My boyfriend is suicidal over me suggesting to break up, what do I do?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for nearly 6months, and things have been a little rocky. We're in a long distance relationship, and he has anxiety. I've been able to help him through it, and besides bumps that come from our relationship it's been pretty ok. We had an argument, and he told me if I answered a set of questions about our relationship wrong, he'll cut himself. I've had issues with cutting, not myself, but a last partner and my sister, which he knows about, and I did not feel comfortable at all, so I told him he's crossing the line and we need to end things. Maybe it was in the moment, but thinking back now it's like I've realised something, that we're not right for each other. I do realised how this is unfair of me, but there's numerous things that support that, and I know he's not the only one to blame. I do still love him & care for him, and I'll always be there to help. When I tried to explain, he freaked out, I got him to calm down, and he told me if I do leave he won't be able to live and he'll kill himself. I do not think he is just saying that, I think he really feels that way. We Skype twice a week, so I was planning to explain everything and tell him properly, but he told me that he'll kill himself again, and I can't do that to him, so I told him I'll keep it to myself, he seemed to be ok after that. Yes, he does go to therapy, though he chooses not to tell the therapist about us, and I only have contact with his brother, who doesn't really take my urges seriously. Any advice? Thank you everyone.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Hey Anonymous OP,
    Please read, I'll be brief.

    I'be been in both situation : your's, and your boyfriend's.
    To be clear, he needs help, and you won't be able to give it to him, even if it seems so, it'll end up being not enough, and you'll fall too.
    Ask his brother to look for him, send him a letter saying you can't make him happy, and you're breaking. Cut it all, you won't have to deal with it.
    If you try to be friend, he'll begin again, hurt himself, tell you he did so, and it'll be bad for both.
    If you ignore him, there is effectively a small chance he'll do a thing, so that's why you should tell his brother before you break that you did so, and your boyfriend will go bad, and then find a new hope. He'll stand again, and you'll live again.
    Trust me, it could take time for both of you, but you'll end up better.
    Take care of you, little snowflake.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • That's emotional manipulation. Call the police if you think he will kill himself. I don't think he will follow through so end it. If he does intend to follow through, then he would tell you because he wants you to feel bad.

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What Guys Said 21

  • I have been in your shoe my Ex was the Suicidal one and I tried to help her by putting her above everything and everyone else, She used to cut herself or threatened me very often to cut herself or used to sit in front of electric power plugs socket with fork and used to i will put this fork in the socket and all the deepest shit she can, She had an upper hand on me. Just like he has over you, No matter how much you think you love him or care for him, Its better to stay very very far away from him or it will scare you for the life and trust me I have been through this and now I have can't have a proper relationship with anyone because i have to take every step carefully and things what happened with me and her.
    The best way which I used, to get away from this situation is let to him break up with you not not the other way around. Because no matter what if you try to talk and try to him understand situation, he will gain upper hand on you and blackmail you and trust me that will scar you for life. And just know this if something happens it's not your fault or decision that made him do. And most threats are threats they only want attention and use that to make you helpless and blackmail you

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  • Get his parents' contact info from his brother or him without sounding like it has anything to do with his suicide threats. Tell them. Then dump him. It's in his family hands at that point. 95% chance he is just bluffing but even if he is not you can't let him control your life. It's sad but it's his choice what to do with his life and your choice what to do with yours.

    A relative of mine killed himself. On the surface people who didn't know him well would think it was over his ex but the truth is that he had mental issues his whole life and tried to kill himself numerous times. The real reason was his own mom was a total byotch his whole life... super mean at every turn -- if anything. It just happened to work the last time he tried.

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  • Contact his brother and explain the situation. Let him know when you will have the talk with your boyfriend and ask him to convey your concerns to his parents. At this point, you are entitled to make decisions that are in your best interest. His suicidal threats are probably just a manipulative gesture but you must take them seriously because some people do accidentally commit suicide while merely trying to gesture for attention.

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  • You need to make him understand that he's imprisoning you by his actions, and that you feel really stuck and hurt, you don't want him to kill himself, and you don't deserve to be with someone like him. Make him understand that he's being toxic this way, and that killing himself will only lead to him going to hill when he's revived in the second life. I know that might sounds irrational to him or he doesn't believe in it, but make him think that there's a huge possibility of that happening (actually about half the world believes there's a second immortal life with heaven and hill ) So he doesn't wanna take that risk, cuz what if they are true even if be thinks the chance of that happening is little, but what if that's true?
    Make him understand this idea and tell him that if he became stable maybe you can be together but you can't accept this life for yourself anymore.

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  • It's manipulation on his part to attempt to keep you. The chances of him actually doing anything are slim, but regardless, you can't let yourself be manipulated by it. It's not your concern, nor your fault if he does do something. It's his own issues/problems. You have to do what's right for you and the relationship. You can still care about him, but be strong and do what you need to do. Don't let him manipulate you.

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  • You need to let his parent or anyone he lives with or is close with know because I don't want to sound harsh but you don't owe him his happiness or state of mind. He thinks like that because that's how he chose to see the reality of the relationship. If you don't feel it's right to stay then leave explain to him why you can't be with him. If you can't do it, send a letter or an email calmly explaining why. I'm not the person to say to move away from mentally ill people but you also gotta be careful about your piece of mind

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  • break up nothing should hold you into a relationship like that (its also a sign he might become abusive)

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  • Break up. He's trying to manipulate you.

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  • Always remember, YOU are not responsible for HIS mental wellbeing. Call the police and tell them he's threatening to kill himself. Either he's suicidal, or he's being a manipulative cunt. Either way, good call on dumping his ass.

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  • He has BPD, break up. if he threatens suicide, call the police. They will ensure his saftey for your peace of mind.

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  • well i think it's just a black mail... well if he really is suicidal then he'll try to injure himself or cut himself just to show you his intention... well i wish he ain't suicidal...

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  • Wtf dump him. He is using your empathy for his own selfcentered needs. Just dump him he will either fix his life or not, and whatever happens is not on you and definetelly not your problem either, it's his problem.

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  • Sounds like blackmail

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  • Call the suicide hotline for where you are. google it to get the number

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  • Go for brand new boyfriend

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  • yes he is manipulating you. time to cut him lose :)

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  • tell his parents, move on

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  • break up... he needs help

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  • he is emotionally abusing you by trying to control you by saying he will kill himself. Dump him... what happens after that is on him, not you.

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  • break up anyway...

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  • Don't let him control your life break it off and let the card fall where they may

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What Girls Said 1

  • omfg he's a toxic and controlling person. He shouldn't control you at all. Its fucking stupid of him and he's probably threatening so youd do what he wants. This is the defintion of an extremely toxic person and he can make you go depressed and add a strain to your relationship. Just leave him so hed deal with his own shit, he won't kill himself. And if you can't do anything bring the police in or anyone okay?

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    • Remember he is just threatening to control you. he's not a good person.

    • Show All
    • And most likely from people who have had similar experiences to yours

    • Wait why am i replying to a random dude 😒

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