So, about 5 years ago I went through a rather nasty divorce with someone who I had been with for 6 years. Ever since then, I have had absolutely no desire for any sort of relationship with anyone. Previously, I had been a fiercely loyal person who wanted only to make my life with a special someone. Since then, however, the very thought of being with someone seriously has given me a similar feeling liken to that of going to the dentist.
Now don't get me wrong, I've had flings and such but it seems that after even a few times of spending time with someone, I lose any desire to even speak with them, nevermind anything else. Pure indifference would probably be the best description. My friends tell me I've simply not yet met the right person, but I don't have any interest in it whatsoever.
Its a concerning strange numbness towards everything, and yet very comforting at the same time. Now I know it's probably not normal, but I can't be the only one who is like this.
Feed back would be appreciated and thank you in advance for reading this rather long dissertation
Most Helpful Girl
I find this normal. I went through the same thing after my two significant relationships ended.
I am not sure if your friends are correct that you have just not found the right person. I think it is more we have to be ready and open to finding the right person before we can find the right person again.
Take the time you need. Only you know when you will be ready. And don't fear, you will know when you are ready.
In the meantime, be honest with the people that you are seeing if you still wish to see others. Let them know that you do not want a relationship and just want ____ (fill in the blank).
There is no right or wrong here. The only wrong is pushing yourselves to do something that you are not ready for and not being clear about your intentions.
Sorry you got divorce and it was a bad one. :( Hang in there.1
Most Helpful Guy
Seems normal to me. I'm married and we're doing well, but prior to meeting my wife, and after two rough and failed relationships, I too was like you. I had no interest in finding anybody new for a long term relationship because it all seemed like a big hassle and I was doing fine on my own, doing my thing, the way I damn well wanted to.
My wife and I weren't seeking a relationship when we met, it just happened. As mentioned before, we are doing fine despite a few struggles over the years... BUT, if hypothetically something happened in our relationship that caused it to end, I would never marry again, nor would I actively seek out another relationship. If I gained interest in someone later on in life, I would go out of my way to end it.
I will marry once and only once.
My parents divorced when I was in my early 20's. It was pretty nasty but they "tolerate" each other now and can be in the same room when there are family things to go to. My dad remarried and while my mom is in another relationship that has been going for years now, both her and her boyfriend will never marry again. He's a very nice and friendly guy too, but I understand where they all come from.
This probably all added to my way of thinking. The fact that two of my uncles also went through divorces and one was cheated on that I am aware of also adds to that.
My parents also raised me to be self reliant / independent.
I appreciate my solitude when I can have some and hypothetically, if my marriage failed, it would be very rough and difficult to go through... And because of that, I know I would never go through it again.
I can see that if I was in your situation, I would probably feel the exact same way.
So in my view, how you are is a perfectly normal response.
The only potential problem would be whether it bothers you or if you are happy the way you are. Is this question brought about because you wonder what others may think of you, or because you feel bothered personally because it seems "Not Normal?"
If you are content with how you live today then there is nothing more to worry about. It's your life.
Regarding your friends saying you just haven't found the right one, ask yourself, do you need the right one to be happy, or do you need anyone to be happy in the first place? Be happy with yourself first and foremost. If you need someone to make yourself happy about your own life, you're doing it wrong.1