Does getting hurt in past relationships affect your ability to love new partners?

I was in a relationship at 14, it was my first relationship and it got serious fast. It didn't last long and he ended it. I was so hurt I remember all I did was cry myself to sleep for about 6 months after. I think it was because I was so young and naive and let myself fall so easily. I'm now 18 and in my current relationships I have trouble with commitment and am constantly wondering whether I even love them or have feelings for them. Its so confusing because what if I never have feelings for someone, I will never be happy and I'll always be wanting to end the relationship.

Is it possible that my bad experience has made me emotionally block people out or is it just because I haven't met the right person?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • 18 is still considered young by a lot of people... But to answer your question.. We have all suffered a broken heart by a relationship that did not work out. What you do is learn from that relatinship - and do not make the same mistakes again. You move on to the next one when you are ready. Never jump back in too fast - then you don't take necessary time to reflect about things and what you did to contribute to the "failure"... I prefer to think of them as learning experiences.. Life lessons. OK? Yes, you will be happy... The trick is to find the right one for YOU. You most likely will suffer another broken heart - but don't focus on that -- Focus on the joy the relationship DOES bring you... Don't let that fear paralyze you. Just be aware. My advice to you? Don't commit.. Why put that pressure on yourself when you don't feel ready? Who is making you? YOU? Relax... work on building a FRIENDSHIP as opposed to a RELATIONSHIP. You know what people say? The best marriages are those where you marry your best friend. Build from that. Build on respect/kindness/honesty/trust - and the rest will fall into place. One important thing is choosing the right person! Don't ever give away your trust - your heart - until someone has earned it! It is a valuable, special, gift. Protect it ~ but keep your heart open. It's when you slam it shut is when you will have a problem! You will keep your love locked up... but you won't let it in , either! Works both ways... Life is not about guarantees.. Life is what you make it. Keep a positive attitude - be the best person you can be and make wise decisions. Hugz.

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What Guys Said 2

  • past relationships are learning experiences for you in the next relationships that follow...you can't do much about it except to mentally accept or block it

    you know what to expect, so don't repeat the same mistake again as that theory goes...this is not to be confused with transitioning psychology which you might also be experiencing as well with the mind-gut check battle...only time will tell which is real and which is phase

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  • i do think it does. I prefer women that have few relationships or partners. Its just baggage it seems. some people handle break up well and do something productive and others whore out.

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What Girls Said 4

  • if you have problems knowing what you like and want, definitely take a break from the dating scene, just because someone hurt you doesn't mean you have to be like that person.

    if you want to try counselling , it's a good idea.

    a lot of guys use girls for sex and lie and create this paradigm of themselves. older guys manipulate younger girls easier because of life experience and because of hormones even and lack of common sense, that's reality and some girls might know better but a lot of guys are jerks.

    learn from your bad experiences and don't let that control your life. if you want to get respect, act like you demand that respect and just date better guys. cheers.

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  • i had relationships and one of them was really serious and it lasted 4 years. then we broke up. it happened 2 years ago and I still didn't get back on track. since then I can't stand guys. well I have partners every now and then but I don't want to date any of them. recently I met a guy. he is great and cares about me a lot but I don't want any relationships with him. first of all I was hurt before and I don't trust anymore. maybe some day I will be ready to jump into new relationship. but right now I just ditch guys no matter how great they are. I don't care and I don't give a crap about their feelings. would I get back with my ex? I don't think so. I like to hang out with guys but once they start all that "i really like you and we should hang out more often" bullsh^t I just want to run away.

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  • omg .. the same thing happened to me... I know how you feel.

    ..and honestly I'm confused too..n I've asked for advice.. I even went to a phychologist.. because all I've been doing is involving myself sexually with guys.

    ..i haven't settled because I haven't found someone worth it.

    maybe its just we haven't met the right person. or not?

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  • >> Yeah with a guy for a short time but realy liked him- I already did not trust people & I did not even want to get involved with him but he was touching.

    Anyways I couldn't stay in it because my trust left and he lost trust and we did not talk for years.. I stil have feelings for him, but I don't trust myself or him to even do anything about it...so we hang out as friends or rsther 'as a lie' & I am never interested in anyone...All my friends are guys many like me but I don't care & I can be mean , tho I do not intend to...

    I was really sad about it even tho I left the situation walked away without explaining anything & I really actually have such profound feelings for him, its like I can barely breath when I am around him and I feel him in every part of me & I feel like everything males sense when we are in the same room-- even if we don't talk & I love doing things when he is around in a way that I don't feel when he is nt... but its like he feels so amazing that I don 't want to touch it,break it use it or lose it ...so I just stay in love & stuck...its been 4 years & I'm 21.

    Oh & I also feel bad that I could be a relationship from his past that scarred him-- its such a horrible feeling because I actually wanted to be with him...i actually hurt someone because I wanted to be with him...its absurd I'm so in love I don't even want to move*

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