Does my ex still want me? do I message her? do I try and win her back?

Me and my girlfriend are both now 18, we have been going out for 2 years and both are currently going through our a levels, looking to get into university. I used to worry that she would leave me and move onto a boy straight away, and so messaged 2 girls explicitly to know if she did break up with me I wouldn't get stuck on my own hurting watching her move on. About a month ago the 2 girls came out screenshotting our conversations, that lasted for around 10 minutes each. I had realised and been to the doctors discovering I had bad anxiety, with the doctor telling me what I did was uncontrollable due to me bottling up my anxiety.

My girlfriend still still loves me and misses me, but says she finds it weird seeing me on my own still, and I am so madly in love with her and absolutely hate myself for what I did, because it was so stupid and worthless, it's massively effected my exams to the point I doubt I will get into university. It's already been a month and we've spoke about it and quite a lot since, but she still gets angry with the situation and obviously her trust has been blown, and she states she can't see it happening at the minute.

It will be 4 months until we may both get into uni, but I don't know what to do, I know we wold be so perfect together again, but I don't know what to do. Do I give her space? Do I try to show her how much I love her because she already knows? She hates the pressure I put on about getting back together.

I was just wondering if I could get some advice on what to do, because I really don't know and I hurt so bad..


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