so this is kind of a long story, but I'll just try and explain the jist of it, because I feel like I really just need some support right now
I was with this guy for about a year. I kept thinking we were really in love (but now I feel like it was more of a love-hate thing) , but for some reason I kept a wall up the whole time I was with him. A part of me felt like I just couldn't be my true self around him, and I felt like I was lying to him.
Basically, I had heard some things about him from mutual friends about an incident that happened with him and his ex-girlfriend. He was awful to her (stuff I'd rather not say, because it was demeaning)
But I couldn't help that I loved him so much. I mean anyone whose been in love knows what I mean. I never told him that I knew about all the awful things I had heard about him, just because I was scared of him getting angry. But not saying anything also made me feel like a liar. He also dealt with a addictions (mainly alcohol) and this took a strain on the relationship even though he tried to stop multiple times
Long story short, I figured I couldn't trust him and that I had been ignoring my instincts that were telling me that I shouldn't have been with him so I broke up with him. We didn't really talk after that
Now he's with someone else, and they seem happy (at least that what it looks like on social media) and I can't help but think I made a mistake. I never realized how bad this would feel because I still love him.
****But basically, if any of you have experienced loving someone who was wrong for you, I could really use some support/advice on how to move on/deal with these feelings, and I'd appreciate if there was no judgement. thanks
Most Helpful Guy
Girl i know exactly what you mean. i've recently come out of a relationship that wasn't healthy either. now after a while (like 3 months after the break up) it became fully clear to me as to how much of a mind games she played on me. she used my depression against her. i was there for her and got her back on her feet (sort of) and yet she left me hanging. the moment she felt strong enough again as to continue her life she ditched me.
(but i guess that's not what we are talking about)
in the relationship i had that little voice in the back of my head aswell that was simply yelling and screaming at me "she's just using her".
i for one did not have a "friend" that told me how she really was.
but i guess i was blind as to read her moms face when i met her.
thinking back they clearly read "ur gone before u know it" aswell as she simply didn't really pay attention to me.
somewhere i "think" i still love her tough, but at another point i also think "it's better this way". SO the best thing we both can do is delete these persons out of our lifes. toss their numbers foto's social info etc away and keep on living. one day we will walk against the right person ;D!2
Most Helpful Girl
Lol was in a pretty similar situation. I finally got the strength to break up with my ex about a year ago, and we dated for about a year, but I loved him for four.
I knew early on he could be a problem, but I couldn't help falling for him. He was very clingy, too controlling, rude, disrespectful, was a player and had no future goals. Right after I broke up with him he found someone new. I was heartbroken and thought I made a mistake too. You just have to remember why they are trying to look happy. They have problems. Your ex was an alcoholic, my ex was just a mix of different things. I've learned eventually that the people who are trying the hardest to look happy (they post happy pictures or really attractive pictures) have the most problems. That's just how I see it.
I am completely over my ex now. He has had five girls or something since we broke up. It was really hard to stop, but I'm so much happier now. In stead of thinking "oh god it's gonna take a long time before I find anyone else", I think "oh great, more time for me", and the love game is put on hold.
You will know for sure eventually what he really is for you. Take your time getting over it. You are going to need it. Just think over all the things that were toxic, and talk. to. friends or people you trust. That helped me more than anything, seriously.
Good luck to you!1