What are your thoughts on the lack of any relationship desires post divorce?

So, about 5 years ago I went through a rather nasty divorce with someone who I had been with for 6 years. Ever since then, I have had absolutely no desire for any sort of relationship with anyone. Previously, I had been a fiercely loyal person who wanted only to make my life with a special someone. Since then, however, the very thought of being with someone seriously has given me a similar feeling liken to that of going to the dentist.

Now don't get me wrong, I've had flings and such but it seems that after even a few times of spending time with someone, I lose any desire to even speak with them, nevermind anything else. Pure indifference would probably be the best description. My friends tell me I've simply not yet met the right person, but I don't have any interest in it whatsoever.

Its a concerning strange numbness towards everything, and yet very comforting at the same time. Now I know it's probably not normal, but I can't be the only one who is like this.

Feed back would be appreciated and thank you in advance for reading this rather long dissertation


Most Helpful Girl

  • I find this normal. I went through the same thing after my two significant relationships ended.

    I am not sure if your friends are correct that you have just not found the right person. I think it is more we have to be ready and open to finding the right person before we can find the right person again.

    Take the time you need. Only you know when you will be ready. And don't fear, you will know when you are ready.

    In the meantime, be honest with the people that you are seeing if you still wish to see others. Let them know that you do not want a relationship and just want ____ (fill in the blank).

    There is no right or wrong here. The only wrong is pushing yourselves to do something that you are not ready for and not being clear about your intentions.

    Sorry you got divorce and it was a bad one. :( Hang in there.

    • Thank you. Maybe I'm just letting my friends get to me too much. All of them are married, with kids, homeowners and all that. My best friend in particular can't fathom that I just don't really care to have anything like that right now. I keep hearing "thats not normal dude" but I'm pretty content with being by myself. Thank you for your input though :)

Most Helpful Guy

  • Seems normal to me. I'm married and we're doing well, but prior to meeting my wife, and after two rough and failed relationships, I too was like you. I had no interest in finding anybody new for a long term relationship because it all seemed like a big hassle and I was doing fine on my own, doing my thing, the way I damn well wanted to.

    My wife and I weren't seeking a relationship when we met, it just happened. As mentioned before, we are doing fine despite a few struggles over the years... BUT, if hypothetically something happened in our relationship that caused it to end, I would never marry again, nor would I actively seek out another relationship. If I gained interest in someone later on in life, I would go out of my way to end it.

    I will marry once and only once.

    My parents divorced when I was in my early 20's. It was pretty nasty but they "tolerate" each other now and can be in the same room when there are family things to go to. My dad remarried and while my mom is in another relationship that has been going for years now, both her and her boyfriend will never marry again. He's a very nice and friendly guy too, but I understand where they all come from.

    This probably all added to my way of thinking. The fact that two of my uncles also went through divorces and one was cheated on that I am aware of also adds to that.

    My parents also raised me to be self reliant / independent.

    I appreciate my solitude when I can have some and hypothetically, if my marriage failed, it would be very rough and difficult to go through... And because of that, I know I would never go through it again.

    I can see that if I was in your situation, I would probably feel the exact same way.

    So in my view, how you are is a perfectly normal response.

    The only potential problem would be whether it bothers you or if you are happy the way you are. Is this question brought about because you wonder what others may think of you, or because you feel bothered personally because it seems "Not Normal?"

    If you are content with how you live today then there is nothing more to worry about. It's your life.

    Regarding your friends saying you just haven't found the right one, ask yourself, do you need the right one to be happy, or do you need anyone to be happy in the first place? Be happy with yourself first and foremost. If you need someone to make yourself happy about your own life, you're doing it wrong.

    • I would also like to add that I have an aunt who never married, had two relationships in my lifetime and when the last one ended when I was in my late teens, she never sought out another relationship and yet was perfectly happy with her life, her home and the things she did and still does. Some people don't want kids and are happy to go all career. Some people are asexual and have zero interest in men or women.

      There is no such thing as "Normal"... Well in a sense it's all "Normal."

    • I would say content over comfortable, because comfortable seems to imply a feeling one way or another over it. Its a very strong lack of anything really. The only reason I started to think on it, and my mindset start to bother me is because I look around and I don't personally know a single person like myself. When one is alone and surrounded by contradictions, one starts to wonder if he's wrong. Its just weird man. It's like a switch inside me was flicked. The light was on, now its off. I don't care one way or another about the light, or whether or not it ever gets turned on again. Its all just... meh. You described it best, better than I could have. It just all seems like a hassle. That last paragraph in your first comment probably sums up my life's philosophy best

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What Girls Said 3

  • If you don't feel it, then you don't feel it. Not everyone has a desire to have a significant other in their life - but if this is something you previously wanted but now don't I'd be concerned it's due to some held on resentment or fear from your marriage and that you could be missing something.
    What we want from life changes over time - as long as your feelings on it are simply because you have no interest, not because you're scared it'll happen again then really I see no issue

    • No nothing like that. Its just indifference and a general meh feeling towards it. I would have to agree though, what I want out of life has certainly changed thats for certain. Thank you for the input :)

    • Then just be happy with what you want 😊 What others want for you isn't necessarily what YOU want and that's what matters when it's your life

  • I get your feelings totally. I'll never date again after mine is done with. This marriage has been extremely hard and has taken its toll on me. I might have a fling may be I doubt it but I'm not even remotely interested in another man. Just keep an open mind and go out with a few ladies. I hate double dates, though. So is there a silver lining to your story, I'm sure there is. But the woman will be special. Some meet and remarry and live happily ever after.

    • Yeah man, I hear that. It definitely takes a toll on you for sure. I can think of all sorts of tortures I'd rather be subjected to than go through that again lol good luck with yours too man. Stay strong!

  • I think this is very normal. You've had your fingers burned so why would you want to go back to something that made you miserable?


What Guys Said 1

  • I was bitterly divorced in 2000. I have had that numbness to relationships ever since. To this day, I have NO desire for another co-dependant circus. I think there's nothing wrong with that feeling, granted the circumstances, and the need to shield one's heart from certain breakage and people who take advantage of one's love.


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