About 3 weeks ago my boyfriend of four years came to me out of the blue and said he doesn't want to be in a relationship anymore. He says not with me or anyone, that maybe he never will want. He has been back and forth on this during the relationship, each time hurting me so much. He has been a man in my life that showed me what love should be. I left an abusive marriage and started a new life for me and my two kids, he came into my life when I least expected it. I let him into all of our lives and let him so close to my heart, more than anyone. I don't understand!! How do you just turn off any emotional attachment to someone. The Saturday night we spent together before the break up was a great night, we had a good day, lots of laughs, a night of intimacy that was great as always, he said he loved me with all of his heart. Then not even 12 hours later he's gotta get out of my life? Help!!! Is there any saving this? I need a man's perspective. Please help me!!!
Most Helpful Guy
It looks like deep trauma issue... he is looking for freedom and intimacy but intimacy trigger his fear to be not free i think... he needs to feel this kind of complex feeling to then verbalize it and understand it in perspective with you but it can take a lot of time for it... does he have good relation with his mother and with his father? Does he have someone wise like a good friend to listen him? At last, try to be really comprehensive with him and focus on your happiness with your child: that should be your first matter of preoccupation i think... your children need to have you with them at 100%! Good luck and be good to you! :)1
Most Helpful Girl
This relationship will never work. walk away. He's apparently told you repeatedly that he doesn't want a relationship with you. If it has been 4 years and he still keeps saying that, it's beyond time to walk away. At this point he would know if he wanted to be with you or not for sure. It sounds like he is just saying it nice and easy to not hurt you as bad. It really just sounds like he cares for you, but is really not feeling the same way you are. Maybe he just likes to hang out, be affectionate, and have sex, but he's made it clear where he stands. The longer you drag this on, the worse you will be hurt in the end. I went through something similar and of course it ended. All the signs were there and he was telling me how he felt, but I stupidly ignored it and wasted my time. again, if he really wanted to be with you he would after all of this time.3