Why doesn't my ex want to move on. Is he trying to keep his hold on me?

It's been over a year since we broke up & he never explained, but I think he realised he doesn't want to be responsible for anyone & can't do relationships. He doesn't know what he wants & when I said we should go our separate ways, as we want different things, he distanced himself from me & pretended he was ill. At least that's what I think. I was left hurt and not even able to see him, as he "couldn't bear to see me hurt."

We met up about 4 times after breaking up, over the space of about 6 months. He was all affectionate like we're going out. He was jealous of any guy I mentioned at work & had to hide his face from looking upset. He kept my bath creams and everything after we broke up and moved them to his new flat, like he was expecting to see me again.

When we broke up I didn't hear anything from him for 2 months, & all he said was "hope you're ok." Now he messages me every month or so & this time he was trying to see if I'm single or not, joking that I must be married by now. Talking like nothing has happened. He said we can talk later if I wanted to, but I didn't message him. This was Friday.

Why does he still message me? Clearly, life isn't much better single & he realises I know & understand him better than anybody. But he had his chance.


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What Guys Said 1

  • If you do find yourself still wanting a relationship with him after he’s told you he isn’t looking for a serious commitment, know that making yourself available to him won’t change his mind.

    that guy may be wanting to keep you around because he really enjoys your company, but hanging around longer or talking to him with him won’t get him to change his mind.
    he just doesn't trust himself in that relationship.

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    • He never said he isn't looking for a serious commitment. I just think he doesn't know what he wants. I think he's definitely scared of commitment. Maybe because everyone close to him has left - his mum died young, his dad has another family & his sister moved country. I'm not trying to push anything or make myself available, I'm just not ignoring him. But I never start a conversation. I already told him in November which is when I last saw him that I just want to move forward. So I don't know why he still contacts me.

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    • Yeah, I agree. Part of me wishes I could ignore, but I do care about him. I don't know why though because he'd still get with me and then we'd go back to not speaking. He's a loner type who doesn't want to feel alone - but he chooses to be that way. He's 34 this year and still acts quite immature & he can't keep using me as a comfort blanket.

    • you care because you feel sorry for what happened or keep happening to that guy, but what you do is you make him depend on you to feed his missing feelings (big mistake).
      what you do will make you change some of your priorities in your life to find space for that guy in your life again.

      you're not a bad person, but you have to make him count on himself because caring for someone who doesn't care about himself can make your life confused.

What Girls Said 2

  • Obviously still holding onto you. He wants you but just can't seem to commit. Commitment issues, maybe? Scared to take that big step towards a serious relationship, I think.

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  • that's what they do. they think the girl will keep waiting for them when they hurt us and breakup with us. they want us to chase them and be stuck on them but after a few months they come crawling back and you're doing the absolute right thing because he had his chance and he blew it. single life for guys isn't that interesting after they break up but they realize that after a few months but we also realize within a few months that single life indead, is great! at first we mourn but after that its all fun.

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