He said he wasn't in a place to be with anyone, even casually. Can I take him at his word?

Before we finally hooked up, I saw this guy fairly regularly due to life circumstances for 3 months. I originally just thought he was hot, aloof and a bit cocky, but seemed overall a nice guy. However, because I had heard things from friends that said he was a bit of a fuckboy, therefore when I decided to pursue him, I went in quite assertive and strong, wanting only hookups but no attachment, thinking I wouldn't like him. I was wrong - we actually did get on and i did start to like him, made more clear by comparison to the other boys i was dating casually at the time. I asked if he wanted to just casually date and have sex, but we could see other people.

Because I went in with all my emotional walls up, I think i forced him to put up walls. He fairly quickly became distant, cancelling on dates at last minute and not putting in effort into texting. However, it was never clear, his actions were bipolar - one minute as if he really liked me, the next uncaring and a player. I was upset, so I returned it by being cold one minute and hot the next.
We only hooked up a few times (though saw each other in life regularly) before he stopped texting. so when i asked him why, i decided to finally let my guard down and tell him that i liked him. He let me down kindly - letting his guard down too - and said that he just wasn't in a place in his life to have anything, that it had nothing to do with me. (in his last relationship, i think he felt like he stopped seeing everyone).

He told me he wasn't in a place where he could have anything, even though i was just offering casual noncommitted dating.

I know it's not my business anymore, but is he just trying to spare my feelings and that he just didn't like me, and will be dating someone else in a few weeks? If he was just playing me, then wouldn't he want to continue having easy sex, rather than just cutting everything off clean? (I honestly thought we had fun when we were actually saw each other).

Can i take him at his word?


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  • No, he just doesn't want you... which is very different.

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    • sorry hun, can you elaborate please?

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