I have been dating a man in his 40's for 3 1/2 years. I am the third women he has ever been involved with. The first was his high school girlfriend who he proposed to, she agreed and then broke it off. I knew them then, she was demanding and bossy and told him he had to lose weight or she wouldn't go to the prom with him. He didn't tell her off, he lost the weight. He said as a young man he always knew he wanted to get married and have kids. So I feel like that was his goal as a young man. His next girlfriend... he married after several years of dating. I knew her also. He told me of their marriage how she was neglectful, showed no emotion, used sex as a bone to get him to do things she wanted him to do. He took care of the kids, the house, paperwork everything. She cheated on him, stopped paying the mortgage on their house (2 years before he found out she was cheating) and he lost everything and they divorced.
We started dating two years after the divorce and he was still emotional, depressed and was never sure about us. He would say he didn't want to get hurt again, everyone leaves him, he destroys everything... after two years he finally got on anti-depressants and realized he did indeed love me. That he has never been treated so well. He doesn't deserve me (he has low self esteem). I could never get him into counseling. No he says he isn't sure he ever wants to marry me and has to let me go. He said he was sure about the first two? I say he is a different man now and has a different outlook... he has his kids so he isn't in a rush, he has been hurt. But he says nope, he is looking for that feeling he had when he was young. We broke up. I am hurt and confused. We are older, he should be happy he found someone who is so nice to him and loves him. Does he just like to be treated badly? Was my expecting him to make decisions once in awhile too much? Why were they good enough and I'm not, when I treat him like a king and have been so patient.
Most Helpful Guy
Because he realized the first two were fuck ups and does not want to make the same mistake.
you see unlike women who always (99%) get the kids and half the shit
men lose half the shit and what ever kids. its why less and less are marring. or having kids. Because it fucks us over far more than you if it goes south.0
Most Helpful Girl
You're expecting too much. He doesn't want commitment anymore and sadly feels his life was a joke. He made his choice, and now he's reaping what he sowed. Marriage is very tough. And I understand his pain from the divorce. But he has to be responsible for his choices. Sadly those who had premarital sex and never waited for it til marriage are at higher risk for divorce. See, the thing is he knew how his ex's were BEFORE he got married to them. He can't blame his ex's. He needs to blame himself for knowing. Now he just wants sex without full commitment. Please stop assuming something is wrong with you. It's him, not you. He chose to marry who he married and dated who he dated. He has to live with it.0
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