My ex is dating my opposite a month after I left her?

I left her 4 months ago and she was devastated but said she was feeling great only 4 days later. We dated for 3 years. We live an hour and a half apart and she was very faithful, I actually was the one who had problems looking at other girls for a lot of the relationship, checking them out and such. She had a lot of trust issues to begin with. Apparently she has anxious attachment, she's an ISFP, and she had issues with abuse from her father. A little over a month after the breakup we hadn't gone more than 2 weeks without talking and she decided she didn't want to speak anymore, she wanted to keep the relationship in the past. I find out 2 months after the breakup she started dating this douchey guy a couple weeks earlier. He got her listening to gangster rap music and she always detested that stuff for being so sexist, she considers herself a feminist. Is she just pretending to be ok and forcing her feelings and her true self in a closet to avoid thoughts of me?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I hope the guy isn't a douche as in he hurts her in any way.

    To answer your question though, my ex did this, and liked the opposite of everything he detested. I'm actually not sure what it means, but to me it sounds like they aren't over you, especially if you left her.

    • We were planning on getting married and she was rebuilding her trust for me after a big blowup over me admitting I had a porn problem to her a year prior to the breakup. She and I were able to push through everything, but I realized I needed to mature more to be a good husband and I had to be alone and do it independently.

      I hear he's a really nice guy. He's a theatre actor with big muscles, I'm a skinnier type musician. He does modeling and he's been in some major music videos. He's older than her by two years I'm younger than her by two years. He's everything she said she would never be interested in. She heard he had a crush on her two months before I left her and he walked into her work one day and she just asked him out on the spot, knowing he would say yes. He seems like he was just an easy escape

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    • No problem.
      Focusing on you sounds good, it's up to you what you do after that. It's your life remember that :)

    • Thank you 💜

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What Girls Said 1

  • Honestly, I kind of doubt it. She knows he's a twat but she wondered with you. It's easier to be with someone that you know is awful. No surprises.

    • Well she actually didn't really wonder with me, she knew for sure she wanted to get married and was shocked that I wanted to leave. She begged and pleaded for me to stay and told me if I ever change my mind to tell her even if she's with someone. I told her I wanted to talk about it 2 months later and that's when she told me she didn't want to get back together and that she was now with someone. But I figure context is more important than content. When I left her I told her to move on and that I most likely wouldn't change my mind

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    • Take it from someone who was left at the altar: you do not get to have an infinite number of chances. At a certain point, it becomes cruel.

    • Oh I agree! I'm not the on and off type, never have been. And leaving someone at the altar, you don't get another chance in that scenario. We're in our very early 20s with a lot ahead of us before marriage happens in either of our lives

What Guys Said 2

  • I think a lot of girls just date someone mew quickly because they can't deal with being alone. I wouldn't count on her avoiding thoughts of you... maybe she's doing it, but if she is she's never going to let you know, she'll just keep burying it and hoping it goes away. It doesn't matter either way, move on and don't let her decision affect your life.

    • Thanks! Are you one who believes the more she represses them the stronger they become and will all blow up in her face or are you in the camp that says she will move on without dealing with the sadness

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    • Plus it's been 2 months since she asked him out and she won't make it official or post a single photo of or with him on any social media. I think that's odd. She even told me herself it's not serious.

    • I think you should focus on not thinking about her, and not count on her changing her mind about the guy. Maybe they aren't compatible but how do you know she'll get back with you when they break up? It sounds like wishful thinking. Anyway, if you become more mature, you should expect her to become more mature during that time too, otherwise you could do better. :)

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