So I fell for a 'loner' a few months ago.
I gave him ample space and went at the pace I thought he was comfortable with.
It moved very fast for both us and stupidly we both went with it for 2 months.
He cancelled a weekend away we had booked the day before and let me down a week later to meet up as 'friends'.
Forward 3 months.. were in contact, He's apologised and been honest with me.
But I don't think he can give me the support and emotion I'd need from a partner (I've told him this and that if he wants something enough he'll get it.. no one can do the work for him) also that I can't fix the anxiety he has, he needs to do that for himself etc etc..
He replied with he wants to be a better person and he felt he was around me.. and that he wants me.
Do I run now before he let's me down again. I just don't know?
I've been really hurt in the past by exes and he's let me down already...
Can a loner change his ways and step up to the plate?
when I say loner I mean.. he's never had an adult relationship because he pushed people away, buries all of his worries, isn't close to anyone and doesn't do well with emotion or confronration. Lives the loner lifestyle.
I'm also worried that I'm his only option, because he finfmds it hard meeting new people.. im worried I'm his only option too.
Nobody wants to be 'that's all I have so why not' girl...
- Run for the hills.. He's done it once, he'll do it againVote A
- If he's not capable now of dealing with a relationship then he never will beVote B
- Give it time, Even though I'm opening up for it to continue like thatVote C
- Do nothing, He needs to prove his salt nowVote D
Most Helpful Guy
There's no telling. Everyone's different, and this guy is a bit of a challenge you know?
You might be the last girl he gets close to, or maybe the next one would be years down the road.. Who knows. But you shouldn't think about that, there's only one thing anyone really needs out of a relationship... Is he good for you? Would you be okay with marrying him one day? And are you good for him?
If you don't end up staying with him, at least try to help him overcome his emotional distance issues-- That's not a way to live... That's just a way to exist.1
- Show AllShow Less
Most Helpful Girl
I say that you did this to yourself. You know that he is the type to be to himself, why try to bring him out of his shell because of his looks, and mysterious personality. That's the real reason why you were with him. You feel for the mysterious ALURE of him. I'm sorry to say this, but this is not his fault. This is yours. You know that he is different. Things were moving for too fast. And it's best to end it. He needs to find somebody who is NATURALLY at his pace, and you just need to find somebody who can give you what you need.
"when I say loner I mean.. he's never had an adult relationship because he pushed people away, buries all of his worries, isn't close to anyone and doesn't do well with emotion or confronration. Lives the loner lifestyle."
I'm the exact same way 100%. But this is philophobia with him. You know he never had a relationship. Why push him? Take responsibility for this. He is not ready for that. He already feels like crap. Just let him go. You two are not compatible. In fact, this is why he stayed by himself. Because of this very same situation. And one of the main reasons why I'm celibate today. Stop pushing him.0