Never needed advice more than right now. My husband will leave me if I reject Islam but I can't accept it any longer?

I'm married. Both in the legal way and the Islamic way. I've been married for 3 years, but I've known him for 4.
When I first met him, I knew he was a muslim but he seemed less extreme and even now he's not like what the media shows you.
Anyway, his parents found out about our relationship and they urged us to marry due to the relationship being haram out of wedlock. Before, we were normal teenagers. We did drugs, we had sex, fun. You know. Now, it's been bloody three years since I've even tasted alcohol. I'm 21!
I converted on a whim. Everyone told me all this wonderful stuff about islam and it sounded great. I converted quickly so we could marry. But the more I actually read into the religion I see it's not for me. I don't believe in God. If I ever did, I lean more towards Christ.
Now, I don't know how to tell him. Certain ruled and things in Islam so strongly restricts my life. I can't stand by such a religion and clam to support women's rights. My husband himself doesn't even know his religion prooerly. He thinks it's all sunshine and daisys.
Anyway, other than this he's so perfect. Seriously. He's loyal, hard working, accepting and kind. He does everything for me and to make me happy. He's worked soooo hard and spent so much money building a home and paying rent and everything. If i tell him the truth, he will leave me and I'll feel guilty. I'm so alone now, and I'm scared that I won't ever find someone like him again.
What do I do?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • if you get stuck in the groove, the ideology that is causing you trouble will eat away your life.
    tough to chose between the two choices you have and id suggest that you choose choice 3 that is yourself
    dont let any ideology or person hold you down
    do whatever keeps you Happy, if the ideology doesn't keep up with your way of life leave it.
    if leaving the ideology costs you your partner, then it was a wrong choice through out or he has the choice of choosing you or the ideology which will prove if he was a mistake or not

    just save yourself
    you are not alone, if you need anyone to vent to, rant, share your problems get some support, I got your back
    just dont ruin your life for something that was done on a whim

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    • Your advice and support is so very much appreciated. Thank you. You are right. I know I should choose myself in this situation, yet I suppose I'm also being selfish because fear of being alone is holding me back from opening up, too.
      Morally, the religion isn't compatible with how I was raised as a western girl. It's the big things like women's rights as well as the small things, such as feeling dirty around my inlaws because as a vet student I touch dogs all day and dog's are 'dirty'. It all adds up at the end of the day.
      Thank you for being so kind, too.

    • you don't need to thank me girlie 😊
      just done be afraid to be selfish for once and just lookout for you.
      and don't you dare ever feel alone

Most Helpful Girl

  • Hey sweets, I'm Muslim and I'm here to tell you if he's forcing you, thats stupid and you need to leave him. If he's doing it out of desperation, he sounds like he loves you and is just as scared, but scared of his parents opinions. (Arab/African/Eastern families can be intimidating I won't lie). I think you should tell him how you feel, both that you are not ready to accept this religion, but that you don't want him to leave you. Its tough ofc but if you don't you're just building up a lie that will cause bigger problems later.

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    • amen sister ✌

    • Thank you for being so understanding. I think you're onto something when you mention his family. They're pretty overbearing. Him personally, I don't think he'd mind. Of course he'd be upset but it's more the opinion of his family and I'm more afraid of telling his family about my feelings than I am him.

    • Yeah its not all families ofc but still some eastern families are very keen on tradition and/or religion and staying away from anything taboo, even if its natural. Whatever I won't rant hahah. But yes do try to talk to him and you know I hope you can both work it out in a way where maybe the family is involved and they can respect your decision, or not involved if they can't accept you guys together. Hopefully it won't come to that. Good luck!

