My hubby and I have been together for 5 years. Weve been married for one year and also have a child under one years old.
When I was pregnant I would catch him staring at girls, strangers and even family members. I brushed it off thinking maybe it was my hormone making nothing out of something but about 3 months after the baby was born a family member needed a place to stay. So I allowed her to stay with us instead of being homeless. I've noticed that he seems to go out of his way to do things for her. For example if i need a towel to come out of the bathroom. He will hesitate and take forever but if she ask to get something from off the top shelf he will stop whatever he is doing to get it. Fast foward to the baby being 9 months. I had a mental breakdown because it was near my mothers first year of passing away and I needed someone. Instead of him being with me to help me or even take care of the baby. He leaves to go with his bestfriend and claims he needed advice on how to male me feel better. Instead of actually being there. We used to have sex like rabbits now we barely have sex like twice a month. My self esteem is shot because for the first time I am heavyset and honestly dont consider my self beautiful. I was 125 prepregnancy and I am now 210 post pregnancy. Even though its called self esteem he doesn't help with me feeling any better. I was considering cheating but instead I thought I should just break up. On the other hand I want my child to grow up in a two parent home. The same way my husband and I grew up. I dont know what I should do.
Most Helpful Guy
First off I would like to say I am so sorry to hear that you are going through a very tough time in your relationship and I hope that maybe I can help a little bit. Secondly, obviously I don’t have all of the information on the situation so I am only giving advice that is based off of what I have read and maybe some presumptions.
Let me start off by saying that no, I don’t think you should leave your relationship, because to me it just seems like you both are overwhelmed. Life has become really serious really quick for the two of you and no matter how mentally strong or relationally strong you both are, a lot has happened and you both have the proverbial pit to climb out of. It sounds to me like with the passing of your mother, the marriage, and the birth of your child, life has thrown every emotion into your life that is possible. You may want to look into postpartum depression for yourself, this is a serious problem, and may help.
It sounds to me like he has detached because he has so much to worry about now, and probably doesn’t know how things are coming off to you. As for looking at other women, that is something guys do, don’t look too much into that. Also talk to him when it comes to sex, tell him how you feel, because I can offer advice, but only you two can fix this relationship. Be willing to talk about everything, but also be willing to listen to him, you may find out that he has a lot of similar feelings as you.
Communication is more important than ever, and having a night where it can just be the two of you (And it doesn’t have to be for sex, but it can be) to go out and get to re-know one another is important. A lot has happened in a very short time and both of you were forced to grow; maybe you grew a little apart and just need to find your new connections. I hope that you haven’t grown so far apart that it is unfixable, but I would be lying if I were to say that, that couldn’t happen.
As for raising your child in a two parent home, don’t let your child be the reason you stay in a relationship that isn’t a happy one. Sure you can use your child as a reason to try harder to make the relationship a happy one, but if it can’t be a happy relationship, your child will not be happy in it either.
Don’t rush into any conclusions, because as quick as your life through you into this whirlwind of emotions, getting back out of them can take some time.1
Most Helpful Girl
What a tough situation. Tell him how you truly feel about everything- even the way he is with girls. If he still is cold towards you and stops putting in the effort it's time to leave.1