one, a lot of things happened.
    Do you know a lot of women wilm want you back when they see another woman has come into your life or when they see there's another woman in the picture?
    Honestly I can't give you a right answer, but the situation doesn't feel right.

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  • I think you have the right to a divorce but I think it would be a selfish move... falling in love with someone is very easy seeing that love through isn't. I understand that your wife messed up and has work to do but you have some work to do to. you are going to have to tell yourself every good thing about her and how you can make her life better. Marriage isn't about being in love its about choosing to love and I think you are failing their. find your first love again man you can do it.

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  • Life is a cruel

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  • To be honest, i would have taken the co worker. You only felt alive with her and you did stuff together you both like. I bet you were really happy because of it. I know, what about the kids? My parents are also divorced but they didn't let me know, father said she's just going on holiday but my grandmother told me something else and now i don't see them that often. If i were you i would be honest with my kids.
    Just follow your heart 😉

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  • There are limits to loyalty. For me that marriage would have been over as soon as she cheated. I mean it's good that you're thinking of the kids and everything but you've put yourself in a very bad position. Would it really be so bad for the kids if you left? They must be nearly adult now.

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  • dump the wife and build a new one with the new lady. your wife is toxic to you and does not respect you. she feels like she's loosing control of you and that's why she is making demands on you not to enjoy your life.

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  • You know what´s selfish? Not teaching your kids that a marriage is not a burden.

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    • Never looked at it that way. Thank you

    • Life is to precious and time is to short. Do what makes you happy and if been with your wife isn´t helping, I suggest you to devorce and go get yourself that coworker. Just make sure your kids doesn´t feel you´re devorcing from them, let them know you´ll always be there.

  • Children are not a reason to be, get, or stay married. All you will be is unhappy with children. Best thing is to be honest with your kids, care and love them no matter what.

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  • You fked up. TWICE.

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  • Was she on TV show CHEATERS?

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