Guys, can you forgive a girl for this? Is there a way to win his trust back?

I've had a bad past (watched my dad beat on my mom, call me a bitch and scream at us, a lot of violent behavior, my grandpa constantly saying bad things about me, a guy I dated for 3 years was a pretty mentally and physically abusive relationship ending in him commiting suicide at my house while I was there, etc). I've been dating a guy who was 5 years younger, he's 20 I'm 25. We got through a lot of my issues with the suicide part but I have a problem with just being angry. I've bowed up at him twice now. Never hit though. I get mad if he's with his friends, even though he promises me he would see me after, hangs out with girls at school, little stuff that's stupid to get mad at. I don't know how to stop it but he's ended our relationship. I'm at a point I went to a doctor, got medical advice on my temper and going to a counselor. He says he no longer wants to date at all because I bowed up. That he cut his feelings off in a day because of it. I hate myself for my actions and it kills me that I also work with him and we go to the same college. Can a guy ever get over that? Is it best to just ignore him and hope for the best?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Your ex probably bailed for more reasons than 1 argument. Maybe you being jealous a lot or trying to control his life was way more of an issue. And you have to understand that just because you grew up in a home where people had to yell and scream for attention does not mean that will work with others. Actually in the home I grew up in yelling/hitting was common but I never want it in my relationships. I would not even be surprised if that guy was a victim of violence when he was a kid and your actions reminded him of bad stuff he does not want to be near now. You need to have self control.

    That guy might be willing to take you back if you really change and give him space. You have to stop being controlling/acting jealous too. Relationships need trust to work. He probably trusted you but you never trusted him. You'd have to fix how you feel.

    If you can fix all that, really fix it. Then tell him. But don't be surprised if he's not interested.

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    • His home wasn't violent. He's just been in violent relationships where the girls would hit him. I never want to lay hands on anyone and I know my home is no excuse. My dad has a horrible temper and I never want to be like him. I feel like it's already occurring, so that's why I'm now taking control of my actions and getting the proper help.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I think you would be better to let him go and focus on fixing what you know to be wrong first. He's perfectly entitled to not want to be with someone with anger issues as it's really, really difficult to keep loving someone so explosive. Nothing will change for him, because right now as you say you don't know how to stop it.
    So keep going to your therapist and work on some techniques to keep your temper under control and how to have a healthy relationship. If he's still around when you're ready then great, if not then you're happy and healthy for someone else

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What Guys Said 4

  • It really doesn't sound like you can salvage anything of the relationship but you certainly can salvage yourself. You need to spend some time looking inward before you go trying to find someone else to fix you or make you complete.

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  • You need to move on.

    One of the greatest things we can do as mature adults is look in the mirror, realize who we are, and then make the conscious choice to change for the better.

    We may not be able to change the past, but every moment, we are changing the future.

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  • control your emotions ore lose him you chose.

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  • it's nice you're trying to get better. don't worry you'll find someone better but you have to get better for the next person that comes along

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What Girls Said 0

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