I can't let go of my (ex) boyfriend even though he's an asshole. What should I do?

we broke up 5 days ago bc he cheated on me twice. for 2 days i struggled to move on but i found myself getting suicidal and i really needed him so i texted him. but he has already moved on. he's busy gaming now and even when i texted him, he couldn't concentrate on texting me and was pretty cold. i know he's probably enjoying his new life now, and im disturbing it, but i really need him. he's treating me like shit now and i know i should leave but i just can't. life is super meaningless to me. I've tried everything i can - finding new hobbies, hanging out with friends etc etc. nothing works. i need him.
I can't let go of my (ex) boyfriend even though he's an asshole. What should I do?
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