I lost the love of my life.. help please?

Hey Guys, My story is rather long, but i will try to make it as short as possible. My boyfriend and I had been dating for4 years and a half ( im 27 he is 25). We were a very happy couple and had amazing chemistry. For the past two years, we have encountered a lot of challenges and had many fights though still had a great relationship. we have gone on several breaks, and even mentioned breakups but didn't really go there. We always figured out a way to work things out, but somehow problems still occurred. We had times where we would solve out issues maturely, others not so much. He is the type of person that does not handle emotions to well, especially negative ones. The problems overwhelmed him a lot, he never even got to a point of saying I love you, although I know he felt it in his own way. Three months ago, he got hit by an infection and was not able to see me for months. We dealt well with space, and it increased our emotions for eachother. Before he got sick, we had just gotten a from a break and planned on working our issues out. however, one month ago we had a bad fight over the phone, so bad that I lost control. We broke up few days back. He told me that he is confused and doesn't feel ready for a relationship right now, and that it wouldn't be fair to me. He told me he has strong feelings towards me , but over time felt restricted due to our differences and that it has affected him in a personal level. I know you probably hear this a lot from break up stories, but our relationship was very special and different. I realized what I've done wrong, and told him. He seems to be sure of his decision although he said he is confused. I need him in my life, and need him to realize that we can work this out, and haven't really given it a proper chance. How can i do that?

Thanks a million.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I see all these posts about EXes... Why does my ex not like me? This and that about an ex... should we get back together...

    An EX means.. in the past. In my life, after any break up, an EX is out of my mind. I move on almost immediately and never think of, try to contact, check up on, etc.

    Breakups happen for a reason...

    I'm not talking about someone who moved away... I'm talking about relationships that ended due to cheating, abuse, incompatibility and such. an incompatible person will still be incompatible. An abuser only gets worse. Promises "to change" are always lies.

    Who CARES about an EX? Who cares about what an EX thinks of them? I see people who whine about an ex spreading rumors or posting negative things on social media. Who cares? Their opinion should not matter at all. They are an EX... the past. No longer involved with you.

    Then "breaks"... what's that all about? all this is is an admission you can't commit in a relationship. Taking a vacation from a relationship isn't going to fly.

    ALSO... getting back together after a breakup.. or chasing someone to get back together... sorry folks, the same issues are gonna be there.

    "But I still love hm/her" So? That doesn't mean THEY love you back. There was a reason the relationship ended.

    This "closure" What's that about? No such thing... So what? It's over.. there is your closure.

    Move on... where you found one guy/gal, there will always be more. Everyone goes through MANY breakups in their lives. This EX is just on in a long line of future exes. That is life.

    Be well and be realistic.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • It's best if you give him time. Dont try and force things much longer otherwise it will be tougher on you. Just be there for him and still be supportive to him and when you see things are okay tell him how you feel. If he still remains with his decision then slowly start to accept it and move on. It may be hard at first but who knows maybe in a few years things with him will be back and it eill turn out much better. Dont put yourself down. Focus on yourself and the things you like whilst still being by his sife, dont create expectations and you'll see how things will turn out for the best. Good luck and may God bless you!

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    • Thank you so much for your kind words and support. May God bless you too :)

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 5

  • So you feel he may secretly resent you, this contributes to the arguments? If it has that special feeling about it then ir's worth fighting for isn't it?
    You said he's a bit unstable when feeling negative emotions... does he always come round afterwards and apologize?

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    • I feel right now he might not resent me, but rather that he just wats to stay away because of the arguments, especially since the past month has been pretty heated. He has a perspective of me which is wrong.
      He does apologize when he realizes he does something wrong, I do that too. However, when there are negative emotions, or too much of them, he detaches himself from me and everything else, he creates distance rather than go forward with things. Ex: If we argue because I feel he is too distant, he will say sorry ( if he sees it) but the distance will remain, or actually get worse, depending on the depth of the argument

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    • With it being that long you do have a point, another week probably won't make that much of a difference. Contact him and tell him how it is. You should be able to work out how he feels through his response. If I hadn't seen the person I love for 3 months I'd be missing her like mad. Keep that in mind when you speak to him
      I hope things go well and you're welcome to my input, I hope it's made some difference
      Good luck man

    • Your input has made a huge difference. Thank you so much for guiding me and sorry for all the silly
      Questions. I've just never been in a situation like this before. I will attempt to contact​ him this week and remind him of good times, then hopefully be able to meet with him and tell him what I think in person. Wish me tons of luck and send me good vibes, I need it. I'm quite scared of getting rejected by him again. I'll update you soon. X

  • relationship are always special in start. when you spend more time with eachother you get aware about eachother's true nature. If this causes difference which is not tolerable then I think you should move on. initially you will feel like you want him back but think about long term. Give some time. you will recover.

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  • Did you say you were together for 4 years and he never once said "I love you." And you think this is some deep, special, romance? Time to let this one go, he sounds like more of an (fwb) anyway.

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  • if he truly loves u he will come back!

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  • what sort of fights you had and who use to take initiative in resolving the issue

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    • Most of our fights, especialy towards the end were about me being upset because i felt I wasn't included enough in his life, or because he didn't show enough emotion to me. Every time we would fight, he would get ore distant. We also would fight because I started becoming short tempered and would snap at him. We would both reach over and apologize. He would take initiative a lot of times, I would too.

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    • What if he never contacts me, should I contact him? I don't think there is any hope because he seems to think that it's the best for both

    • if he doesn't contact you than der is no point in staying. it would really be best for both of u. when a person loses interest in certain relationship its best to let go of that prrson as such staying together takes a lot of effort n if even one person loses the interest the relationship tends to become a drag.

What Girls Said 1

  • You were either happy or you had a lot of breaks and issues. Sounds like the latter is more true. Things just didn't work out for you.

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