Why am I missing my ex boyfriend for such shallow reasons?

I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years a little over a week ago. He was emotionally abusive, condescending, manipulative and passive. I just feel like he took me for granted and wasn't treating me how I deserved. He dumped me after a year without explanation or anymore contact and even dated another girl but we got back together after 4 months... He was my first love so it hurt like hell to leave the first time but the second time didn't feel near as bad although it does hurt because I'm losing my best friend, intimacy, love, sex, and a special bond.

I feel like subconsciously I thought the physical affection and intimacy and closeness would make up for all the bad and that someday he would realize how good all that was and want to get it together to treat me better.

Right now I have been absolutely CRAVING intimacy and closeness which is probably why I have been missing him so much. When I try to think about other reasons why I miss him, I can't. He made me feel so miserable too many times. Those physical times were never bad though. He was always the person I wanted him to be and made me feel wanted and actually went in to kiss me and wrap his arms around me. Otherwise, it was hard for him to be that way.

I feel so shallow for saying I only want him sexually, and to cuddle, kiss and hold right now. That's all I want him for and that's not right. I know I still love him but why would I only want and miss him for something so shallow?
Why am I missing my ex boyfriend for such shallow reasons?
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