My ex wants to get back together but I dont. He won't let this go till we are back together again.

We dated for more than a year and the first time he cheated on me was about a month or so into our relationship. I still took him back regardless..maybe it was wrong of me but I did then. Earlier this year we broke up because he wasn't sure how he was feeling and I mean months after that we still hung out because we still loved each other. I went overseas in February and I told him that if he met someone t hat he tell me. Towards the last week of my trip I told him that I loved it there so much that I wanted to live there (it was a clear exaggeration) but he took it the wrong way and went and hooked up. Now I know you don't consider that cheating but he knew how we felt about each other. So I thought it would've meant something considering he promised he wouldn't do anything. Well when I got back he told me what happened and we haven't gone back together since. However, since he has told me what had happened he has been wanting to get back together but I don't. He's been trying to convince me everyday since the day he's told me. But it hurts too much now and I don't deserve this kind of treatment. It's like he is trying to control me. He goes to the same college as me and is in most of my classes. He said he's not going to stop till we are back together again. I still love him but I want to get over him so I can move on. What do I do if he doesn't accept or respect my decisions?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • how old is this guy? Well he obviously is a dumbf*** by making is obvious.

    I will admit I once pursued a girl endlessly in college. I was young and dumb. I would never hurt her...but in retrospect I was not proud of by behavior. I was addicted to her at a chemical level. She never told me to STOP, ever. Not even her Boyfriend who I knew pretty well. It took me a long time to get over her. I still think about her today at that was 7 years ago.

    You need to call and tell him over the phone NO. Say you wish the best for him but it's not going to happen. Tell him you want to handle this civilly and not involve anybody else. I understand you have feelings still so you are trying to be "nice". But what girls don't understand is that most guys, especially younger guys take "nice" as "I am still attracted to you".

    Do NOT be nice to him. Don't be a bitch, but be firm and direct. If you aren't these things he will think he can accomplish his goal.

    I hate to say it, but I know what's its like to be attracted to a girl at a irrational level. It's like being attracted to a drug. You can't automatically will yourself to get over it.

    If all else fails get a restraining order.

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    • Hes my age..actually a couple months younger. We're both 20. I don't know what to do..no matter how assertive and firm I am with him he still does not get the picture. Telling me he wants to get married someday have kids..and that he doesn't want anyone else. Thing is..this was his first relationship so I can relate considering this is m 3rd. Something about first gf/bfs where you have that urge to cling on to them and never let go. I wish it wasn't as hard. He's my bestfriend at the same time..

    • Wow....a made a lot of typos above...sorry bout that..ha. Anyway do you honestly see any possibly of ever getting with him? Say if there was something different about him? Believe it or not men are actually MORE romantic then women. A lot of us are brainwashed by what we see in the movies or what girls SAY (they rarely say what they want). He has some fantasy that if he keeps being persistent with you he will eventually get you. Tell him to look up "doc love" on the internet.

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What Guys Said 3

  • You can get a restraining order against him. If you don't want to involve the law, I would ask your "tough" guy friends to have a "chat" with him. He has signs of being a psycho. Hopefully, he'll respect your decisions.

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    • :) my dads a lawyer and I could take that option...would feel weird. I hate that I love him still. It's hard when you've met someone who knew you inside out but at the same time hurts you. Its hard :( My friends have tried to talk to him. He said he won't give up. Usually most guys I've left just forget about it but he's not willing to do that.

  • no offense but this is kinda a dumb question. there is no "what if," because he IS going to respect your decisions or get some sort of restraining order filed against him. no one can force you to be with them against your will, if it happens, its because you wanted it.

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    • Ahhh damn I didn't even get a chance to make best answer...sh*tty :/ lol

  • Ignore him, find someone else, move on and avoid him. If you give in he will learn that he can keep doing it and you will give in...

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What Girls Said 4

  • I have the same problem with an ex, but it has gotten so bad I've had to get a restraining order. Be FIRM with this guy and let him know that getting back together with you is not an option. If he doesn't let down, tell him you are going to take action and get a restraining order. If you are not firm with this guy, he will continue to bug you to try to get you into something you don't want to be in if you don't stop him know. Best of luck to you!

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    • Thankyou :) your all so sweet and thankyou for your help. I wish I wasn't so indecisive about what I want. It's a lot complicated than it already is..but thankyou anyways :)

    • I know what you're going through, don't trip :)

  • He did a lot of wrong things to you, girlie. If it were me, I'd consider his hook up while you were overseas as cheating (bc you didn't break up with him yet and he already were on his butts running with someone else). Just be persistent. Don't get back with him. Do you have other guy/girl friends in your classes? Walk with them when you go to/leave from your classes. If he wants to talk to u, tell him you are busy. It's really wrong about what he did...

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  • So his solution is every time your relationship hits a rough patch or doesn't go the way he plans, he sleeps with other women? Just tell him you need a man who can handle a real relationship and that you're ready to move on. Without him.

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  • I had the exact same problem! This guy that I dated would just keep texting me, calling me, asking me to hang out. I told him directly: I have no feelings for you anymore, and I need you to leave me alone. But that didn't stop him, so I actually had to be mean about it. The guy just couldn't take a hint... I guess first just try telling him straight out that you have no interest in getting back together, that you're sick of being cheated on. And if that doesn't work the guy needs to be told the hard way! Lol, I wish you the best of luck =) Hope this helps!

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    • I've tried. Guess I'm too soft :P but I have tried telling it straight and being assertive about it. He will not give up. I wish he would. Its a bit more complicated than it already is. My parents are tight and stuff..it's too complicated for me to bore you all with ahah but yeh. THankyou for your feedback. Nice to know that I'm not the only one that goes through it :P

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