Did I have a baby with the wrong man?

I have been with my fiancé for 5 years. We have a 4 month old baby. My fiancé was gone for work (by choice) during my entire pregnancy. I took the time to enroll in school and complete a semester while home alone. The plan was for him to work a lot durning my pregnancy so he could be home more often once the baby was born. We planned for me to restart school back in May (Mon-Fri 9am-1pm) while my fiancé watched our baby (we didn't want him in daycare at such a young age). Once the time came, he bailed out claiming he didn't want to commit to watching him for 5 months. Then, he proceeded to sign himself up for a real estate class (9hrs a day for 2 days a week) and uses the excuse that he's in school and too busy/tired to help with the baby. On top of everything, he brought his two other children, whom lives in another state, to our house for the ENTIRE summer (ages 8 and 10). His daily schedule consists of going to the gym in the morning, visiting his good friend, and coming home to only stay in our bedroom on social media or YouTube binging until he passes out. He barely interacts with his children so once I'm finished tending to the baby, I'm using all of my leftover energy to compensate the time he isn't giving his children. I'm mentally and physically exhausted. He refuses to spend time with his son because he claims his 8 year old because he isn't as "masculine" as he desires. I asked him to take his kids with him today while he rode around town searching for business locations (because I need a break). I explained to him that he needs to spend more time with them, since he is their father and they're only here for the summer. He blew up and cursed me out for asking him to take his children with him for the day. Now I know that I've made a huge mistake by having a child with him 🤦‍♀️

may I add that we have 12 year age difference. I'm 23 and he's 35


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Most Helpful Guy

  • The age difference isn't the reason. I am in my mid 30s and I would be happy to stay home with kids. It is fun for me.
    He just seems too irresponsible, and that is why he won't even take care of his older kids that he has had for longer. I don't think he is a good father if he is like that to any of his kids.
    Plus, not sticking to a plan/agreement is a sign of being immature, regardless of age.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Correct your verbiage this is not a mistake it is a learning lesson. Also perceive your little one as a blessing. You create your reality. He is clearly taking advantage of you sweetie. Take a breather, acknowledge the position u r in now look focus on the solutions not the problem which is him. Revert the focus back to you, by demanding these things. They will not b given to u. Know that he never intended to stay home with the baby he manipulated the situation. He is selfish. But u don't have to b a victim. I wonder if u knew how he was with his other children prior to this? Don't let him play u. If u have to wake up before he does and leave him with the child so U CAN GO TO THE GYM then so be it. You will have to SHOW him with action how to RESPECT u and treat u accordingly. Take your baby and go do something together leave him with his children. Figure out a way to get in school without having to depend on him. Show him you don't need him as much and he will respect u more. Cuz right now he thinks he is the breadwinner and older that u don't know shit. Best wishes. Meditate.

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What Guys Said 3

  • to be fair a lot of guys just freak out on thier first kid. they don't know what to do or how so they put up a lot of distance. it's not right but I'm. just saying talk to him and if he doesn't see the problem here you got to leave

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    • This is his 3rd child, 1st with me

    • get out and get out now take that son of a b**** for everything he's worth in child support and alimony

  • The lesson for all is to always use protection or bc.

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  • We live and learn girl... unfortunately he is a deadbeat dad... we learn by our mistakes and we try not to repeat them in life... take him to the cleaners and get child-support out of him

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What Girls Said 4

  • Yeah that's crap. If he doesn't want to change, leave him. You'll be doing yourself and your son a favor.

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  • Don't walk, run! People like that unfortunately don't change.

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  • Golly, a lot of these posts on g@g are starting to make me question my relationship.
    Ahhh... he is not what I would consider a good dad/fiancé, so I advise you run for the hills!

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  • Yea dead beat dad leave him!

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