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What Guys Said 16

  • hi im a muslim if u see that islam is not for u and its restricting i won't lie its restricting i myself didn't believe much of it and i was a born muslim due to my familys behavior they would do anything and justify it by religion ignorance about islam is very common among uslims and if u read the quran and dont take it out of context its quite a beautiful religion but islam is not for sheeps who dont use thier heads u need to be a thinker to understand islam

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    • that being sad u know u converted to islam u know that the greatest sin in islam is shirk which is believing that thier is not just one true god as in christianity (the triligy) my advice to u would be dont ask any one about islam u read the quran and its interpritation but know all of it just dont take the bad stuff

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    • np happy to help the speakers i gave u r a little aggressive but u can't find fault in what they say

    • dont do anything out of peer preasure u do it out of conviction and goodluck

  • If he will leave you for that he probably doesn't love you that much to begin with...
    something to think about

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    • That's what I'm thinking. It's just scary. I've worked myself into such a lifestyle that I'll have to start all over from scratch again. I have no job even though I desperately want one. Just a vet student. I'd prefer to work but he doesn't want me to. I have no friends anymore. I have my brother and sister, however and they will give me a place to live until i get myself together of course. Just a huge life change. Better now than later, i suppose.

    • Sure thing...
      the habit of being together is probably harder to break than actually what seems like love and isn't... He probably does love you but he also loves his religion... a little more than the relationship it seems though

      I can tell you this much... do what feels right and things always go back to normal... I mean you don't actually think people that are well over 10 years past such an event that they are pouting over something that happened so long ago...
      you remember but the pain stops gradually... and things feel normal

      believe that at least

  • This is the biggest scare I have with interfaith marriage. They just don't work long term, in the majority of cases. Relationships are a shared institution. Both partners have to put that relationship before anything else, including their individual beliefs. If that can't happen, it is doomed to failure.

    You have the right to like your life as you please. You only have one. At this moment, can you see yourself in this marriage in 10 years time? How about 20 years? What is going to happen to kids? What faith are they going to be allowed to have? What will they actually want for themselves in 20 years time?

    Nobody can tell you to leave. Nobody can tell you to stay. Either might be wrong. YOU are the only one that can decide what is right for YOU!

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  • it all comes down to if he is the right person for you. if he truly is who you want to grow old with, then it's worth it to not drink. the no drinking crap is bs honestly. I'm bahai and it has a lot of things in common with Islam like no drinking and having sex before marriage, which most is so that you do them in moderation.

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  • Islam is not peaceful no matter what anyone says. Just read the quran. They have no respect for women and non. believers. So, if is threatening to leave because of your belief, just divorce him. You can't live with someone who doesn't respect. your decisons.

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    • Read it. Just wish I did before I converted. So stupid of me.

  • Tell him that yr not comfortable with this religion... if he really cares for you then he'll understand

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  • I personally feel that forcing someone to accept your religion is a form of abuse (OK, maybe a strong term but still, it isn't really fair on the person who is expected to accept it no matter what the reasons). I'm sure the guy is a lovely person as you describe but at the same time expecting you to live as a Muslim when it is clearly not what you want in life isn't very understanding of him. A marriage is about trust, love and accepting differences in opinions. Not forcing the other to accept their religious views. I would happily tolerate and respect a partners views on religion but I would not be dictated to even if my partner said it was a deal breaker I'm afraid

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  • You need to get couples counseling ASAP. Your marriage sounds like it is worth saving. I might add, not doing drugs and drinking are not such a bad thing.
    ~JSmith

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  • Talk to him privately about your concerns☺️💕

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  • Talk to him. Honestly is essential for your relationship to work properly

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  • As a black Christian man who regularly falls for Muslim/arabic women, I see your issue. My Christ is my Christ, and I will never deny Him in the name of earthly means. Only you can truly decide what is best for you, as it's your life.

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  • Solution will depend on the place you are in

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  • A man should love you and keep you no matter what. You shouldn't be forced to believe in something that you don't think is right for you. And he should respect that.

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  • You'll be lucky if all he does is leave you.

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  • Run, those fuckers are crazy. if you really read into the Quaran it's awful

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  • 9872168947

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What Girls Said 3

  • you won't be a muslim if you don't believe it by heart so it is pointless. also there is no pushing in islam. You can't make someone muslim. You can show them the true way teach them islam but can't make someone muslim. I don't uderstand him.

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  • I have cut all ties with my father because he is Muslim and I'm a huge disappointment to him
    Islam really isn't for everyone

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  • You need to accept who you are or you will be miserable. Marriage is two people and compromise. You married into a very strong religion but you have to tell your husband how you feel. If he can't accept that then you need to move on.

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